The disgust of porn: Why (and how) I stopped forever

Reading and stumbling across dozens of stories on people struggling with P addiction, I felt that it was my time to share my story.
P became a regularity during high school but I wasn't worried about any of the consequences. I felt like it was normalized and didn't really think much of it. Years passed and I got with a girl. After a while things took a turn for the worst, and our relationship was over. Since we worked at the same place, it was difficult to get 'rid' of her in my head. It was a dark period of my life, in which I eventually got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, as well as experiencing tremendous stress.

As a getaway, I would use P & M to cope with my stress and anxiety triggers. As time passed, the anxiety would slowly fade (because of therapy), but the P & M use stayed. My taste in P became more specific and I would have more trouble getting aroused (due to the excessive watching). The escalation took a turn for the worst and at one point I saw things that I (and I believe everyone) should never see. I felt disgusted. It was a point of realization: what am I doing?

At that point in time I knew: I am quitting P forever. Having tried before to quit P, I knew that every single trigger around me needed to be eradicated. No half solutions, but 100 per cent commitment. I told myself that if I wouldn't stop watching P, I would eventually get back to the disgusting, horrible, atrocious things I had seen.

First, I had to identify what were my main triggers for watching P. Plain and simple, I wrote everything down to see when I would be watching most often and why. The most important things I identified were the following:
- Being alone
- Social media
- Experiencing stress/boredom/anxiety

I had searched for good P blockers all over the internet. Some were very expensive, whereas others were reviewed badly. Blocking explicit content on my phone and computer wasn't the brightest idea as well knowing that one click would get rid of that blocker. But hey, it was a step in the good direction. Since social media (and maybe phone use in general) was one of my major triggers for P use, I decided to do the following:
- Delete all sexual content on my computer and phone. This would vary from deleting WhatsApp stickers to deleting sexual content from me with my exes. And don't hold onto a few things - with everything, I mean everything.
- Delete social media. This one was by far the hardest. I managed to delete TikTok a long time ago but apps like Instagram and Snapchat were massive triggers for P use. If, after a long time, you feel comfortable downloading them again, please do so. For me, after a while I noticed that I hadn't missed a (serious) thing and I felt comfortable with my new social media 'free' life.
- Block explicit content on your phone. As mentioned above, it is a small step into the process. But still, it is better than nothing.
- Get rid of all mobile devices in your bedroom. I do this when I go to sleep nowadays as well. Replaced my mobile phone with an old fashioned clock for my morning alarms. In the morning, I don't get to pick my phone up immediately, since it's not there. Trust me when I say you'll get out of bed a lot quicker too... At night, I would have no phone (and also no computer devices) near my bed. I replaced my phone with reading a book.
Getting rid of all mobile devices from your bedroom is a giant help, since most of my relapses and failures would be in the morning and/or evening, while laying in bed.

Another thing I did, was to make sure I had a full schedule during the week. This would prevent me from having too much 'alone' time, causing me to watch P. I went to the gym often, made sure to work on school outside of my own house, and tried to see as many friends/family as possible. A lot of people say that quitting P isn't just quitting P. It is seen as a whole lifestyle change - and to be honest, I agree with that. P is an addiction, it isn't that simple to quit. That's why you should put in a great deal of your time and resources into changing the behaviors that you yourself have created.

I could go on and on about how I quit and what helped me getting to that point. Without tiring your eyes with a huge story, I tried to tell you a shortened version of why and how I stopped watching P.
If anyone has questions or wants to tell their experiences, I am more willing to listen and help anyone that needs it.
Websites like these create a platform for fellow sufferers who try to quit the thing that will (if not already) destroy them. We are in this together. I suggest we try to help each other as much as we can, and I hope that these tips will somehow be helpful to some of you. Thanks for reading through and I will try to stay active to answer anything that comes through this thread.

- Repression

 

@ANewFocus
Thank you. We shall keep fighting the urges and pressures!

 

Nice to hear! I get what you're saying. What do you usually do when you are experiencing these dopamine dips?

Alcohol is definitely a trigger. I diminished my alcohol use drastically as well. Since I am a student I feel it is very normalized to drink alcohol, but it made me realize that both my physical and mental state are deteriorating fairly when drinking alcohol. Limiting alcohol has benefits for all aspects of our health, so I think it's very good that you decided to lessen.

 

Just looking at the NoFap benefits, I would say it feels really good to know you were able to stop watching that stuff. Also, you get to enjoy simpler things more - because you shift your dopamine spikes onto different activities.
Though, I feel that my brain and body need much more time to fight this addiction.

 

I've been off of pornography for a while now. I must say that I have MO'd a few times, but these were all during interactions with women.

It was awfully hard at first. Having no devices in your room makes it feel like something is missing. What really helped for me was reading. Before going to bed, I mostly keep reading until I fall asleep. In the morning, I get out of bed fairly quickly, since there isn't any option for distraction.
What I also do is just staring across the room. Slowly my thoughts will fade and I will fall asleep. It also gives me motivation knowing that I didn't give my brain that easy dopamine it wants.

 

It took me a few years to finally stop watching. I always say it's a marathon, not a sprint. Don't be too hard on yourself when failing. Look at your mistakes and learn from them. You can always send me a private message on here and I would be more than happy to try and help where possible.

 

Thanks brother. Try to remind yourself daily why you wanted change in the first place. It helped my through a lot of hard times when I felt like giving up.