First, I want you all so much for your support since I have joined. I don't know where my mind would be without this site. I have a question about lack of feelings/emotions. I read the article on YBOP regarding this (http://yourbrainonporn.com/can-porn-use-blunt-my-emotions) but I am curious to hear your experiences. My boyfriend says he doesn't really feel anything aside from anger or depression, marked with small amounts of happiness (usually from playing his drums - he is a musician). He was the first one to say he loved me years ago, but he says he knows it, doesn't necessarily feel it. He says he wants to learn how to love, and that is very hopeful (he has been saying that for a long time). He questions whether or not he is actually in love with me, and that hurts so much, but I feel like if someone can't feel much of anything, how can they know true love? Have you experienced anything similar?
I experienced something similar when I reached bottom of my Depression, I sought therapy and got better, so much better that I was no longer clinically depressed; this was at the point when my Porn addiction and Sex addiction was taking a course for the worse (I didn't know then that I was addicted to Porn and to Sex). Now that I am living a Porn-free life, I believe that my Depression was a symptom of my Porn addiction and Sex addiction; the Porn addiction feeding my Sex addiction and vice-versa (but not depressed anymore); then it all came crashing down and reached bottom (still not depressed anymore). Now I look back and I know that Porn gave me: Brain fog. Hard to describe but... everything was foggy, including sensations and feelings Porn addiction and Sex addiction gave me a skewed perception of reality I know about those 2 because now everything feels different, my perceptions of life and reality and things is different, so are my feelings. You asked for someone's experience and this is it. Again the Depression being a symptom of Porn addiction and Sex addiction is my opinion and has no scientific basis. If your boyfriend is depressed he should seek help. If he's addicted to Porn he should enter the NoFap program so to speak. True Love? We all give different meaning and interpretation to that. I can't help you there.
Angry all the time over here. But I use it as a positive thing. I use my anger at porn to not watch it again, and to push myself extra hard when I'm running.
From my own experience, P definitely numbed my emotions, to the point where I was unsure whether I love my wife or P better. It took my brain about a month of rebooting before I could actually watch my feelings come back to life, and with a vengeance. I can honestly say that I'm more in love with my wife now than ever before in my life (my PMO addiction precedes our relationship) Wishing you all the best!
I am in a love/hate relationship with porn right now. I could barely remember how it was to have emotions other than the high I got from watching it. I am yust on day 7 now and I have been trying to kick this for 5 years. I have been depressed and socially awkward for a long time. I am going to search for therapy. The reboot is hard because I keep having heavy flashbacks, Emotions are returning but I am mostly experiencing the bad ones for now. I am 24, never been in a true relationship. Unable to cry in funerals. I always get really anxious if I manage to get a girl on the hook. I end up messing it up because I am deathly afraid of committing to anyone, or anything for that matter. I managed to get a girl home with me once when I was on day 17. I felt so powerfull. Every girl seemed to want to check me out. I danced with them, had fun. No worries at all. Lost my virginity but realized it was too early. I struggled to get it up even with a naked girl in front of me. I knew it was the porn. I never came. I yust stopped at one point because I yust lost all attraction. It wasnt even close to what porn could give me. 2 days later I relapsed and gave up on nofap for several weeks. Got suicidal like so many times before. Breaking up with porn is really hard. For many people it is the only thing that makes them feel "normal" even if it is for a really short time.
Hey bro, good to see you here and motivated. You mentioned that you're seeking therapy which is good, also check out SMART Recovery, it's like AA bot for all kinds of addicitions, I went to 1 of their meetings and I thought it was good. I will go back once work is less busy.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Don't give up, please. You can defeat this monster. You are in the right place! What you said about commitment and your inability to feel really helped me understand more about my SO. Keep reaching out - you have a lot of friends here.
@desperatehousewife You can see from all of these responses how P contributes to numbness and depression. Depression especially is an ugly monster. People who have not experienced it often wonder why the depressed party can't just 'get over it' and 'choose to be happy.' Depression is not a case of the blues. It's not pessimism. It's not a choice. Your addict's expression, that he knows he's in love but doesn't necessarily feel it, resonates. Porn contributes, but may not be the full equation. Depression may clear up with P eliminated, it may not. Regardless, he'll be better off without it. Love, however, is a choice. Sometimes it is hard to do when the feeling isn't there. An addict has a lot of conflicting feelings, all of them muted by P and that just adds to the confusion and frustration, which are negative feelings so the urge to self medicate rises. That's one of the ways P keeps you trapped. There are some things an addict can identify of his true self, though, and real love is one of them. I hope he chooses to fight his addiction, because he can't know what he feels until he has at least a month or two between himself and P. speaking of which... @TheSilentAce1 and @Nofapsincebirth Anger, anxiety, confusion, etc. are all normal for rebooting, especially in these early stages. Your brains still think porn is an option, and they still need to be starved out before the deluge of negative feelings subside. Then your brain will look for other ways to get its fix, and your lives won't be quite so unbearable. It's counter intuitive, but allow yourself a sane moment to relish the angst. It means it's working! If you are still feeling these massive crushing feelings after a full three months or mare, talk to a professional. In that case, it's not working.
Thanks to the guys who shared on this post, I think for us SO's, trying to understand why our guys are lacking emotions is important. We may feel that they really aren't in love with us and we are not enough, so to hear it from your own heads allows us to somewhat understand what is happening biochemically and psychologically. It's somewhat relieving of some pain.
