It started yesterday, when I came back from the short vacation I had and had been full of energy. After the lunch break, I talked to a coworker for quite a long time in her room, even though I knew that she liked me and it could escalate. I don't want to be arrogant but I physically outmatch her, although I still found her somehow cute and she's the only single female who's around, plus she looks younger than (even) I do, even though she's older than me. So we chatted, even if she had told me, that she was in hurry. It didn't take long, until I started to lust after her. Later, I repented and went back to work. Today, I worked quite fast and had nothing else to do later on. So I went again to her, because she'd be the only one of those few who're working who could need some help. Instead of working, we started to discuss Mr Trump whom I was defending, although I've never been to the US yet and it's one of the easier ways to make enemies in this city. She got quite upset because I was questioning tons of things and she made unprofessional claims, even though she has a bsc degree in politology which isn't related to our work btw. After a while, we knew we had wasted our time and made a mistake. Still, I "helped" her for more than an hour without a bad intention, solved a problem she had, and then out of nowhere the sin thing came back. I completely lost my focus, and was just looking lustfully at her. She noticed that, started to smile a little bit and still was trying to explain me something quite complex (what the heck). I was just thinking about the very bad things we could do in no matter of time because we're the only ones who were still there. And if she had very different thoughts, she'd have left earlier. I had a bad feeling at the same time because I knew God wasn't with me anymore. Nevertheless, nothing worse happened because I was too passive and she was too shy and reserved. I told her I still wanted to stay before she left. Right away, I started to feel the self condemnation. I fell into a mini depression. Sat on a chair in the darkness and thought about my rebellion against my first Love for a while. I don't feel any condemnation anymore because I repented. Yet, I was too close to things I should have never thought of.
Your human..don’t beat yourself over it..but drop the flirting..no good can come if it..the pain far outweighs any temporary pleasure.
Well, I have not even really been flirting, otherwise it would have a different outcome. No, it's my fault and I could and should have avoided it. Without this attitude, I would never have come this far. Anyways, I don't feel bad atm. But thank you.
I agree with this. You think you’ve committed a “sin” because you were sexually attracted to a girl? You’ve done nothing wrong here, it’s called biology.
I read it right here...."We're wired to make babies." So.... Seems to me you were tempted. And you did what you knew What was right. You avoided Sin! WTG!
Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I think what he is saying is that not keeping his mind under control was the sin..may be wrong. Just like with the Stoics..it’s not that we don’t have emotions, we cdnt stop that..but we can stop the emotions from turning into actions or thoughts. To sin means “to miss the mark” His mark is a very high standard, which I admire..but he didn’t reach it..so he sinned. But that’s part of being human, trying to do our best and being aware when we don’t so we can do better next time. I think by posting this shows how much farther along he is then he thinks he is. He is doing good.
I appreciate your kind words. But I still have unnecessarily fallen. I could have been in the same situation far earlier, because the day after our first real conversation she came in a "sexy" outfit which was months ago. Yet I avoided the situation because back then I was strong enough. This time I was careless, even though I matured more spiritually overall. If you don't feel the presence of the HG anymore, you know how much your life sucked before. I forgot how it was, when God was not dwelling in me.
Every moment is a chance to renew and or strengthen faith. Faith isn’t constant, it’s a choice we make every moment. The goal is to have more and more moments with faith and less without (if you are a religious person) The only way to do that is to keep aware and keep moving forward..just keep moving forward.
My goal is not self condemnation, rather to show the people how easy it is to sin and that we should always be vigilant.
Actually you're the religious one. You believe in theories and share a lot of things with most churchgoers because of this. I believe in things I see, hear and feel. Otherwise, there would be no point for me to go through torture and being on this forum.