Hey NoFappers, I just need to say how sick and tired I am of going around this same mountain over and over again. From the age of 9 right up to my current age of 22, I have been addicted to Porn and Masturbation. In the last 2 years, this addiction has led me to seek out real life sexual encounters. My addiction to PMO started when I simply googled some sexual words I heard some kids talking about at my primary school. It started with images. It moved on to videos. And I watched all kinds of Porn (straight, gay, lesbian), they all gave me pleasure. At one point, sexual videos alone weren't enough for me. So I went on to include cyber sex into my regular routine (c2c with guys online). That seemed to give me a thrill for a while. At one point, all these things on my computer screen weren't good enough for me. I had to experience the 'real' thing. So I found an app that connected me to guys for NSA fun. In the last 2 years, I have had a few guys who have blown me. On 3 occasions I has blown them back, but didn't like it so much. Note: I know for sure that I'm more straight than gay. I've just found that its easier to find guys to do sexual things with than it is to find girls to do the same. Note: I'm still a virgin in the respect that I have not had sexual intercourse with a guy or girl. The extent of my 'real' life experience goes to having oral sex with a few guys. There's always that temptation to push the boundaries further every time. I'm really trying to save sexual intercourse for my future wife. I am caught in this vicious cycle where I wait for a certain day or date or time to quit PMO and oral sex. That lasts for one week, 2 at most, then I go right back to square one. I have some weird habits as well, where if I get off to gay porn I have to follow by getting off to straight porn as well. I can't end my session with gay porn only. I sometimes have to masturbate 2-5 times during the day just so that the temptation to watch porn, or that the temptation to meet up with guys for oral sex, will go away. I really want to be free from these sexual addictions- virtual and real. I am tired of feeling all the guilt, shame, and condemnation that follows doing all these things. I'm so sick of this. I read all these success stories of guys who have overcome their addiction to PMO, and other sexual addictions. I find it hard to believe sometimes, knowing that guys are born with such strong sex drives. Is it really possible to quit watching Porn? Is it really possible to quit masturbating? Is it really possible to stop all forms of sexual activity? Does the struggle ever cease? Or is this something we must fight every day of our lives until the day we die? thecamfam
Wow, you sir are very brave in getting truthful about all this. I can relate very much to having a feeling of dread, asking if I'll ever be free from all this. Well as you already know, yeah you can be free from all this, you can be free from your sexuality domineering your life, you can be free from being a slave to your urges and have life that you wish to have. First let me point out to you, I believe that you are in the best position to quit Porn and Masturbation NOW. Why? because you have tread this old habit's cycle too many times and know there's ABSOLUTELY nothing to gain from your PMO use and you know the destructive force of the habit. There can not be a single part of you that wishes to PMO if you truly want to quit. Well if you are now committed to rid your life from PMO, you must know that it will take time and possibly many tries to overcome all of it. Treat PMO addiction like any other serious addiction. People don't die directly by using PMO but you know that it can destroy every inch of their lives just the same. People go into withdrawals, succumb to depression, or even kill themselves during the process of recovery. PMO use is serious as any other addiction and it is fuckin serious. The most essential thing I can tell you is this: On the surface PMO use is an external action you partake in. So people generally just want to stop this external habit. However for some such as myself, it has invaded into my psyche, and my thought patterns, that changing the external habit is just not enough. I had and still is rewiring the way I think about stuff, the way I handle stress, even my view of stress, and knowing that sexual urges is a Want NOT a Need. Do not reject pain but Embrace it! Make this guy your mentor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSh1uQ3K6J8&feature=youtu.be&list=UUZCb9L7aVqtqjWGJSxxJEiA goto his page and watch all his videos everyday: https://www.youtube.com/user/SacredSexualityVlog/videos and send him some thank you emails because he really helped me to gain insight to many of my problems. lastly, please do not engage in more sexual behaviours with another man. What started out as a curiosity seems to be crippling you with guilt and shame. People who are not homosexuals can actually be addicted to gay sex. You don't want that now do you? Let us know how you're doing man, because people care.
