I relapsed Nov. 14th... I abstained from porn/fapping from Oct. 4th - Nov. 13th... Can't really explain what triggered it.. I met a girl about 3 wks earlier from my relapse date and our attraction seemed huge. However, she would not let things advance far sexually. I quickly became emotionally invested.. so when she stopped reciprocating the attraction it hurt. Even with this I was able to prevent myself from fapping. Then I had a date cancel with a new girl I was excited the day before the relapse.. I woke up in the morning and just allowed myself to rationalize a good wank (I remember the crazy rationalization!) Then one turned into two wanks, into three.. jesus! Same old story. This relapse continued until last night November 18th (3-4 times yesterday) Some background.. I was directed to NoFap because about a year ago. I was at the lowest point in my life concerning intimate relationships with women. For about a year I had no options, no prospects and I was sick of it. So I searched out local groups/communities that help men improve with dating and women. I have been committed to this improvement for a year and it has a been and amazing journey with successes, failures, tremendous learning, definite improvement in my romantic life and an overall catalyst for better self-development. I came to the NoFap community through my desire to better myself overall (especially with women). I know and believe how powerful abstaining from porn/fapping are! Every time I do this I create more and more amazing things in my life in addition to improving with women. Can you believe that some guys I know who I told that I am abstaining from this made fun of me and said abstaining from porn/masterbation is stupid! Well, that's there loss I am convinced and committed.... But... I keep relapsing. How will I know if I have rebooted? How long will it take? Can I commit to never watching porn again? I honestly would like to.. but I am actually scared to make this commitment.. It has been my stress release for my entire life. I've never done drugs, have not problem with alcohol control. I am able to eat healthy if I exercise but no more porn.. never again.. it actually scares the shit out of me!!! However, I also really want to give it up for good. It has never done anything good for me, never benefitted me.. only robbed me of so much in my life!! I'm actually getting very emotional writing this.. because I know that the life I want to have cannot exist with porn.. but I keep going back to it again and again whenever I need a stress relief. I just read one of the most interesting books. The way of the superior man - David Deida. Its all about how masculine men, can have these amazing intimate sexual relationships with women through spiritual loving. The things he describes in his book are what I want to experience and have in my life! Porn cannot exist simultaneously with this!!! Please help me.. how can I quit porn for good... my fingers actually tremble while writing this.. When I look back on the past month I have made so much progress in so many areas of my life... I believe a large degree of this has been redirecting my energy to passionate pursuits. In addition to meeting the girl I mentioned above. I have had more dates, met more exceptionally attractive and amazing women then ever before in my life, and I met these women in my everyday life, the street, stores, etc.. Not the internet. I start a new job tomorrow where I will make enough money to soon move back out of my parents house (I'm 38 yrs old BTW), I am pursing my passions in music & biz and continually working on self development. So really the last month has been amazing! What more can I ask for.. I got to actually feel a deep emotional connection to a really attractive girl, even if it didn't work, knowing that I have this deep capacity is rewarding in it's own way. It goes without saying that I am going to recommit to NoFap. My goal is a full two months! NoFap until Jan 20th, 2015. However, I believe I am at a huge choice point... What I really want to do commit to never watch porn again. NEVER! Does this mean after my two months I can still masterbate? Here are my ultimate goals: -Outstanding, fulfilling sexual, emotional and intimate relationships -No porn addiction -No masterbation addiction I know it's only a matter of time to accomplish the first one.. but In order to achieve the sexual part of my first goal I need to break my addiction to the other two. I know I will always have stresses in my life. In the past I have always used masterbation/porn as a way to deal with these things. Maybe I need to commit to an alternative way to deal with stresses instead of porn.. but porn is so easy. I am guessing I need a full reboot.. but what exactly does "a full reboot mean"? Does it mean no more addiction? If yes.. then I will go through it.. or will I always be a recovering addict. Like an alchoholic. I really want to clarify these goals.. any suggestions would be appreciated... Thank you for reading.
Yes, you can give it up for good. And if you use porn and masturbation to relieve stress, then you need to find other ways to relieve stress that are healthier. Meditation, exercise, hanging out with friends, other hobbies, etc. I don't think it will ever go away 100%. Once pathways are created in the brain they never go away entirely. But they become weaker over time and your healthier habits will become stronger. I gave up caffeine a few months ago. Before I gave it up, it seemed unthinkable to go a day without a cup of coffee. I couldn't even imagine it. Now I hardly ever think about it. Occasionally it crosses my mind but it's really easy to dismiss it. I don't crave it or want it anymore and I notice that my life is better without it.
it is like you said - it robbed so much in life! zero benefit! before this shitty addiction i had several beautiful girlfriends. excessive porn watching made me a pitiful sexslave. i lost the control. porn is a big lie! a damn dreamworld for perverts. it is really hard to leave this swamp. but i read many success stories here. so i am sure it is possible. the most important thing is: to keep up! to stand up after every relapse. again and again. nice - i blowed off some steam! lyfetyme two months abstinence is a good and realistic goal. good luck on your journey.
