Sexualizing strangers?

Hey! Almost everyone checks out someone sometimes its naturalm when you see an attractive person. It might be because you dont fap and watch porn so you have a sexual tension built up in yourself. It depends on the person that he or she likes to be checked out or not and until you are not doing it in a weird mainiac way you have nothing to worry about.

 

Since my reboot I have noticed I do this more often too whenever I go out and until now I still have this issue.. If only I can close my eyes while walking I would do it. I'm afraid that this might cause me to relapse in the future. I don't have the exact solution for now but as same as PMO, recognizing the issue is the first thing we can do and also there's a need to discipline our eyes not to stare a lot so we don't awaken our sexual cravings during our reboot.

 

Porn does it to you but the whole sexist male chauvinist trend of our society does that and porn expresses that with vengeance. What does the physical appearance of a person have to do with havng something to do with YOU. You share humanness. What do you share in life or are you evaluating someone because of their height, hair color, size of parts of their body or their clothing follows certain signals. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you meet the same criteria as the one syou "check out." What does checking them out have to do with Are they meeting some porn and advertising or locker room idea of attractive, or is there something that you could share in life?

Think about yourself as a person a well rounded person, how do they fit into that. What do you have to offer?

All the symbols are BS. Think about being human what you can really share and enjoy.

Dont check them out until you can get rid of that habit. Look away or think untriggering thoughts

 

Try to think that every women on street is like ur sister and mother this will surely help u to regret the habbit of staring every girl and woman.

 

I believe it's very nataural to 'check women out' and wheather you're an addict or not a beautiful woman will always grab ones attention. However Rather than looking at a woman 'all over' try to just look at their face to appreciate their beauty instead and resist the urge to 'check the rest of them out' I've found this really helps.

 

I personally find women on the street one of my worst triggers, I don't mind beautiful women, but women with "triggering" bodies really make me nervous even if I just randomly see without wanting to I feel my heartbeat jump. I feel some progress with most random people on the street but these encounters make me feel very weak, I wish I had the mental strenght to ignore these as just another random stranger and not something my brain considers to be pornographic. I hope rebooting will remove this thoughts or at least give me the tools to look past them.

 

Getting rid of PMO is great, but getting rid of the objectifying mindset and glance is much harder. Girls can definitely sense if you are checking them out, so be careful. Anyway, you can fantasize all you want but it's not going to get you anywhere. If you are keen to be friends, go talk to people!

 

You are not going to reboot or live a healthy life without getting away from sexualiing and dealing with triggers. You cannot automatically lose all your triggers over night, so avoid them. Look away if you are sexualizing. Think about why your objectifying a person is sick and the opposite of real sexual intimacy with people.

You spent time working your body and mind into this mess. Give yourself some time and effort to get out, step by step. You have tuned your body to get excited by things I get triggered by high heels or red lipstick. There is nothing sexual about that. But to get that cooled down I have not to look at it or notice it or look for it.

So looking away is good but only if you work in your mind why

 

Hello, thanks for your words. Lately I've been trying to do what you said, I hope it turns out to work on the long run. I try my best to not look and steer away from poisonous thoughts but it feels like shit when I can't control my emotions.
Do you believe that I will get better?

 

Fascinating thread.

This is something I struggle with. Not struggle to give up but struggle to even know if I should give it up. I've started keeping a list of threads on this issue, many of them started by the wives or girlfriends of porn addicts who post here. The list is here.

 

porn and fetischizing are in the same bag. I am not using the term sexualizing because it has nothing to do with real sex. This stuff if fetischiing some form of appearance to ignore any human relationship between yourself and the person of an opposite sex and your ideas about it being transferred to sexual excitement or fantasies of it by porn and smilar forces in society. No one is going to totally escape the immense social pressures and commoditization of appearance to completely go away from this, and no one should give up their sexual feelings for those they hve them for. however, we can isolate sexual feeling from the humanity of others or the situations where we find attraction and sex and most of the oggling and "checking out" has to do with that. To me it is what color nail polish or are they wearing high heels or bust size or how much make up or all sorts of things like that. It has nothing to do with anything involving sex or a human relationship, and for me it is often fetischizing and objectifying younger women, when I am 70 year old, but not women my age.

All this amounts to is DEHUMANIZING SEX AND OUR SEXUALITY. A useful metric is do you apply the same criteria to yourself that you do to a woman or man you are checking out.

I also say this insofar as people who suffer from addictions if I am any example often do not think about how inviting and pleasant is their outward appearance. Do you respect your health and body enough to be in good shape. Do you wear clean nice clothing. Is your hair combed. Often the addicted and depressed are walking around with their hair unruly, their clothes disorganized, and not looking nice to others,

That's important too. It takes your body and mind months if not years to deprogram the neural and chemical attractions and disorganization this lifestyle inflicts on us.

Just expect it to be difficult, hard, confusing and stressful for a while because like me you spent a longer while messing yourself up. Rome was not built in a day

 

This is good advice. A woman's face, and especially her eyes, are captivating enough that you don't need to drop your eyes.