I have struggled with pornography since I was in the 3rd grade.. There were years when pornography was the only relationship that I have had. I have tried to beat this and been fighting it for years. I used to attend SA meetings and that helped a little, I have done one on one therapy and in fact just started that again 2 weeks ago. I am a firm believer that your “why” is the most important and sometimes most difficult factor to recovery. If you are not honest about your “why“ and if your why isn’t as impactful as the rush or as comfortable as the habits and routines then you are never going to get clear of this addiction.. I have lost one marriage because I never got clear on my why and now I am in serious jeopardy of losing my current marriage. My why, why I use, and why I don’t want to, is still unclear to me and that is freaking frightening. I love my wife so damn much that I have taken the process of getting away from this addiction more serious than ever before. I can only hope that I have not damaged my relationship to the point there is no going back. It’s too early to discuss the positive side and benefits because to be completely honest I don’t see very much of that currently.
You should writte down on a paper the reasons u wanna stop this filth, and read it whenever u feel tempted. Also about the "benefits", there is a lot of bullsht outhere. First if u dont abstain from PMO and only abstain from PM (still having s*x), you will have less "benefits", which would be increased energy and motivation. But this extra energy is not needed if u are married and settled, its for young men not married who need to build their life and a family. All i can say with conviction is that your life can only be better without p*rn
Average age currently to begin PMO is 9-11 years. this is not unusual. Please dont judge people for the onset of the addiction. We rarely had any control over that. First, I want to say congrats for being aware of the addiction and trying meetings and getting into therapy. those are HUGE steps! I found SA wasnt for me, but SAA has been extremely helpful. Happy to share my experiences with that. Ive seen there are a lot of roads to recovery and the "why" is one of them. But you can change routines without knowing the "why" as well. Please be open to all the avenues of recovery. dont lock yourself into one narrow road when 20 roads lead the highway of sobriety. You probably know this, but you need to quit this addiction for YOU - not just your marriage. and it can be both as well - but thats why 12 step programs have the "higher power" - something that is stable in your life and not a person or a drug. Also remember, as addicts we do not get to decide the fate of the relationships we affect. That is up to our partners and our higher power (if you have one). The most we can do is get into recovery ASAP, and to show them through *actions* that we are changing. Going to meetings every day, getting a sponsor and AP, posting here, etc. are a good start. Dont demand a timeline. Just work on doing better now, because you cannot change the past. Keep posting here and check out SAA - your benefits will come later. But if youve been in the hell the rest of us has, a failing marriage is only the beginning. Get out now and the SMALLEST benefit you will have is the absence of that nightmare. The biggest will be a whole new life you never imagined possible. Stay strong!
