On day 124/365. Have been traveling and didn't post for a few days. I witnessed something Thursday, the memory of which heightened my sexual urges to the limit. By the middle of the next day the urges had faded some, but I could easily bring them back if I thought about it much. It has been touch and go with my urges and thoughts since then. If my mind is on other things, it fades. If I start dwelling on what I saw Thursday, it returns. Being conscious of what I'm thinking and rechanneling my mind to non-sexual things is the key for me to get past this.
Day 2. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to not drink at all at least for a few weeks. I don't drink much, but sometimes I do like a nice scotch or two. (That and good ice cream are probably the only indulgences I allow myself these days.) Problem is, it often leads to me making dumb decisions, especially during the early part of a streak where I haven't built up my momentum yet. Also, there's another thing. I gotta get serious here, since next week I'll be on my own here for a several days in a row, and if I slip up, it'll be a mega-binge for sure. Really the choice is before me, it's a binary choice - a positive stretch of self-control and advancing my healing, or a self-destructive trip down the rabbit hole again. Nobody can make that choice for me, I have to do it for myself.
Just want to thank all you guys who are doing your best with this challenge. It's encouraging me at a time when I really need it.
Yes,a lot of inspiring posts and advice,but let me let you into a secret.My wife gives me so much inspiration to do this too.When I see the look of awe on her face when she sees my manhood that has reached new heights lol and when she whispers that she can't wait for 3 weeks no pmo it is so inspiriring!For me,3 weeks was an incredible workout I gave her and even after I had come,no joke I was still hard and able to satisfy her again and again! So last night she told me she was looking forward to me at 3 weeks no pmo and to wait.However,I played my ace card with her when I told her okay,but I am keeping my semen next week because it's too powerful to lose.When she heard that, she wanted me so much last night.She had a great orgasm and I said we should finish the tester,to really wet her appetite. So you see guys,get your woman on board this NoFap.Come clean and she will inspire you so much like many have me here. When I think about the advent of the internet,yes it is exciting,but I see people with their heads down looking at their devices so much now and not immersed in their surroundings of what is happening now.So the possibility of women noticing you just decreased,especially if you are a fapper absorbed in your own world. If you get a smile from a woman, smile back because like I said, these flirting signals are sadly getting less and less.
Starting over on day 0/365. I unexpectedly saw something Thursday that was particularly sexually stimulating. If I had let it go at that, it would have passed quickly, but I flooded my mind with the mental images of the stimulating event for hours, using my imagination to create fantasies with those images, which heightened my sexual urges beyond what I could deal with. By the middle of the next day the urges had faded some, but they easily got strong when I started dwelling on the mental images and fantasies again. It was touch and go with my urges and thoughts and I relapsed on Saturday afternoon/evening. What I learned is that I can't control everything that comes into my line of sight, but I'm free to let the experience be and move on. I'm the one that uses my mind to intensify it, make it persist and live in a fantasy world. This is a pattern I've played out repeatedly since I was a child. I don't have to do that. I'm free to chose not to.
As simple as these words are, I really needed to hear them, thank you. You are right, it was very, very difficult to get back to where I am after all those relapses last year. I am starting to do more meditation at the moment and will try to develop more spiritually, rather than losing my progress. The "spiritual path" can be really difficult sometimes. Seeing you go through hell week and investing so much into progressing is really inspiring by the way. Also my record was 168 days last year, so I still have some days to go, but I am determined to break it!
I had a similiar experience last year, I was at over 160 days and a beautiful girl was hitting on me very agressively, talking about sex a lot and so on. I relapsed a few days later because of that situation. At this point I believe that no matter how long we have been clean, there will always be a way to trigger a relapse. The only thing we can do is learn to avoid triggers as much as possible and to become more in control of our thoughts and emotions and not act on triggers once they occur. I remember that you said that you have relapsed quite a few times before, but you still mangaged to get that far this time. Honestly, that is a great achievment. You have progressed so much and I am sure you can make it to the real finish line - which is not at 365 days but reaching a state where you are truly free of the addiction. I hope you start over again, I dont want to miss you on this thread.
Thanks for understanding. I can imagine becoming like a Buddhist master, where any potentially tempting situation or mental image can come before me and it's like water on a duck's back. It's there, it naturally rolls off and that's the end of it because I don't review the mental images going forward. We are naturally resilient if we don't use the mind to make those experiences persist.
Well done @frequentdogwalker for having had an amazing streak.The rewiring process is what's important, so any streak over 90 days is going to rewire your brain and give you greater control of your emotions and life and you surpassed that number by a crazy amount! Thanks for all the inspiration and motivation you give us all in this group. After my last relapse,I bounced back stronger and I know you can too bro.
Day 79, I have learned to play Happy Birthday, We shall overcome and One Bollywood song on keyboard. I'm loving this new energy