So, I just had a few confusing days again in terms of my Nofap project. My girlfriend and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now, without success. So Friday, my girlfriend did an artificial insemination treatment - I think that's what it's called in English? Anyway, I had like a 15 minute window to retreat and 'produce the seed', as they called it. It was so weird that I used an erotic story to get me excited enough. So, technically a relapse, but not by choice, but because the circumstances more or less demanded. Still, I was afraid it might make my urges come back and one thing that did happen is that last night I couldn't help but be really curious to know how this erotic story continued. So I went back there and read it til the end. But even though it excited me at first and gave me an erection, I knew doing M would be a bad idea, so I didn't and the excitement flowed away. But then it turned out my sperm count was quite low, which the nurses said could very well be because it had been 2 weeks that I didn't ejaculate - because I didn't have sex with my girlfriend for 2 weeks, and in the meantime I was not masturbating. They were saying I should ejaculate at least once a week to have healthy sperm production. So now I have to find a way of bringing M back into my life - because there's quite a big chance we have to try the treatment a few more times before it works - without reviving my P addiction as well.
Yes, as I was afraid, the whole confusion has led to a relapse. I'm gonna reset my counter and be strict again on no P, and just allow some occasional M around the IVF treatments.
Yes, you have two conflicting priorities here. One is to produce a baby, the other is stay away from PM. It seems like both are impossible at the same time. I would suggest doing what you need to do to produce the baby. For 99.99999% of us on this site, there are no true benefits to PM and do us nothing but harm. But in your case, the situation is a bit different. Just don't worry so much about your counter and being PM free at the moment. It is true that when you M, your body clears old older, weaker, sperm cells and replaces them with younger, stronger ones. This is what you need if you want to get your girlfriend pregnant. Just put your PMO goals to the side for the moment, until you get her pregnant, and then go back to your PMO mission afterwards. One thing at a time.
Thanks. You might be right, it's weird and confusing to combine. Still, I don't want to fall back into watching a lot of P. So it's still gonna be a bit of a puzzle how to do M in a healthy, non-obsessive way, when I'm still in the middle of trying to get out of the addiction. But well, that's life, I guess..
Yeah, this is definitely a tough situation. Granted, of course I'm not in your shoes so its not the same when I say this, but I feel that it's a divide and conquer issue. Take care of the first situation, and then work on the second. Whatever you choose, totally hoping for the best for you, man.
So last night and this morning were a bit rough. Caught up with an old friend last night, who is in town for a week and who I hadn't seen in 8 years. Got a bit drunk, and in the process he showed me all these pics of tons of girls he's been sleeping with in the past year. He's a very good looking guy and does extremely well with equally beautiful women through dating apps. These pics were not only screenshots from the apps but also sex pics in bed, with some accompanying details and stories. I'm happy for him, but needless to say it was a perfect storm for me when I got home. I turned on the TV, and it was on the movie channel where they were playing a racy movie (but not quite porn) as I drunkenly made some popcorn. I did not change the channel as I ate it. Later in bed (away from the TV) there was some fierce edging, but I somehow held off. This morning when I woke up, it picked right back up from where I left off. I finally snapped out of it with the thought of how much I needed coffee. I don't drink much these days, but last night was a special occasion and it caught me off guard. I'm fine now, except for a massive hangover. Staying super busy around the house to make sure it doesn't get the best of me, and posting here. Well gotta go, my 4th cup of coffee is waiting for me. Stay strong everyone.
Day 30/90 No PM (ends April 8) Day 380 on this challenge Day 133 weight training (M, W, F) Day 35 No alcohol Day 25 No desserts Day 29 No caffeinated coffee
Day 42! I guess I skipped a day in the forum. Anyways, I did score with the girl!!!! We had sex like 4 times and I had no issues ejaculating the first 2 times. I guess the other two were way to close in terms of time, so I could not finish easily. But the pleasure I can already report is so much better than before. I can tell there is more to improve, but that in itself is a huge win. I really like the girl as well, and we even talked about what I am going through and she took it very well. She said she really liked my honesty and that she wants to help in this! I am strictly forbidden to have any sort of sexual pleasure that she is not involved in! That motives me even more to continue! I am aware about the chaser effect and am not at all looking to go back to PMO. Huge Win! Keep going bros! I realise that I am in a very lucky situation, but it can happen to a lot of you if you don't stop chasing your goals!
Just wanted to stop by family. I hope everyone is staying strong and remaining focused. Day 112 here. Pretty horny of late. I guess it just comes and goes at this point. The good news is I feel stronger and attraction seems to increasing. We’ll se3 how things go moving forward. Have a great week fam.