Seperation while recovering

doingmybest91 · Dec 23, 2023

Hey all,
I am recovering been addicted for 20 years. I married my wife back in 2019. We always had intimacy issues and i never gave my recovery the attention it needed. Fast forward to November 2023 my wife discovered the true extent of my addiction. Since that month i have not PMO'd. This is the love of my life and i'm still scared i'm on the verge of losing her. We had decided to open the relationship since i was not meeting sexual intimacy needs due to my addiction. Recently she has found someone that not only meets those sexual needs (which i'm fine with because i am recovering) but also now her emotional needs and this is what scares me. Since December 15th we decided to try separation for a month to see if that helps her see past my past actions during the addiction. I'm just afraid i've waited too long to be intentional about recovery and i am going to lose her to this new person. I know it's ultimately her decision if she wants to give me a chance but for now i have my hands tied. I can say that the recovery is going well and it's been 52 days i just hope it'll be enough for that second chance.

Warfman · Dec 24, 2023

Sorry to hear this.

Sounds like you really only have one option, work on recovery. There are probably going to be some bumpy roads ahead. During those tough times try and remind yourself why you are wanting to stop. It cannot just be too get her back, it has to be for youb and your own well being as an individual. If you put all your motivation in doing this for her, there will be a time where you probably are doing to feel like things aren't working like you hoped and those are times when you'll be susceptible to relapses and that ultimately ruins your chances more. Just try and focus on yourself, and being the best person you can.

Best wishes

doingmybest91 · Dec 25, 2023

Warfman said: ↑

Sorry to hear this.

Sounds like you really only have one option, work on recovery. There are probably going to be some bumpy roads ahead. During those tough times try and remind yourself why you are wanting to stop. It cannot just be too get her back, it has to be for youb and your own well being as an individual. If you put all your motivation in doing this for her, there will be a time where you probably are doing to feel like things aren't working like you hoped and those are times when you'll be susceptible to relapses and that ultimately ruins your chances more. Just try and focus on yourself, and being the best person you can.

Best wishes
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Thanks, I agree and something I am working on is my why, it can't be for her but also my own well being. Working on new hobbies and trying to figure out what I like as well in this process.

Real Jerry Seinfeld · Dec 28, 2023

I think making your relationship open was a mistake pal. I knew a fair few couples at university that did this and it was always the first step towards splitting. Her having sex and an emotional connection with another man I think does not portend well. Are you planning to intervene in some way? I don't know the history of your relationship but I think perhaps it might be wise to end her involvement with this other fellow as soon as possible.

doingmybest91 · Dec 28, 2023

Real Jerry Seinfeld said: ↑

I think making your relationship open was a mistake pal. I knew a fair few couples at university that did this and it was always the first step towards splitting. Her having sex and an emotional connection with another man I think does not portend well. Are you planning to intervene in some way? I don't know the history of your relationship but I think perhaps it might be wise to end her involvement with this other fellow as soon as possible.
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Yeah definitely something I regret doing. Just thought of it as a band aid. But I'm in a much better space than I was when I posted this. I can only apologize and attone so much. If she wants to leave me for another just because they're sexually compatible she's not the one for me. I hope she makes the decision that temporary good sex isn't worth calling out relationship quits. Cause I'm done punishing myself and worrying over it.

Real Jerry Seinfeld · Dec 29, 2023

doingmybest91 said: ↑

Yeah definitely something I regret doing. Just thought of it as a band aid. But I'm in a much better space than I was when I posted this. I can only apologize and attone so much. If she wants to leave me for another just because they're sexually compatible she's not the one for me. I hope she makes the decision that temporary good sex isn't worth calling out relationship quits. Cause I'm done punishing myself and worrying over it.
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Yeah I think that's a good attitude to have. If she was the one, I don't think she'd be off doing this mate. But I don't know the ins and outs of your history so take that with a pinch of salt. Hope it works out one way or another mate, keep us posted and stay strong.

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Seperation while recovering

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