Day 32! Libido goes up and down constantly but I guess thats normal for what we are trying to achieve ))
It does, yes, but be careful not to slip when you’re less busy - like I did in the first weeks of this month.
Day 0. I relapsed. Only masturbation. I am actually scared to look or imagine porn, I don't know if I would get worse. So I guess on one side it is good to be scared about that. It is painful, but I also I know exactly why I relapsed. My recent relapses were, due to me lying in bed, being unsure if I kept sleeping or standing up and that as a result irritating me. Or, at night when I couldn't fall asleep, due to subtle noise (because for me the slightest noise disturbs me) or my inner noise sound. I don't know if you know that noise when everything is silent, and the only noise you hear, is the noise in your head or something lol. Yeah, but due to all that, it is for me a certain gateway for relapse. Especially when I can't fall asleep, it is the worst ( and I am not even at the part of withdrawal induced insomnia, which in my experience wasn't as bad, as at that time I had normal schedules so I was kinda more relaxed). I believe that things will inevitably get better as I look for the solutions that will help me stay on track, because currently for example my work schedules are anxiety inducing and provide me with the possibility to have difficulty to fall asleep. Usually I need some free-time before bed time, otherwise I am too agitated. As I will be working night shifts. It's a complete no go for me, so I will need to solve that issue as soon as possible. With everyday that we strive for freedom, we are closer to freedom. Giving up is no option. Hugs.
Good to see you're analysing why you relapsed and what you can do about it. Be careful not to blame it too much on the circumstances, though: no set of certain circumstances is ever the cause to relapse, it's always our choice to do so. Of course we all have our moments where we are weaker than others, I myself have a ton of them, and it's great to be aware of them. But the goal should be to become of such strong will that we can stay strong in any moment - not to change the circumstances.
Great advise. I'll take that into consideration. And I agree, in general I felt better when I changed my mindset into being able to be in any kind of environment and be in peace. In relation to my sleep difficulty, it is mostly a matter of me not being able to deal really well with the circumstances. It is a difficulty to fall asleep, which is most certainly a symptom of the current state of my addiction. So, it makes sense and I admit as well that the sounds I hear at night are relatively subtle and should not stardle me in normal cases. Considering night shifts, they would make it harder for my recovery, because of changes in sleep rhytm and inside the body and things like that. Best is to avoid that. I'll look for the best solution and to adapt as much as I can in the most efficient way possible, that's how I got to 30 days no PMO once and will do it again. I had a major setback since then, some significant hardship, I slipped big time, but that's what it is, that's what recovery looks like. Recovery is to keep striving forward and doing the right thing for ourselves and others in the face of misery (for lack of a better word ). It is not the end! It is the beginning! And someone once told me that success doesn't look clean, it looks messy and it makes totally sense. Just look at this mess. But it's a good mess. Let's keep going. Cheers.
24/90. Hope everyone doing well! I'm still drifting in a flatline... But looks like this constant urge to get home faster and switch on my computer has softened it's grip... A little bit.
Just realized I haven't posted in a LONG time. Well, today's day 1. I had insane urges yesterday and while I had stuff planned, eventually it was just too much to handle on top of a conversation with a friend that came like a punch to the gut. But 9 days is longer than I've done previously, and I feel like I can do better next time. I need to start planning things for those down days when I don't have anything but homework.