Advice on what I should do. (Trigger warning)

I'm a 24 year old male, if that helps.

I have struggled with porn addiction for a bit of time. I haven't been comfortable with who I was, & the porn (I consumed) reflected that.

During the time when I was trying to rid myself of some particularly uncomfortable thoughts, I stumbled apon a hypnosis video where a female would hypnotize you to be a dominate man that forces the woman to be submissive (as in being a slave) in bed (sex) & have her enjoy it. Figuring "why not," I decided to watch it & let myself be hypnotized since I've done hypnosis videos before.

I didn't get much out of it at first; while watching other hypnosis videos from the same person (such as being charismatic with females & the one where you'll let yourself be more easily hypnotized by that person) I would only get a (which was momentary) feeling of bliss from being what I was hypnotize to be (dominate master) only for it to vanish after I masterbated (ending on the orgasm) to submissive women that were sexualized; & to get that, I'd to watch the hypnosis videos consecutively & repeatedly a couple of times over.

It started off as a way to get a high from masterbating with it only occuring once in a blue moon due to it being time-consuming & draining to act on.

After a while, I noticed somethings. I started to let go of the old fetishes since it started to creep me out more than arouse me & I started to feel confortable being a straight man, which I credited to NoFap (it had a role to play in that, don't get me wrong); I also started to find myself having different trigger points for relapses (consuming porn) & different tags I would indulged when in a relapse state which were eerily similar to what I was hypnotize to find sexualy attractive & arousing (submissive women, female slaves, women being dominated, etc.).

At first, I rolled with it because I didn't know for sure if it was a different porn fetish from a rough time period, & it seemed as if a stepping stone where I was weening (letting go of) fetishes & return to villina sex.

Without knowing it, I just associated being the dominate role when having sex as an aspect of myself. When I did online test or write stuff down, if it involved what I wanted out of sex, I would view myself as dominate & wanted my partner to be submissive; I would even get errect just thinking about it while selecting the answers or writing about it.

This didn't bother me, in fact, it felt natural to me to replace what seemed to be a degrading fetish with a more masculine desire. What else could I ask for? I thought I was fixing myself. That was until I hit a wicked snag, after being on a long NoFap streak (over a 50 days if I'm not mistaken).

I thought "I wanted to watch those hypnosis videos again, since it seem to be helping me break free of what I really started to hate & I want to have the positive traits drilled in me." I was alone & had all the time in the world to watch the hypnosis videos over & over as much as I want. The 'be a dominate master' hypnosis was booted up & I just layed in bed, letting the pleasure flow through me in waves as the hypnosis lady commanded to feel good to obey her. Feeling the arousal of her shaping me into a dominate man felt great, but as stated before, I needed to listen to it a couple of times for it to feel as if it stick in my brain at all.

Unlike other times, I had the free time to waste on this & the brain was as if it was aganist following hypnosis lady's words that day. After the 4th time, it seem as if my brain was screaming to stop (the image of a weird 4 legged creature appeared as the voice behind it). Thinking I was being melodramic again, ignored the pleads as the hypnosis lady told me to fall asleep & open up my mind for her to mold once again.

Waking up after the 4th time to feel nothing & have no thoughts appear. In what had to been a zombified state, the hypnosis video automatically replayed itself as I wanted it to & back to sleep I went. After the 6th time something cracked in me. I stormed into the bathroom & masterbated without any porn, just thinking about being a dominate man subduing a submissive woman into obeying my lustful desires. After the orgasm, I regain my thoughts. I didn't count it as a relapse since I didn't masterbated to porn (I know better now). This happen with less replay time & less screaming from the brain with the 'be charismatic with females' hypnosis video (masterbating while on the high from that one was bizarre).

The realization that the streak was dead was when I masterbating when listening to hypnosis lady make commands. The post-nut clarity hit was in the form of existential dread that led me to panickly remove all the hypnosis videos that were saved peramently. I've never touch a hypnosis video (listening to be hypnotize) ever since that day.

Only when the hypnosis videos were abandon that the affects of the videos started to appear. After reading a raunchy manga (not a smart idea), I fell into a relaspe state, however, this time, I ended up searching google for "female kneeled naked" & just orgasm (hard) staring at a naked woman kneeling while masterbated. Not sure how the search term appeared in my brain but it felt to be the right search term to use at the time. Not so long after that, I started to use that search term more fequently (I struggled to have a streak for a while). Maybe a couple of days later at most I relapsed again; while checking similar photos in google images, the masterbation session started & ended when a picture of a female naked with a dog collar on appear on my screen. That through me off a little bit, but I was in a slump at this point. It wasn't until a masterbate session started & ended with watching a video of a naked woman on all fours being walked (by a guy) as a dog with a dog collar on, that dread of what I was doing started to sink in.

The triggers were new, out of the left field, & strong. When reading a manga, the story follows a guy that trained a lot to be the best sword master. One of the plotline was a girl losing a match to the guy & ended up being a slave to him. It ended with the guy telling her to "let it go, I'm not going to do anything, just call me by my name & treat each as equals." But reading her call him "master," made me fully errect to the point that I ended up relapsing. I gotten better since, but that spark the idea that I only traded one fetish for another.

It gotten to the point that the old fetish was ditched all together to instead search for "torture bdsm submissive female" in google images. The first few times it happen, instead of post-nut clarity, I thought I was going to be killed by some group for behaving the way I've been & even thought I should die for what I did. It does disappear a couple of minutes later (thankfully).

This seems to be a low point for me in general, let alone having an awful NoFap streak. Even now, away from porn, I still feel this sense of unease. The emotions & thoughts feel all over the place. Not only that, but are irrational in ways never incountered before.

Any guidance as to what I should do or where to go?

Thank you for taking the time to hear me out.