Apologies in advance for a very personal and specific post but have been having a lot of worries recently and thought I could reach out to this community for some advice or reassurance. I once paid for a porn site which was very dark, rough and quite shameful. Looking back on it I find it disgusting but at the time I was hooked to the shit even though after it I would feel so much shame. Now that I am rebooted for quite a while I would feel sick just looking at the pictures but god knows I was in a complete haze and nothing turned me on apart from rough, gagging, sex. Now I once paid for the site and then cancelled. At around October time last year I checked my bank statement and realised that they were still charging me. Very worried, I called my bank and told them that I didn't know who the charge was from and that I was being fraudulently charged. I sent the porn company an email saying that they were fraudulently charging me money and asked them to stop. The bank locked them off and accepted that I was telling the truth. The porn company then emailed me telling me that I had cancelled my accoutn and then 1 month later with the same IP address created the account again, they told me that they looked forward to "having an interesting phone convesration with my bank rep" and that they have blacklisted me. I sent an apology letter back saying that I didn't realise I had re-opened the account and that I apologised. Now this porn site is about as bad as it gets that is legal, though i dont want to name the name. Nothing has happened since October but I am constantly terrified that they will blackmail me or if I write an article (I sometimes write about social justice) they will expose me as someone who paid for this kind of porn. I genuinelly have had panick attacks and can't sleep sometimes thinking about it. It makes things awful difficult because now I am rebooted and ready to have a healthy lifestyle again, I just can't knock the shame.. And I think the shame is harder to get rid off when it follows you around like a shadow and feels like it could ruin you at any moment. Does anyone have any advice about what I could do?? I know it's a long shot and a pretty annoying post but have been panicking about this and don't know where to turn to.
I wonder if the illegal threat is without teeth - maybe they're just trying to intimidate you and get money out of you, but they know there would be legal consequences if they ever exposed you. I don't know. This is blackmail and extortion even, something that is usually reported to a district attorney's office or some equivalent. In the truest of extortion and blackmail cases, one may need to enlist a lawyer to advise you - who can either direct you to a prosecutor to deal with a malicious business enterprise or at the very least the lawyer can send a cease and desist letter, which could peak their attention if they are bluffing. I realize, too, all the shame involved, but lawyers are like priests when it comes to confidentiality - it may be worthy of a simple consultation even, which might be initially free of charge. I wish you all the best.
If you really do fear this. I suggest you spend some money getting the advice of a lawyer who has experience dealing with these types of situations. Luckily, the porn site is a legal enterprise, that makes lots of money legally, which means they should have very little incentive to blackmail you because it would expose them to much financial risk. At the same time, there are plenty of examples of legal entities making stupid decisions. But... I'll say it again, if you feel compelled to do something about it or protect yourself or help you sleep at night, a lawyer's advice is the only thing I can think of that might help you out. The lawyer will want money just to meet with you. Likely $50 to $200, depending on the lawyer. Some are likely willing to respond to an email from you from free, but, the lawyers I have worked with tend to ignore people who are too worried about spending a couple hundred dollars on their advice. They have good reason to be this way, because, if you actually need them to represent you, things can get expensive very quickly. If you do get a lawyer, get one who has experience with those types of issues. There are lawyer referral services you can use to find a lawyer. Before you meet with a lawyer, you need to have them tell you their qualifications for that particular area of the law.
The district attorney is a great starting point. If they don't want to help you, they will likely be able to point you to a lawyer who is able to help. Or... they might even give you reason to not worry.
I feel you, my friend. Sadly, I have no substantial advice on this matter. But you have our full support brother. Keep up your amazing streak! C.
Consider how folks here feel compassion (not looking at you as shameful), and they are outraged toward the business. Any decent person would be enraged by any company that takes advantage of the little guy - which could be any of us. That's the rub of it. There's no shame in reporting this.
Congrats on rebooting, dude. Firstly, no one will judge you, mate. We've all done things we didn't like, whether it means being an ex PMO addict, or a thief. We've all had a past. Judging is the last thing anyone is going to do. This might not be of much consultation, but if you've not heard anything regarding this situation since October, no threats or anything, then I highly doubt that anything can happen. Honestly, the situation is in your favour. You've done nothing wrong and you've acted honestly throughout. It's not like you did some evil deed and are hoping it doesn't catch up with you. You've genuinely done nothing wrong. No company can use your name publicly to shame you or "expose" you. That is actually against our rights. You don't even need a lawyer for this one. You have done nothing to warrant anyone using your name publicly against your right. The company have most likely forgotten about this by now if nothing else has gone on since October. I can assure you 100% that no one is going to find your name or search you or whatever as you continue to do your articles/blogs. It is illegal for someone to try and use your name publicly against you without a crime being committed by yourself. You've not committed a crime. The company were just trying to use scare tactics against you. Try not to let anxiety get the better of you. Sleep well at night my friend, you deserve it.
I don't think the company will ultimately expose you, but they could be continued bloodsuckers in not stopping your subscription and demanding money - some legal recourse could stop the harassment if it continues indefinitely.
Things should be pretty smooth if he's heard nothing since October. If they thought it to be an issue, they'd be hounding him. If it were me and some silly company were trying to throw scare tactics at me, I'd threaten them back. There's no reason to even take legal action about this. We've just got to do a bit more research about our rights. The company has absolutely nothing on him.
There ya go. As long as they are not continuing to charge your account, you're probably fine. I don't see them pursuing it further, but if they do, do not hesitate to retain the services of an attorney experienced in these matters. In this lawsuit-happy country I see it going through.
I agree with the others. Have a chat with an attorney. Its not good for their business model if their clients realize that they are into extortion and blackmail. That's a hell of a lot more money to lose than one non-existent subscription. If they do contact you again record the conversation. We all feel shame for our pasts. My past is not very pretty either. The important thing is that you moved forward from it and you did not revert back to your old habits. Stay strong.
