Very good brother . Meanwhile congratulations, you took off the PMO ring. Breathe the free air. Now let´s go my brother. To the end of world, and the end of the ring. Good luck brave hobbit!!!
Thank you! Im still this ugly orc tho (and i can't remember an orc being in the fellowship of the ring ), but I feel the Uruk-hai powers comming!!
3 more days of walking dear Fellowship. Sorry for not attending here lately, because these last days were overwhelming by projects and work. the next days will be more "regular" . anyways, i kept doing my reboot work (mandatory) so not a change of engaging in any kind of lust. I hope you´re doing well and firm in your path. for those who stand still, carry on. for those who have fallen, get up when you´re ready, learn and carry on. Onwards brave Companion, i believe in you!! Here´s JK Emezi, now sober for 13 years. "The Gift of Peace" J.K - don’t you ever miss it? Being able to just shut off, fantasize and not care about anything? No...no I don’t. Because that was a fantasy. I wasn’t shutting off or zoning out. I still cared. I was just delaying it. Delaying the anxiety. Delaying the pain. Delaying dealing with life. It wasn’t any more pleasurable dealing with it at 1 am while sitting in front of my computer with semen soaked toilet paper feeling like a fool. I now have the gift of peace. That doesn’t mean that life no longer involves challenges or stress. By no means has not watching pornography suddenly given me a perfect life - it’s just given me a manageable life. I don’t need to zone out or not care because I am present in situations. I now have the clarity to either deal with a problem as it happens or to know that I need to step back, take a breath and come back to it once I’ve had a chance to calm down and think about it. The impulse to view porn or masturbate is no longer there, so I no longer feel the impulse to just fix it immediately either. The gift of peace now extends to everything I do. I can sleep peacefully because sexual urges and anxiety no longer wake me. I can socialize peacefully because I’m no longer experiencing social anxiety, ogling women or sexualizing everyone.. I can work peacefully since I’m not counting down the minutes until my work day is over and I can masturbate. Of all the gifts I have ever gotten, the gift of peace has been the most fulfilling. Have you found your peace? Your brother in this struggle, J.K "Find your peace" Emezi
Still Uruk-Hai and going strong. I will have 12 days within an hour, and I am feeling solid. Let us press on and destroy the ring! No more shall it have power over us!
Day 12: It's my best friend's birthday today, and he wants to go out drinking for it. As much as I'd love to spend time with him tonight, I'm not going to go. Drinking isn't something I find enjoyable. Alcohol addiction runs strong in my family, so I don't rarely ever drink. Plus it can lead to a PMO slip up, relapse, or a binge at worst. The last thing I need is my senses dulled and have urges take over. Recovery has to come first and must always be a priority.
Good on you for being careful around alcohol when problems with it run in your family. I had a lot of trouble with alcohol, and it runs in my family too, so I stay 100% away from it. Yes, it can also set you up for relapse in the porn and masturbation area, bigtime. Persevere!
@Musicmad Your name makes you sound like a musician or singer. I play drums when I can set up and play-- for that I need a house, on which we are working, so I hope to have a place to practice and play within a year. Meanwhile, I am playing guitar. I can play electric without it plugged in, and it does not matter even if everyone is sleeping. Anyway, good going rebooting. Have a great day!
Day 25 Extremely productive at work.. Like extremely.. Mental heath improving I stood up for myself this is something that never was a part of me I was extremely love addict, people pleaser, codependent, empath.. Which caused me lot of issues mental and lot of inner resentment which caused me to Ruminate again again what different I could have done.. (= OCD ptsd) But today I backed myself holding nothing inside of me.. Nothing.. I have been working on this for 8 months Today i practically proved that I have done 180 personality shift which is beyond amazing Shut people off, back myself up... Win Partly this may be coz of nofap, no fantasy coz I am dealing or learning to deal with tough people and situation instead of escaping... Good luck my brothers and sisters
You may be right that it's not a relapse because, it's been two days since that session and I haven't binged at all. I didn't got a chaser effect. I once have been through a chaser effect in one of my previous streak so I know how it feels. But till now I am just as normal as I was on 155th day. I there are no urges at all. Just some flashbacks of that session. So after two days I am very well sure that I won't binge now, because I have to then I might had already done that till now. I am happy that I didn't got chaser effect and urges. But still I will reset my streak because if I continue this streak then there will be a little guilt that my streak is not totally clean anymore. I want my 1000 days streak to be clean. I want to thank you for this challenge and other challenges too and my companions. Because without you guys I might not be able to achieve 150+ days streak. I will stick to my methods and will again reach there. Because this time I have more experience and more knowledge than the previous streak.
One day down! I am a lowly orc, but a porn-free orc! I will feel urges in a day or so. Hopefully then I'll be around family and friends. If not, I will go on a walk, pray, or write.
Day 8. The urges were strong when I got home from work last night. This is basically what happened between me and my urges. Me being Smeagol and my urges being Gollum: Smeagol: [looks distraught] ... Go away... Gollum: Go away?! [cackles] Smeagol: ... I hates you... I hates you... Gollum: Where would you be without me?! Gollum! Gollum! I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me! Smeagol: ... Not... anymore. Gollum: What did you say? Smeagol: Leave now... and never come back. Gollum: No! Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back! Gollum: [snarls angrily] Smeagol: Leave now - and never come back! [tense pause] We... we told him to go away. And away he goes, precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!
Day 1 Relapsed due to watching youtube excessively and p-subs was being slowly loaded into me and at sometime it peaked and i failed. I relapsed continuously for 3 to 4 days,i played p games or watched p and did m for 4 times a day.I had no will to be on nofap or to pray,due to my craving for dopamine.