Day 391 Had a good day yesterday. Picked up my girl very early and she worked from my home the whole day. I helped her for some time. Workout: day 284 I did my push ups before the shower and the push ups before my toilet visits. Did my workout. Walking: day 291 Took my afternoon walk of 23+ min and a 23+ min walk in the evening. Also did my 7+ min bike ride! Screentime: day 291 0:50 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:06 hours on the Internet Lying: day 4 See how you can help your partner out of a mess of your making. See what is needed to help her out of it. This would mean that external help is probably not a bad idea. Meditation: day 381 3 sessions. 57 minutes. PMO study: day 391 Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer speaks about the start of his recovery where they had counseling twice a week. He had talks with his wife that lasted all night. She would scream and yell during those talks. There was a sign of hope when his wife decided to stay in the marriage after thirteen months of counseling. However, it took a lot of work for many years to work on real trust. Sleep: day 247 Slept okay. Painful neck Healthy eating: day 247 No sugar day yesterday. Cold showers: day 291 I took two lukewarm showers.
Day 392 Picked up my girl in the morning and we spent a big part of the day preparing for her job interview today. We were both tired at some point, but got re-energized when we got intimate. Workout: day 285 I did my push ups before the shower and the push ups before my toilet visits. Did an arms workout. Walking: day 292 Didn't take my afternoon walk, but did take a 24+ min walk in the evening. No bike ride. I have promoted myself to a 24 min walk from now on! Screentime: day 292 1:08 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:06 hours on the Internet Lying: day 5 Try to see how you can help your partner out with the menial things in life. Can you help her in the house, with the kids, with the cooking? When you can take over some tasks, she will have time to focus on her recovery. Meditation: day 382 3 sessions. 65 minutes. PMO study: day 392 Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer speaks about debunking myths that will help build trust. The first myth that he writes about is that time will heal all wounds. It is of course true that a recovery journey takes a lot of time, but that doesn't mean that time in itself will heal all wounds. The writer speaks about a scar he has that hasn't healed well. It took a special kind of attention at that moment that was needed for the scar to properly heal. However, that attention wasn't gotten as the writer was in so much pain that he couldn't lie still. The doctors weren't able to properly stitch it and it didn't properly heal Sleep: day 248 Didn't fall asleep immediately as it was very hot outside. Still have a painful neck Healthy eating: day 248 Switched my sugar day Friday with yesterday and bought my favorite pastry. My girl and I both enjoyed it, but that means no sugar on Friday. Cold showers: day 292 I took one lukewarm shower and didn't shower in the evening.
Day 393 My girl had a job interview and it went well. I was of course a little bit nervous on her behalf, because I wish her to be somewhere where she enjoys being. After her interview, I went to see her, as I was already in the city. I went to see the psychiatrist yesterday and I was close to the place where my girl works. In the evening we went out for dinner and had a great night. Workout: day 286 Did my push up routine and also did a shoulder workout. The push up routine will be done today, but a little rest will be taken concerning the workout. Walking: day 293 Took a walk in the city with my girl and a short stroll in the evening. Screentime: day 293 2:22 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:22 hours on the Internet (looking for some nice restaurants in the city) Lying: day 6 Be there for your partner. Make the ordinary extraordinary for her and be sure to do a lot of extra for her. Taking your partner out is a great way to enjoy some leisure time with you. Make sure of course that this will not trigger her. Meditation: day 383 2 sessions. 20 minutes. PMO study: day 393 Read in NVC, a language of life. The writer speaks about the role of anger in Nonviolent Communication. Many people get uncomfortable when they hear Nonviolent, because they have heard many times that there is no place for their anger. Nonviolent Communication says that there is definitely a place for anger. When you are angry though, you want to let out your anger and say something nasty to get to the person. In NVC, be angry and speak out your own needs. Don't judge the other, but keep it with yourself. Look inside of yourself which needs aren't being met in the one that triggers you. Then look inside of yourself which needs aren't being met in you. This will set you free instead of keep you locked up in your anger Sleep: day 249 Slept okay! Neck ache Healthy eating: day 249 No sugar day yesterday. Didn't eat really healthy yesterday as I had french fries with my dinner. Cold showers: day 293 I took two colder showers.
Day 394 Picked up my girl in the afternoon and we went to a neighboring village. We bought some freshly grown strawberries and went to the market to buy some cheese and some fish. Afterwards, we went back to my home and my girl worked until 6:30 PM. My girl cooked and I brought her home early. Workout: day 287 Did my push up routines, but no workout. Will do workout today again. Walking: day 294 We took a walk in the village in the afternoon and I took a 24+ min stroll in the neighborhood in the evening. Screentime: day 294 1:44 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:14 hours on the Internet (translating some Turkish and checked the online stores for a good set of dumbbells) Lying: day 7 Be supportive to your partner. Don't only say nice things, but do them as well. Your partner may be sick and tired of your nice words and wants you to act on what you say. Not doing so will further break down the trust between the two of you. Meditation: day 384 3 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 394 Read in Help.Her.Heal and read about the Connection-Share. My girl and I do this every day. I've translated the Connection-Share since English is not my mother language and I noticed some subtle differences in how the questions are posed in the book and how I have translated them. Perhaps it is worthwhile to translate them again correctly and to see if it changes anything. Sleep: day 250 Slept okay. Neck ache Healthy eating: day 250 Had a bit of pastry yesterday, but that was it. My girl prepared a kind of chicken burger. It was truly delicious. Cold showers: day 294 I took two lukewarm showers.
Day 395 Picked up my girl in the afternoon and we exchanged my pillow for a different one. We then drove to a nearby city and walked around there. We went to a grocery store and my girl reflected to me that I was overly talkative with the cashier. Didn't really notice that, but I welcomed the feedback of my girl and welcomed that she wanted me to be the kind of man who wouldn't need to get confirmation from random people. After that, we drove home and spent the day cuddling. We then ordered sushi and ate it in the car on the way to bring my girl home. Workout: day 288 Did my push up routines, but also today no workout. Walking: day 295 We took a long walk in the forest, then a stroll in the city in the afternoon and I took a shorter stroll in the neighborhood in the evening. Screentime: day 295 1:40 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:22 hours on the Internet (ordering Sushi) Lying: day 8 Listen to your partner and let her speak. Don't interrupt her, but ask questions that take the conversation further. Meditation: day 385 3 sessions. 67 minutes. PMO study: day 395 Spent the majority of the day with my girl, so I didn't really read. My girl and I spoke of the process of maturing. PMO prevented me from growing up and taking the responsibility a man is ‘supposed’ to take. To be sure of oneself and to not vye for other people's attention would make me more mature. Sleep: day 251 Slept okay, but slight shoulder ache. New pillow is much better than the previous one. Healthy eating: day 251 My girl bought a delicious ice cream yesterday and wanted me to have some as well. It was really good. Cold showers: day 295 I took a lukewarm shower, but didn't shower in the evening. I missed my window of opportunity.
Day 396 My girl went on a daytrip with her brother. She went shopping for clothes. I spoke to her in the evening for our Connection-Share and we ended up talking for 2 hours. I still felt some resistance for reading the self help books about healing a broken relationship and I was instead scrolling inside our conversation. We spoke about this in our phone call and I ended up making appointments with her about it. Workout: day 289 No push ups and no workout. Walking: day 296 I took a 24+ min walk in the afternoon and a short stroll in the late evening. Promoted myself to an 8 min bike ride and did that. Screentime: day 296 3:32 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:03 hours on the Internet Lying: day 9 Connect to your partner and apply what she says. Most irritation comes from your partner about the stuff you said you would do, but didn't do. Meditation: day 386 2 sessions. 17 minutes. PMO study: day 396 Read in Help.Her.Heal about a method called the Trigger Buster. This method is for when your partner is triggered. I can't remember the 4 steps, but it is to connect with your partner and to recognize that there is a trigger going by simply asking: ‘I'm hearing X, Y, Z. Are you triggered?’ You can also ask: ‘What do you need me to do at this moment?’ And do what she says. Then, if she allows it, gently rub her back as she goes through the trigger and repeat: ‘I wanted to let you know that you are safe. I'm not acting out and I'm not doing anything that makes you feel unsafe. You are simply being triggered.’ It is said to be very effective, but I haven't tried it yet. Sleep: day 252 Slept late as I had a 2 hour phone call with my girl. Shoulder ache. Healthy eating: day 252 Indian curry for dinner. Cold showers: day 296 I took 2 lukewarm showers.
Day 397 Had a nocturnal emission and it feels as if I've failed. By now I know that it is natural, but it still feels like I should've done something that I didn't do. I told my girl and she was very supportive and said that if there are no other causes that would lead to it, it was just the body getting rid of old stock. I need to be extra aware today of chasers. Workout: day 290 Did my push ups and a shoulder workout. Walking: day 297 I visited my girl in the city and we took a 24+ min walk. I took a short stroll in the evening. No bike ride. Screentime: day 297 2:43 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:19 hours on the Internet (translating Turkish and doing tax stuff) Lying: day 10 Be honest and upfront with your partner. When shit happens, share it with your partner so she can be there for you. She, in turn, wants you to do the same and be there for her when she needs you. Meditation: day 387 3 sessions. 62 minutes. PMO study: day 397 Read in Worthy of her Trust about 3 myths of rebuilding trust in a relationship. There are more, but I read 3 myths: Time heals all wounds Not acting out is all it takes to rebuild trust in a relationship If the partner wouldn't be so controlling, it would be easier. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but details become fuzzy over time. If you are sexually traumatized by your partner, the triggers can still trigger you long after you have forgotten the event. Not acting out is a very important non-negotiable step, but you need to do a lot more to save the relationship. Sleep: day 253 Slept okay and have no shoulder ache. After the moment of nocturnal emission, my sleep has been very spotty. Healthy eating: day 253 Leftover Indian curry for dinner. Had a sugar day yesterday and ate some chocolate covered pretzels. Cold showers: day 297 I took again 2 lukewarm showers.
Day 398 Felt relatively good yesterday, despite the nocturnal emission. I was able to stick with most of my schedule and my girl was really supportive. Went to see the psychiatrist yesterday and had a good talk. Afterwards I picked up my girl and we spent the day together. We ate some nice food and I brought her home early. Workout: day 291 Did my push ups, but no workout. Walking: day 298 I took a 15+ min walk in the afternoon. Shorter than usual as my girl was making us lunch. Did a 24+ min walk in the evening. Did my 8+ min bike ride! Screentime: day 298 2:43 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:06 hours on the Internet Lying: day 11 Make sure that you are there when your partner needs you. Make her good food and talk to her to speak things through. She is in it together and you need to take care of her. Meditation: day 388 3 sessions. 62 minutes. PMO study: day 398 Read in Worthy of her Trust about myth 4 of rebuilding trust in a relationship: He wouldn't do this if he would really love me. The writer said that sexual addiction happens from an inside motivation that is sometimes triggered by outside events. In this myth, the persons saying this speak about outside events that will change the inside of someone. While it is possible that this happens, it is not likely because of the incredible amount of compartmentalization that the addict is doing. It has boxes for everything. It has a partner box and it has an addiction box. When the partner box opens, the addiction box disappears for a while. When the addiction box opens, the other boxes disappear for a while. Sleep: day 254 Slept well and have mild shoulder pain. New pillow, paired with my neck exercises, seems to be working. Healthy eating: day 254 Leftover Indian curry and french fries for dinner. Cold showers: day 298 2 lukewarm showers were taken. Still a little bit afraid to dive back into the cold water because of my neck/shoulder aches.
Thanks for asking, it helps Am feeling a lot of social anxiety lately (downloaded a new social app and got some friend requests from men and feel insecure and also just overwhelmed because I'm experiencing a lot of fatigue) and am honestly feeling a lot more empathy for women now. All this being mentioned because it was triggering and led to urges which thankfully I did not act upon for more than a brief period before pulling back and going to sleep. Am going to just really focus on remembering how most of what I want in life is built on the foundation of NoPMO, proper diet, exercise, sleep schedule, and a proper routine of other healthy activities such as being on here, studying, work, meditation, journaling, service, et all FYI, its pretty remarkable that you are able to maintain so many streaks, I imagine some of these might be correlated with and reinforcing one another or does your experience differ and does each require a separate effort/application of will?
Yes! It starts with realizing that your life stands upon not giving into PMO. I think you can only properly do it when you have clear for yourself why you absolutely don't want this anymore. Then you need someone who is there for you when you skip your healthy meal, or your good sleep, and gives you a kick in the butt. I build up one thing at a time and tell myself over and over again that I'm not in a hurry to conquer it. As long as I'm moving forward, I'm not moving backwards. I first started with abstinence from PMO, 3 minutes of meditation a day and going to sleep at max. 11 PM and gradually started to build on it. Because I take it really easy, but try to do 1% every day, I am able to keep doing it. 1 big step is very tiring, but many small steps are definitely doable.
Day 399 Had another talk with another psychiatrist yesterday and went there with my girl. After that we went into the city and my girl was shopping for clothes for her upcoming holiday. We were also very anxious to await the message of a job interview a week ago. When my girl heard that she didn't get the position she was okay with it, but she got very angry to hear why. She heard a bunch of lies and deceit that she unfortunately already expected. She hoped that the people would give her an honest chance, but it was just a sh!tshow. They didn't even consider her as a real candidate, as the manager was already biased. They let her come and they let her speak anyway and they let her think that she had a fair chance, while she probably wasn't even scored. Workout: day 292 Did my push ups. However, no workout. Walking: day 299 I took a walk through the city with my girl in the afternoon. Did a 24+ min walk in the evening. No bike ride. Screentime: day 299 1:09 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:21 hours on the Internet (responding on this thread) Lying: day 12 Be a container for the feelings for your partner. If she is angry, sad, or happy, you should be the one receiving it. You need to be there for her and you should find a place in yourself where you can receive it. Meditation: day 389 2 sessions. 30 minutes. PMO study: day 399 Read in Worthy of her Trust about myth 5 in rebuilding trust in a relationship: Having more or different sex will curb his acting out. Partners unfortunately sometimes still believe that a sexual addiction is caused because they didn't give their partners the sex they wanted, on the moment that they wanted it, and indirectly contributed to the sex addict acting out. No amount of sex and no type of sex is going to stop an addict from using. The addict is addicted to the rush of acting out and will act out even if his sexlife would completely meet his fantasies (which never ever happens anyway). Sleep: day 255 Slept well and have mild shoulder pain. Healthy eating: day 255 Pizza for dinner Cold showers: day 299 2 lukewarm showers.
Day 400! Had a good day. Met my girl in the afternoon and I took her on a picnic in the park. It was a bit busy in the park because of Ascension Day and everyone was off, but it was great to spend some time with my girl before her holiday. She will go on holiday with her brother for 10 days and will go for a family visit. Workout: day 293 Did my push ups and a leg workout! Walking: day 300 I took a walk in the park with my girl in the afternoon. Did a 10 min walk in the evening. No bike ride. Screentime: day 300 2:41 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:08 hours on the Internet Lying: day 13 Surprise your partner with many small gestures of love. Do things extra for her so that you show that you love her. When you take her out for a picnic, prepare the foods that she likes so that you both have a great time. Meditation: day 390 2 sessions. 25 minutes. PMO study: day 400 Read in Worthy of her Trust about myth 6 n rebuilding trust in a relationship: Prayer alone or more prayer will build trust While there is a place for prayer in the healing journey, it is also very much doing things differently. It is of course important to pray to have the strength (if you are a believer), but you need to actually take the next step all the time. Sleep: day 256 Slept well! Healthy eating: day 256 I made delicious stuffed potato with chicken, salad, silantro and cheese for dinner. Cold showers: day 300 2 lukewarm showers! I will go a bit colder today
Thank you @JoeBimbo I am struggling a lot tonight, I feel myself feeling overwhelmed, scared, angry, and inpatient often, and entitled at times as well and I'm just not sure how to let of of the resistance to the pain and sit with the emotions. I try to let the emotions in but these feel to overwhelming and the anxiety sensations feel to overpowering in my body and I usually disassociate and the shame I feel from vulnerability is the same and I just shut down and then reach for the P. I realize I just dumped a lot of words out on this post but if you happen to know of any ways to slowly open to the emotions and process these in bite size pieces I would very much appreciate the insight. Thank you again for offering to help and in case you don't have anything or this just feels like more then you intended to take on I can empathize and won't hold any ill feelings
You speak of not being able to sit with your emotions. You say that you feel all this and that it usually leads you to PMO. I recognize this so much, and want to start by saying that it is already a great step to see what is going on in you. It is often a mix of very overwhelming feelings which you earlier would stow away. We addicts haven't had the opportunity to process our feelings properly, as we were probably very young when we became addicted. I was 10 when I discovered porn (I'm 34 now) and used it to run away from the hurt I experienced in my family. I didn't feel wanted, as my parents were busy taking care of my autistic little brother. I also think my father unknowingly kind of shirked his responsibilities of protecting me, as he was emotionally unavailable. I think it is important to get know your story. You can share it with us, or you can write it down in a private journal. I would recommend finding a counselor or psychiatrist who is specialized in this matter, so they can speak about your feelings and how this resulted in an addiction. My experience is that when your feelings are being acknowledged, there is an enormous relieve. But lets go back to the moment you described in which you felt overwhelmed, scared, angry and impatient. There are certain things you can do in that moment: Write down for yourself on a piece of paper what you feel. It always does me well to get all the hurt out of me. Speak to a friend or family member you have already told this. It is great to speak this out. Go out for a walk Do a bit of exercise Read a book Don't scroll on the Internet, because your addiction will probably try to take over somehow. Please let us know if this helps you! I think it is great that you shared it with us, because we are in this together. Wishing you all the strength
Day 401 I miss my girl already! She had a good trip and arrived at a hotel yesterday. It was unfortunate to hear that she didn't sleep well because of all the cars and airplanes. I hope that she has a great night tonight. My parents visited me yesterday, as we had to make financial arrangements. My welfare is ending and I asked them for financial support. Absolutely not my favorite thing and they were very scared (although they said they were not) that I don't want to go to work anymore. They are impatient and think I just have to work. They have already confirmed that they will cover the rest. My mom knows of my porn addiction, but doesn't know that I go to a psychiatrist. I would've hoped that she had more compassion for my current state. My dad doesn't know anything, as my mom was adamant not to tell him anything. He just thinks I'm lazy, but I'm really not lazy. Workout: day 294 Did my push ups, but no workout Walking: day 301 My mate came by yesterday and we went out for a walk. I think we walked for approximately 20 minutes and went home again. Screentime: day 301 4:22 hours on Whatsapp (videocalling with my girlfriend) and 0:23 hours on the Internet (looking on job sites with my parents) Lying: day 14 Stay true to your words. When you have told your partner that you would do something, you need to follow up. This is now doubly significant, as keeping your word is now related to your ability to keep your word regarding your PMO process. Meditation: day 391 2 sessions. 30 minutes. PMO study: day 401 Read in Worthy of her Trust about myth 7 in rebuilding trust in a relationship: Both parties can only go on when the man has been forgiven. The writer says that this is one of the most painful myths of a sex addiction. The lady is deeply hurt, but hears from the counselor/pastor that the lady needs to forgive the man. She usually leaves more confused, more hurt and more angry. Forgiveness will come when it is time to forgive. Sleep: day 257 Slept well and have a very slight neck ache. Perhaps I need to go back to the shop and ask for an even higher pillow. Healthy eating: day 257 I had a sugar yesterday and bought for my parents and me my favorite pastry. Went out with my mate for ice cream. Cold showers: day 301 1 lukewarm shower and 1 cold shower. Will again keep on turning down the dial.
