So yesterday we had PIV. Great, as things have been really awkward and distant. Then she went on night shift. I was at home, alone and awake with chaser effect (only 16 hours post sex) with a head full of fantasy, wood and inability to sleep. She noticed I was awake (via WhatsApp) and asked why……… so I told her I was struggling with chaser effect. She asked what that was and I explained it. She was genuinely interested so I sent the link to the Getting started with Nofap. She read it during her night shift. This morning we talked. About everything. ALL my issues, state of my mind, the hidden M, the Cam watching, Porn, endless hours of edging. Resentment, objectification of random women….the whole lot. She said my entire demeanour had changed in the last week (exactly when I discovered Nofap) and that I was suddenly a much kinder and more thoughtful person to live with. She was entirely supportive, not at all judgemental and is fully on board with support. I feel so lucky to have her. I will make this work. I have to She deserves nothing less. One major hurdle overcome.
That's awesome. It's great that she is showing you so much support. Nofap is a good place to open up to things you think and feel. I have found that I'm able to express myself here and be honest with myself in ways I have never been able to be. Doing that has helped me get control of myself and my behaviors and make changes. Best wishes for you!
Next step is simple. Don’t let her down. And if I do, tell her. Immediately. She couldn’t have been more on my side. Already better connected. When I am struggling I can honestly tell her about it. No P will be easy until I am alone and bored, no M will be much harder. But I know if I relapse then it will escalate fast and so I can’t let that happen. The support on this site is incredible. I had no idea how widespread a problem this is and how damaging porn is….I have 2 teenage daughters and I really feel for them having to deal with a PMO generation of boys.
Keep in mind that your struggles can overwhelm your wife. She seems very supportive, but she's also just become aware of a whole new part of your marriage that she didn't before! I have a young girl and another on the way. I look forward to the day I can look them straight in the eye and have hard conversations about the dangers of p and honestly tell them it no longer has it's hold on their Dad. Edit: by no means am I saying keep things from your wife.
If you haven't already now is a great time to start observing your triggers and habits. I find that this addiction is rooted in bad behavior and habits. Anxiety, stress, fear, life's challenges all affect us in many ways. Once I was able to see my patterns and face my issues that's when things started getting easier for me. I hope that helps some.
