I feel really good I had a slip today, but I'm keeping on track. I am getting better at controlling the thought around porn. I am getting better at realizing that I don't need it, and how much harm it actually does to me. I know that it does nothing good, for me. A big reason why I keep going back to porn or feel like I need it for some reason is because I honestly am just in a lot of pain. I feel alone a lot, and even though I have a girlfriend. I just feel like she never makes time for me. Aside from work because we all do and it's what takes up the majority of our time, so put that aside because I obviously don't hold that over her, but besides that and when work is done and over with, it just seems like she doesn't make any time for me or hardly has time for me in general. She makes a lot of, well, not false promises, but she will say we are going to do something or she wants to watch something, and 8.5 out of 10 times we don't, and it's because of her not managing her time well enough or not prioritizing me the little amount she should. I really don't act for a whole lot, and I have really bad abandonment issues from childhood, but I'm not clingy, at least not to the point where it's annoying. I only bring this up because I don't want it to seem like I'm this person who only needs to be prioritized when I'm quite the opposite. I just feel like I'm always waiting around for her to finish what she's doing, and I'm just kind of here as the last resort or the thing she knows will be there when she has the time for it. I think talking about my feelings more and more exactly like this will help me a lot. I will do it everyday. I just feel really alone, and like I'm the only one who really lives up to the plans that are set.
