My girlfriend was looking through a forum on here by partners of nofap members..

It may be worth pointing out that this forum doesn't provide a realistic cross-section. Fappers who recover and happily move on probably don't come on here. The same likely goes for all the SOs whose husbands didn't mess them about for years. As for numbers like '5%', there's no data for that, these are just statistics people pull out of thin air.

 

Boredom is good for you.

 

This is a tough one. I wish I had the answer to it too. An understanding loving relationship definitely helps. But there's definitely more to it than that the relationship alone can't always fill that void. The "loneliness" stems from stuff much deeper than just feeling alone. A fear of being alone, I think may stem from not being able "to look yourself in the mirror" or telling ourselves "Your worthless" (fill in the blank for yourself there). Facing that core lie, whatever it may be is crucial. For me anxiety is tied to aloneness, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and on edge, I have to practice being comfortable being alone with myself if that makes sense. Practice makes perfect, and this takes a lot of time. There's no magic pill I've found that's a quick fix. self-talk or meditation can help. Routine prayer if you're religious, shutting off the tech, and working being alone similar to a workout routine really helps, maybe start with 5 mins of alone time dedicated to just silence and try to slowly increase that duration over time. I definitely am no where near done, but I know it's helping.

 

Loveafterporn on Reddit is another good place for her to check out.

But also, you should definitely be aware that there are women whose partners did quit immediately and did not give the runaround for years who still wish they had run as soon as they found out. I left immediately. As far as I'm aware, he has not touched porn or psubs since our Dday and I believe him. He is still very focused on building a positive recovery life and hoping that we will reconcile one day, but it will just never happen. I still have no regrets about leaving.

There was another older lady on here whose husband quit immediately and had a long stretch of sobriety. He didn't go back, but she still decided the best thing for her was to leave. She is on loveafterporn and still posts there occasionally and also has no regrets.

But there are dozens of women that I've met in the past however long whose husbands haven't had hard relapses and still regret staying. It's hard to live with someone who lied to you for so long and ever feel safe again. My advice when they're a girlfriend and not a wife with kids and tangled financials is always to move on and don't settle if being with someone who cheated on you bothers you. It's something you recover from, but not something you EVER get over.

 

No worries, mate. I'm glad that you've both got some perspective on it. It's easy to let negativity or bitter sentiment get you down, but there's always cause for positivity. Pour love and support into each other and you'll get through this