Starting NoFap - advice please?

Hi all, newcomer here! Thanks for having me

So long story short mine (20) and my partners (20) relationship nearly completely collapsed around 2 years ago due to my porn addiction. They helped me realise my addiction and began helping me change. It decimated their self confidence and it's still something we're working on now. Since then I reset a few times (each time they found out) but I've not watching pornography of other people in a very long time. I have still masturbated since then to their nudes and videos we have with each other, which has mentally felt far better than before. I have no desire or anything to watch porn of other people, however I still think about porn quite frequently, so I want to try NoFap to try and rewire my brain completely, as I still feel immensely guilty about it, and I'm very conscious of how far we've since come (we are now engaged, living together and planning our futures.) I'm looking for some advice on a few things that I'm thinking about, which I'll list off.

1. I do enjoy being sexual with my partner. I know and understand that the dopamine has a massive effect, but for me having sex with my partner has always been immensely romantic, and goes beyond the 'having sex' bit. I've always focused on their pleasure more than my own, and I don't view them or our sex like any pornography I've ever seen. We also don't have sex an awful lot, which doesn't bother me at all as it then adds to that moment feeling the way it does since its not just a thing we do to feel good, its a moment between us. Because of this, I'm thinking of doing the PM reboot, would anyone who has tried this or has these same feelings in their relationship be able to give some input into how it was for them?

2. I enjoy seeing my partner naked in photos and the like. I sometimes look at the photos not in a sexual way, but just in an admiring way. Would viewing these still class as porn, or simply me admiring my other half, and if so would it affect my reboot to look at these?

3. I've seen a lot mentioned about the positives of rebooting, and I am incredibly excited to experience so many of them, but one that concerns me is regards sensitivity. To be blunt, sometimes I can last around 20 seconds, or I'll orgasm straight away when we start. Could rebooting possibly make that worse? (it wont affect my reboot, but its just to note to possibly think about seeing a doctor about or something like that)

4. I saw on The Basics of Rebooting that many people return to masturbation following their reboot. This is more of an intrigue rather than anything else, but if anyone has done that, how is masturbation without porn? I've watched porn since being around 11-12 years old and I've only ever masturbated with porn. Did you notice your desire to do it was less, or was it not that affected by your reboot?

5. If you've rebooted and come and joined this community, have you told your partner, and if so did it help? I want to tell them that I've joined to completely nip it in a bud, but I don't want them to think that I have been going behind their back again and betraying their trust and I've only done this out of regret of a reset.

Thats most of the things on my mind at the moment about it. I apologise if I've not worded it great or come across as a bit much, to be honest I'm incredibly nervous to join and start talking but the posts I've read so far on here have been really inspiring so I'm happy to be surrounded by you all, so thank you for that.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone <3

 

Yeah that all makes sense to be honest, thanks for the advise!

 

Just thought I'd return with a bit more input as i was in a rush when i replied. I told my partner before this thread even had a response tbh and they're proud I'm taking this step. I've always tried to be as open as humanly possible with them and it really had paid off. The point of no PM is interesting, ill 100% keep it in mind while I continue!

 

Thanks for the reply, I completely agree with all of this. The only social media I really use now is facebook to talk to my family and snapchat to talk to my friends back home as they never reply via regular text. The points on the nudes are really helpful, it's giving me a lot more insight from a third party which is what i think will really help me on this path to sobriety. Thank you once again for your reply and advise!

 

Thank you for the reply, I agree with everything here. Like mentioned I spoke to my partner when they got home and I'm really glad I got to it so quickly. My issue with my honesty has always been that i have full intentions of being honest but delay and delay, usually resulting in it only coming out once my partner had found out, so now I just bite the bullet and get it out ASAP. It's massively helped since I've started