New Fapstronaut begins a new life

Hi everybody. I'm Ottmar. Being so many years jailed in porn disastrous world, I've lost lots of potential great experiences that every young boy with raging desires should have. Looking back I can see how porn has wasted my life, energy and youth, and over the years struggling with porn, I've been getting the same frustrating results which were vastly far from what I've always been seeking, and I couldn't find out what was the problem. Until the past few days that I surfed yourbrainonporn and some other related websites my eyes became open and found the main root of lots of my duplicated unwanted results. Now I'm ready to forget the porn addicted life and start a new efficient life filled with real joyful relationships.

 

Thank you for your support.
I was tired of watching porn and masturbating, and I knew that it wasn't the life that I'd been dreaming. But I just couldn't quit. Until I confronted with ED while I was trying to have sex, and there I found out that how bad I damaged myself with porn. This created energy and motivation for changing myself and right now I'm motivated by that energy.
I had loads of different contents to fap to for years and I got rid of all of them. I did unfollow instagram accounts which I checked everyday. I watch videos about porn and recovery from porn everyday and I'm planning to read wack and your brain on porn books. I'm trying to fill my free time with more work and more book readings, and I started to go to the gym. But sometimes I feel that urge to come back to the old habits of exploring and searching, and fortunately I resisted so far. Also something that is helping me, which I don't know to call it good or bad, is that I'm on flatline and I really don't feel it down there, which is so disappointing.
I also have a close friend with the same problem and we started this change together. I share whatever I learn with him, and we have an agreement to call each other whenever we have the urge to relapse.We decided to help each other through this road.
What I really want is to start to socialize and become good and natural with women which I've never been before, and though I've always knew that I really need to have real relationships and experiences, I couldn't take a practical step and I've always postponed it.
I appreciate your help and support since you've been sober for a very long time and I'm in the beginning of the road that you'd passed before.

 

Unfortunately I relapsed at the 83th day, and again in 90th day and again about an hour ago. I relapsed three times during last 107 days. It's getting harder and harder to resist. The addiction has penetrated deep inside, the cravings are so strong, I don't want to come back to those miserable days. I was very strong and positive through the first two months, but now I feel so weak against cravings and I give in so easily. I've lost my hope, I don't know how to resist against cravings.

 

I'm in touch with my ex who I was in love with, and whenever we our relationship is down, I don't feel emotionally so well.
I have an old fetish about hosiery which I've had long before I ever watched porn. So, whenever I'm confronted with contents which show these kind of material explicitly, slowly I return to the old habits and desire for more and more contents and more hardcore materials. And I begin to jump between different fetishes that I developed during porn days.

 

Thank you for your support bro
I hope we pass this hard journey successfully

 

By not visiting problematic instagram accounts and not checking youtube .
Limiting my contact with that girl and starting to have more healthy relationship.

 

It's about a year and a half since I became aware of the consequences of watching porn and masturbating with it. When I first confronted with the reality of what I had done to myself, I was sure that I would never watch porn again. But I kept breaking my promise from time to time and over and over again. I'm able to remain sober for about two months, but after that period I start relapsing with small glances at porn. I no longer binge and just relapse with taking a quick look at a couple of clips, and it really bugs me that I ruin all my hard efforts by just a couple of minutes. I could have been sober for a year and a half by now If I had kept my promise not to watch porn again. But it's just a day that I remained sober. I never imagined that my problem with porn was this serious. It definitely has some roots deep inside my brain, that keeps pushing me toward using it. Although I'm aware of the damages that I suffered by watching porn, I can't be clean of it for just a 90 days period. I've never completed a 90 days streak, and 83 days is the longest time that I've managed to resist. I don't know how to deal with the subconscious reasons that make me relapse. I don't know how to defeat this addiction.