Trying to break free

Hey There,

I am a fifty year old married male who has been PMO addicted since at least twelve. I have been part of a couple Twelve Step groups for eight years and these have been great in slowing / stopping the worst of this addiction (chatrooms, chatlines, phonelines and obvious pornography).

What I am struggling with now, however, is compulsive M and using non-porn images in a pornographic way (i.e.: for the 'hit'). Recently, I've been feeling that for me to feel even more sane in my life I need to stop M and get real about my image use. Given how I am using said images, I'm betting my brain receives this activity as it would more obvious porn - so...

The past couple weeks, I have been coming to these forums whenever I need to do something other than act out. I've been impressed with the openness and effort in evidence here. I've also found myself acting out a little less. So last night I signed up, today I post this thread, and let's see if I can't take another few steps in this journey of getting my life back!

Thanks all,

 

Honestly, this is great to read. For the longest time I felt really good about switching from 'porn' to 'non-porn'. It's taken quite some while to realize and admit what you note: "the addiction is still the same." So yes, if I begin searching for some kind of visual 'hit' what needs to happen next is becoming more and more clear: do not view it.

Thanks for the reflection, the reply and the suggestions.

One question that I've not yet be able to figure out: How does one begin keeping a journal on here?

 

This is great question, DJ. Thanks for raising it.

At present my strategies are as follows:
1. Computer blocked for adult content, chat, and time restrictions.
2. Mobile device (iPod) lacks email and browser, adult content, chat, and app downloads are blocked.
3. Attend weekly recovery meetings.
4. Communicate with sponsor several times weekly.
5. Coming here daily.

All this said, I do need a more thorough 'emergency' strategy as this is where I have stumbled in the past. Things get rough and then I say 'To heck with it...' More to come on this.

 

Wow! With thanks....