Suppressing sexual thoughts

I agree, if I get sexual thoughts I relapse much easier. Problem is that my thoughts are influenced by porn.

 

ive done this many times. you will crack and relapse eventually - that one time "oh i'll jut think aboout sex just onceeeee" and thats your relapse.
You will crack under pressure, suppression is good sometimes but not all the time.

 

I think when people say to embrace them, that can be misunderstood. I don't think they mean to let your imagination run wild. @taqwa has some good stuff in his journal about facing/accepting triggers and fantasies. It's more about having a conversation with yourself. Rather than just saying "Nope!" and shutting down your brain, address what you're thinking about and talk to yourself about why you shouldn't be thinking about that. Rather than just suppressing thoughts and kind of momentarily "forgetting" about them, just for them to inevitably come up again later, talk yourself out of your thoughts. In order to really get rid of the thought for good, it helps to have a good, solid reason why you shouldn't be thinking that.

For example, I've been definitely using the "Nope!" cover my ears and say "lalalala" til the thought goes away method (metaphorically... I don't really cover my ears and sing lol) for a while, and it was pretty hard because I would think about something, stop my thoughts, and then throughout the day it would just keep popping up. However, recently, I was thinking about something inappropriate, and I just got this overwhelming like... disgust with myself about it. Not to be too detailed in what I was thinking about, but it involved a "real" person (like a friend of mine, not a fictitious nameless face), and I just started thinking more about that person and how wonderful they are and I was disgusted with myself for ignoring all of their deep, amazing qualities and focusing on them in an objective way, using them as a "tool" to fantasize about. I felt pretty terrible about that, and since then, I haven't had any sexual fantasies about anyone I know personally. Thoughts have popped up, but they've been really easy to dismiss because I'm like, "No, that's awful. That's not fair to them and I don't want to objectify my friend." Having that kind of a "solid" reason to not think about something is a lot more helpful than just saying "don't think about this because it will be arousing and might lead to a relapse," which is usually the only real thought we have when we're playing the "lalala" game.

I hope that cleared things up a bit... honestly it cleared things up for myself. haha I didn't really realize the importance of "accepting" fantasies until I started writing this out. I'm going to try to do that more often.

 

In my opinion, there's two ways to answer, and it depends on where you are in your recovery.
If you're at the beginning, supressing is a good idea at first, because it helps to get over it. The real problem is that your sexual thoughts at the beginning are porn induced. They're fake, and every time you replay them in your mind, it reinforces the porn induction.
Then, those images and fantasies will progressively fade as you progress and free your mind, and leave place for more real thoughts. More memories from real women, people encoutered. Those will be real, and thus you will have to own them as real life experience, not fake images made for money.

In a nutshell : if it's fake, get rid of it, otherwise, own it. But at first, everything will be fake.

 

Agreed!... Except her writing is far superior! Thanks @TakingTheSteps for your further elucidation and clarity! May your pen be your sword to spread light! Stay strong! Win!

 

Mmm. Elucidation. Nice one.

 

Well said brother!

 

LOL

 

LOL brother! It is all good. It is always about the message not the messenger. You can take anything I write and spread it (if it is worthwhile). We are here for one reason...to help each other defeat PMO! I am happy to stand beside you united. Stay strong! Win!

 

haha you're hilarious! I totally forgot about Teletubbies. I think I blocked that out of my memory due to the trauma.

 

My youth pastor used to call that "playing the nah nah game" but I didn't think that would translate well through text, so I altered his wording a bit. lol

 

LOL! In numbers we find strength! Stay strong! I wish you much success on your journey!

 

Well what seems to work for me regarding ALL feelings is not suppress, not exactly embrace, but manage. If you just "sit on" feelings, they eventually pop up from the pressure. If you allow them to run lose, they rule your life. If you just manage them, you acknowledge that they are real, God-given like everything else, part of me, but not running my life. Easy for me to say, I'm frickin' relapsing all over the place.

 

Lol, been there! Well, am there, currently. I often feel kind of hypocritical giving others advice when I'm not really taking it myself. But don't let your momentary failures silence you! We can still benefit from the lessons you're learning And maybe future-you can benefit from them as well.

 

Thank you man . . . words after my own heart!!

 

So wise! Absolutely! Perhaps the student gains more than the teacher! Please don't hesitate to share those wonderful thoughts! You never know which one will be that arrow that pierces the heart...

 

The real courage is to come back here after a relapse! I thought you said you were a coward... stay strong! Win!

 

^ truth.

And that's a lie -- the feeling of not wanting to come back after a relapse. It's a lie that tries to keep all your secrets bottled up because you can't grow that way. Don't believe the lie!

 

That reality caused me to relapse about 11,213 times (rough estimate)...you get the point!