Hello evryone, I've started the nofap challenge 25days ago and I want to share some of my experiences so far. The sexual urge is a really strong one and before the nofap challenge, I had no idea that I've been slaved to it my whole lifetime since I've discovered these urges in early puberty. What I've figured out is that the most damage PMO has done to me so far is that I've been lookin at women as an object. An object for my sexual drive and that the only reason to communicate with them is to satisfy my urge. This is awful. The whole time I wondered why I am shy, insecure in my person, depressed, unconscious when it comes down to sexual urge and women. I stood in font of women, looked in their eyes and thaught about how beautiful they are and I couldn't tell them. I just couldn't. I never understood that it was caused by PMO'ing. You have that sexual drive, and you try to satisfy it. Normally you would go out there and speak to women, you may come close to each other and then you fall down and get the pleasure you've been looking for. But you ain't getting it, it's like you give and the girl gives, too. But by porn, you take the satisfaction. you type your favorite porn-url in your browser and you have access to evrything you can imagine (and even things you never thaught of). Anytime. Evrywhere. You objectify your urge and your object can be any form. It can be a nude blonde with huge boobs, a milf, 2 girls at the same time, black and white, sucking, swallowing, groupsex; or combinations. It's insane. And then, you go outside and meet real women. But they ain't objects, they are feeling inperfect beings; subjects. And you get that urge. But your body has been programmed that satisfiing your urge is to objectify your urge. But it is your urge! That can't be objectified, but you try to and you do it with subjects; women. And you are confronted with the paradox that makes you shy, inconfident, unconscious. And you have no idea why, and look at urself through your objectifing eyes and see all your "errors", like not fitting to beauty-standards, lack of sexual experience etc. And this makes you feel bad and you keep watching porn to escape your fake reality. It's like a drug. But you're talking to your buddies which say it's normal to watch porn so you don't see that you're a fuckin drug-addict. --- You may say yeah, sounds great, I understand your reasoning, but you won't get it until you see how FUCKED UP you are. How such destructive behavior became your daily routine. how it controlled you. Let us have a little excursus. Have you ever wondered about the etymology of "Entertainment" (I guess some would count porn to entertainment). It's to enter, maintain your mind (= latin ment). What is made to amuse us is actually hooking for our attention to maintain the attention. Think about in how you have control about the porn or the porn has control about you. As I got to see my porn usage out of this perspective in the last days, it became alot easier to keep me away from porn. I'm only at day 25, but my mind is changing (and keeps changing!) which makes me confident to say that I can cut off porn out of my life to make this life a wonderful one. I'm not cured, I'll still gonna feel the urge and it will make me feel to go back to my comfort zone, but I hope that this feeling will fade away over time. I guess that is the hardest part of the nofap challenge: To say goodbye to the prison you have created yourself that forces you to cum into cleanexpapers and just waste your virility. To live a life without your comfort zone. This makes you feel afraid. But, nofappers, let me tell you that nobody of us has to be afraid. You are in hell, but keep going!! Why did I name this post "wet dreams"? Well, because as I stopped masturbating, I had alot of wet dreams in which I had no control over my urge and made me wake up with wet pants. This night, I was able for the first time ever to gain control as I was close to the point of no return, woke up and simply could stop ejaculating. It was a feeling of: "Fuck no, this not the way how I want to get this sweat feeling!" This made my day. Have a nice day everyone.
