Please forgive the length. Ok I was at this thing once, a girl noticed I was comfortable dressed down and gave me non verbal indicators of interest for the first and last time and I was able to act on it. However she lived 6 hours one way, I lived 1 hour the other so... also it was 20 years ago. I was picked on as a kid before I got my first porn mag at about the age of 12 My brother was always a dick to me. I did kinda have the love shy thing going on as I developed an interest in girls at about age 10. I could talk to them but heaven forbid asking one out or expressing something that could be considered interest. Moved for grade 9, went from being picked on to being a social punching bag. Grade 10 to 12 in an all boys school. All though that I firmly believed things would get better at university [they did] I also firmly believed that at some point mathmatically speaking I'd meet some girl who would dig me. University, I could talk to girls but again heaven forbid asking someone out and none of them seemed interested. I found out in over 10 years later that the folks at the univeristy radio station when I was there for my first year called me social disease behind my back. Apperently I was quite memerable. I got into roleplaying, made other forever alone friends for the first time since grade 8. Got my first computer around the age of 20. Jpegs for the win. Unrelated finally figured out soap as lube around the same time, before that my arm would give out before Mr Happy. Before then my O's were from wet dreams. Mid 20's I moved and went to another school [masters] I saw this utterly stunning girl, a bit chubby which did wonders for that face [face guy for the win]. I came to the sudden realization that even if I did meet someone I'd be expected to make the first move and I couldn't. To be fair she didn't show any interest in me other than plain politeness of a cheerful girl working at a uni arcade without much to do. Went into a deep depressive spiral. Tried doing new shit [above mentioned conference, only white dude at a black student poetry reading etc. Volunteered for a campus thing, of 4 written complains 3 were about me. On the plus side, met some neckbeards via the roleplaying one of whom recently tracked me down after 15 years on the facebook so yay for me. Went back home. More uni. More a whole lot of nothing. Noticed as the D&D died I was finding it harder to related to the previous nerd friends. Followed the surviving parental unit to another province. Held 2 jobs. Both I left in 8 weeks from breaking down from stress. In one I was actually bullied [over the age of 30, I never expected the high school experience again]. So here I am. In the past 10 years I kinda broed out with one dude but I figured I was better off alone. No dates, no nothing. Small town without a lot going on, nothing I am interested in. I don't work but thankfully I don't need to [Thank you TSE financials! and parentals] I'm fat [lose weight they say, I've managed to keep 40 pounds off for the past decade and was down another 50 to 230 twice but it isn't that easy] It isn't being alone that bothers me, I do have my 80ish year old father at least for now which helps. It isn't even being currently friendless that is so bad. What is utterly killing me is the keen sence of universial rejection. I read of other guys who can get girls to sleep with them, date them, even love them and it just makes me so depressed at times. I had an episode last year for a few months, I knew it would pass and it did. Normally I am an upbeat jovial kinda guy but in the last month or so it is getting harder again to deal. Tonight was a bad night. I don't have addiction issues [trust me I just went over 2 weeks of nofap without even noticing and when I get to house to myself I often have to push myself to PMO more compelled by my no O history as a teen] I do seem to have the PIED [money can be exchanged for goods and services] I am not otherwise shy. I can't ask a girl out on a date or as friends [because she might think I have an interest in her and be disgusted] without clear signs of interest. Otherwise if I have a reason to talk to someone I can no matter how hot. Not that this comes up very often outside of going about to stores, libraries and dealing with employees. I'm actually quite chatty and I believe I am truely considered funny, for all the good it has done me. I am thinking that with my looks, status and social problems [even with dudes] that I am too much of a basket case for NoFap to help. I suppose I could lay off a few months for the next escort trip when the money builds up again, it would be nice to blow a load at least once in a girl instead of having no feeling at all. However I have my doubts it will have any effect on anything else.
I just realized that the above reads more like an introduction than a question. Apologies if it should have gone into the newbies section.
I say you should do hard mode for 90 days min. and see if things change. And please know, P starts in reality are not hot, it's makeup, lighting, clothes, etc... Also, be sure you do not set your bar too high, unless you are hot it is less likely you will get a hot girl, meaning, stop worrying about looks and build a relationship. Good luck.
Actually my preferences are towards the adorkable and the plain janes. Give me a Kate Micucci over a Kate Upton any day. It is scary how low my standards can drop. I know this partly contridicts but. Early last year I had a 3 month depressive sprial. Before I just gave up all hope [which helped get over the funk BTW] I went to this thing. I was chatting with this girl. We just clicked after a few false starts. Roleplaying games, Monty Python, Jimmy Carr, once we found common ground... Here is the thing. She was huge even by my standards and did not carry it well [some do] but by the end of that conversation I'd be quite willing to well no triggers here right. However I got the feeling that from her end she was just enjoying a good conversation and when I got home that night I did some facebook stalking and found out she had a boyfrield. So it was a good thing I didn't bother making a move. Anyhow I went back once more than gave up on everything. It seemed like a dead end anyways and something I am not inclined to do if I can't meet someone. As for building a relationship ignoring the above, I haven't a clue how in my situation. Most of my conversations unless they involve people whose job it is to be nice to me usually involve me saying something, getting an acknolegement of some sort combined with a lack of any interest on their part in continuing. I used to think there was something wrong with my conversational skills but it is a 2 way street isn't it.
