Rebooting is a must, although it's taken me 9 months of relapse to realize it

I felt great during - after the first 10 days or so - my reboot. I had lots of extra time and energy ... now I am feeling defeated, sad, and lonely. The last nine months have been emotionally though; I suffered the loss of a parent and had a major to do with one of my siblings. I have been very weak in the self-control department; addictions are my way of dealing with pain. (ha ha how original)
I need to focus on truly healing what causes me to seek self-gratification as a drug and the first step is to get off of it. Coming back to this forum is humiliating to me, I truly thought I had figured it out and my life was forever changed, and it is. Now I know for a fact that it is a problem and it affects all facets of my life even if I will not ever admit that outside of this forum. But especially in the last four months, the escalation was gradual at first, my addiction to masturbating, sex, and porn is again becoming very pervasive, I need to stop.
Here is my commitment, it's been 2 hours now and I am feeling very edgy, I will work through this as hard as I can, my husband will be home in another 3 hours or so and should not have an opportunity to do anything until maybe monday without really having to go out of my way ... I want to be free, I want to look people in the eye and not be ashamed. I need to go, check the panic button, it's been a while.
Good luck out there