Exhaustion

Who finds it as well exhausting to stay away from Porn? For me it feels like its even more in my head since i dont want to allow it to me anymore. Since i installed a porn blocker i as well look more mainstream movies, while i discover that i make my choices according to my expectations to see some nuditiy, intercourse, groping, etc p.
Who did make comparable experiences, and how do you cope with it?

 

You're gonna see nudity regardless, or sex scenes especially in tv shows. But at the same time giving up porn was way harder that coming across that occasional nude scene on tv. With porn I controlled what nude I wanted to see. Hopefully the porn blocker helps!

 

It helps a lot: in fact it shows me how deep my longing for porn is. What is frightening!!! I feel like im looking for compensation - and i want to know how others deal with that, cause i can imagine im not the only one.
The Problem is: although Porn is far more degenerated then any other Form of objectivation and consumerism of human sexuality, it is in a way something that happens "only" in a demarcated terrain. I feel like i`ll be able to avoid that terrain, but what about the rest? Let`s face it: there is a lot of non-porn-porn, if you know what i mean. It`s not that explicit, but the message is still the same....

 

I think that's life plus when you go long periods of time without watching porn those sex scenes in tv shows or books or whatever don't really do anything for you.

 

Fingers crossed your right, cause right now that shit triggers me a LOT!!!!!

 

I've learned that I need to be completely honest with myself or I'll just end up switching one addiction for another. Being honest with myself is easier said than done, however, and this is where meditation proves to be very useful as it tends to expose this kind of thinking. I'm deceiving myself if I think I am quitting porn and doing NoFap only to start watching tons of movies, especially R-rated movies that have scenes with nudity. It's easy for me to justify watching these movies as a "healthy" hobby.

I often argue against myself and say that it's only a movie--not porn--and I am appreciating good art. When I am honest I know much better than that. It's not really about the art or the entertainment; it's actually a subtle justification for indulging in a porn substitute. Once I learned to become honest with myself and recognize this line of thinking, the temptation often goes away. Of course, the addicted ego is quite cunning and so later I usually end up finding some other pleasure inducing habit to replace it.

 

True!!! It feels like my mind searches an exit from the Lack of Porn. Its surely some sort of self-betrayal. How do you meditate? I never really understood meditation

 

You dont try to control what you see, rather you try to control how you feel and your thoughts about it. Whenever you see something "hot" your thoughts start racing and your mind goes all wild. Stop it from the beginning, calm down and don't let your thoughts get out of control. You see boobs, just be like boobs, nice, in a calm manner and move on.

Don't fight it, resisting it only keeps it around because you have to be aware of what you're fighting or resisting so it'll only make it harder on yourself. Instead let it wash over you and divert your thoughts, as in when you see something that excites you, it starts on the mind of what you see, then you feel, but before you feel you're really thinking. It happens so fast you probably can't stop it but you can end it.

So don't fight or resist, other wise it will persist. Instead divert train of thought then forget

 

Good question. There's many techniques out there but I would say just experiment and go with what you feel comfortable. A very common technique is either focusing on the breath or focusing on mantras. In my experience, meditation helps me find empty spaces between my thoughts. What do I mean by that?

Well, I have a lot of negative wiring (bad habits practiced for years) that needs to be re-wired. For example, I almost instantly react when I see a very good looking woman. The lust can get so overwhelming at times it almost feels as though I'm forced to immediately follow up with MO (like I have no choice). Or if someone says something nasty to me, it's almost an automatic anger reaction. Meditation is like a "timeout" that gives me more time to react instead of just following-up with the bad habit. That timeout gives me a chance to think about what I'm about to do before I actually do it.

It's very subtle, but it's almost like I'm training myself to become aware of the empty spaces between the thoughts. When I become aware of the empty spaces, they allow me to not react using the bad habit. The bad habit then starts getting weaker because I'm always interrupting it (re-training the brain). But it's really the meditation training that lets me become aware enough of my thoughts to actually bypass the bad habit. At least, this is what I have experienced; I hope it makes sense.

 

Thank you for your answer and sorry for my late reply!!! Actually i have those triggers too: anger rises quickly, thats why i began again to do martial arts, and well women... i was a ladykiller mosttimes in my life, but more following an inner force then "real happiness" and "choice" (free will...) My question would be: anger, or excitement (women) is something that overwhelms us, without preparation, it is "spontanous" right? while on the otherside meditation (i did only some yoga) is anything else then spontanous: its prepared etc. So is at least my guess.... So how can you use meditation if i.e. someone is pissing you off, or you sit on a bench and this miniskirt is passing by?

 

This is from my own experience but there maybe others that have a much more helpful perspective.

Think of meditation like training the mind or going to the gym. You have to spend time alone doing this training. The training is preparing you for the "real world". You do a lot of this training sitting alone and become aware of your feelings, thoughts, etc... These feelings/thoughts are automatic and you can't seem to control them, but you're always aware of them. You become aware of when a thought ends and another one begins because you notice the mind wandering during meditation. One thought could be about something that happened yesterday and then another shows up maybe about something you need to do very soon. Whatever they are, they don't really matter and you stay focused on the breath or mantra. By consistent practice, you start to become very sensitive to your thoughts and feelings, and begin to notice when thoughts change, start, stop, or when you're angry, sad, bored, etc....

As an example, a couple of days ago I was out exercising and saw a beautiful woman jogging. My immediate thought: "She is drop dead gorgeous. I need to speed up and get really close and check her out." This was my thought which then led to a feeling of lust and excitement because I paid attention to it. Thankfully, no relapse happened after that. If I would have had a different thought, e.g. "Here's a beautiful woman who likes to exercise.", or none at all, it wouldn't have triggered the feeling to begin with. Most of us probably aren't even aware of the thought--we just instantly get the feeling like there is no choice. And feeling may trigger some kind of reaction. e.g. anger leading to violence, lust to PMO.

As you meditate more, you start to become aware of the thoughts before they lead to the feelings. For example, I like watching documentaries and only recently did I become aware of my thoughts as to why I get excited: "There's a good chance I may see some nudity". These thoughts are deeply buried and meditation helps you to become aware of them. Becoming aware of a thought gives you a chance to either pay attention to it or ignore it, i.e. focus on empty spaces between thoughts. It's like finally having a choice and not getting hit with a feeling immediately. Just remove the thought and then there will be no feelings triggered and so no reaction either.