Why can’t i change?

I also acted out every three days, when i was trying on my own my longest time without acting out was 28 days. I tried therapy and many other things that “should have worked.” Nothing even pumped the brakes, i tried harder and tried multiple things at once, still useless. I talked to someone who said he’d had a bit of a problem but it went away when he got married. Mine didn’t go away after i got married. i made empty promises to myself, so much that at the end i was promising myself i wouldn’t use pornography or masturbate that day and within eight hours give or take i would.
i started opening up to other sex addicts (porn is digital sex, the real reason people deny being a sex addict is pridefulness) and even talking to them about my problem (i had talked to therapists but i had to pay them to listen and they weren’t like me, plus all the stuff i paid them to say had no effect on me). It was scary but i didn’t have other good options and my future looked even more scary than talking to sober sex addicts on the phone so i eventually did and did so more and more and it’s part of why i haven’t had to use any form of or substitute for porn, masturbation or sex with partners other than the spouse for years.

 

Have you ever tried a 12 step approach?

In my experience we can truly change only after we dedicate ourselves to being of service to others.

Do not stop trying. With God all things are possible.

 

I know your frustration buddy, but I think it makes it all harder if you're too focused on changing yourself. Try instead some new perspectives or approaches that will undermine and minimize the value of it. Instead of going to war with it, fighting every day to be sober and being depressed because it has control over you, and not the opposite; tell yourself that you are in control, smile and laugh when you feel temptations (ofc while not acting upon it) and "brainwash" yourself to the acknowledgement of how easy it is to avoid it - because it's artificial, not real, and doesn't give you anything. Create yourself a beast that has moved and settled inside your head, and associate every craving you get with this beast, not yourself. It will make it easier for you to separate yourself from the addiction - and the fact that it isn't you that is the problem here and need to change, but the addiction (and thus the choice of strategy being used).

Flip every thought you have about this addiction and get ahead of the game. Wish you lots of luck!

 

If you were really sick then how did you muster the energy to masturbate to pornography/fantasies in your head?!

 

There's a lot of power in sexual energy. If we harness that power and channel it in the right direction who knows what could happen!

 

You can! You just need to be determined

 

You need to join a social group and find a woman to have sex with OR you need to find a really spiritual reason though a religion or spiritual practice to end this habit

just relying on willpower isn’t going to work

you either need to find connection with a social group and/or find a spiritual reason to stop and/or find a woman to have sex with

 

On my current streak.. also, only one time PMO in the past almost 70 days…

I joined a church group that meets every Wednesday night, ages 25-35, which also has some women, which gives me extra motivation to no relapse

also, I have a friends with benefits woman I have been having sex with about once every 10 days. I feel somewhat bad about it because it goes against my beliefs of only having sex with a woman I truly love, but it has helped me significantly

 

Trust me i ate sand ironically before i could taste the skeletons underneath.

In simple terms

Find your Ikigai.

 

I absolutely agree with my friend over here, bud. I'm sorry to say it, but it actually is [alot] easier if you have someone to have sex with when you're doing this. And yes, your willpower will only help you in the short run, not in the long - because you again need to normalize your life without it, realize how discusting it is, and learn how to deal or process your urges/cravings/horniness without using such stuff.

This is not a habit, but an addiction; you can't just leave it or try to change yourself - you need to design a strategy, implement it in life and stick to it. Associate porn as a drug (because it is) and identify yourself as someone who used to drug itself with it, but not anymore. You're actually quitting this drug every time you stop - the issue is about finding a way to not going back to it.