Hello all. I am the SO of a porn addict and I'm looking for some advice from someone who has had sucess in fighting this addiction. My SO has come to terms with his addiction and we see a counsoler regularly. We have had all the fights and arguments just as most couples when it comes to this. According to him right now, he is doing really well. Almost 3 months no PMO (as long as he is being honest with me) Recently we have talked about marriage and kids and all that. I want a life with him, but because of what his addiction has done to us, I'm having a hard time taking the next step. So..to get to my questions.. I'm looking at down the road at things like: What happens when one of us go out of town for a few days? It's natural for someone to get horny but what is the difference if he just handles his business or if he looks at porn again and spirals down? How do you determine the addiction from just taking care of yourself? Same thing goes if I have a kid. I wouldn't be able to have sex for a little bit after. I'm totally up for other things but a new baby puts stress and what happens when I'm too tired and he looks at porn to sub for it. How does it not turn back into the addiction? How does he not spiral down from looking just "a couple times" I don't know if any of this makes since but I would really like some help. Before this all came to light porn wasn't an issue to me. I had the mindset of hey if I'm not home do your thing but now my mindset is totally different. I honestly don't know if I could handle porn in my home again. I feel like that makes me a prude and I hate it. Anyway, any help would be awesome. Thank you
You are not a prude! You want a kind loving home established before heralding a new bundle of joy in to the world. I think that's wonderful. Some thoughts on your queries: Taking care of himself if you're away: among us addicts, this is probably one of the most frequently considered issues. And it comes down to what he needs to stay free. He is best suited to know that, but if you're happy to listen, you should be included in the discussion. My wife just wants to know the bare essentials. I'm in P mode and that works for me. I am reducing the amount I masturbate, and especially how much I fantasise. That's one way. Some need complete abstinence, and that includes no orgasm with their SO. Check out the SO support group for more. Great people. Maybe get your SO to read up on the female SO voice in the open forums too. Post baby... I went through that once, and I was firmly entrenched in my PMO behaviours. I thought it was ideal to take the pressure off, or was that just the excuse of an addict? Who knows. I have little experience on which I can draw to share with you. But my (now) much healthier sex drive and attitudes could only have helped. And I'm only about 4weeks in. Nonetheless, our daughter was a terrible sleeper, and we were dead against leaving her to cry. It was the most magical time of our lives, and the most difficult of our marriage. But if you really truly get through this PMO addiction together, I think you can be confident that you can get through having a child together. That's a relationship perspective. A parent perspective is that you will be able to pour all your love into a new bundle of joy. Hope this helps at least a bit. Best wishes for the future, MH
