I need strength.

Male PA 28 history of porn use since a young age progressing to using any and all social media to spend a lot of my time looking at other local women almost daily Struggling a lot to decrease shame when being confronted by my partner on aspects of my addiction. I lied time and time again, minimized, justified and gave trickle truths. Continued to find ways to act out after initially being caught 1.5 years ago up untill i got so sick of running and for the first time in my life i made some genuine mental efforts to stop. Its been 3 months since ive seen any porn or engaged in any of my destructive behaviours and Everything would be okay in our lives if i had just stopped acting out after initially being caught and worked to get to where im feeling these days but 12 months after that day ive amassed more acting out history to further damage our relationship. This time however, it was any devices i could use (xbox's, oculus, smart tv's, brick phone). After allowing my partner to collect all the details of my acting out by digging through app data requests and all device history then owning up to the other 4% if that ...ive really burned every single bridge i had and have pushed my wonderful partner miles away with every bad decision. We havent been able to live normally for such a long time now because of the impact my addiction has had on our relationship, we dont manage to get shopping in,walk dogs frequently, plan any trips,watch things together or really anything beyond survival, my partner has made it clear that she is not willing to continue to put herself in risks way constantly and i totally agree that she deserves at the very least to feel safety within her relationship. She has been through so many horrible and frankly painful discoveries about whats really going on in life and i do an awful job of supporting her through the pain of my betrayals. I know i need to be the one to support my hurting partner but i constantly find myself getting stressed out over the feeling of things being exacerbated, or feeling like i cant progress anything because im not believable anymore. Im understanding of the fact that when you lie you leave no choice but for your partners to fill in the blanks and this is where things are at to a T. I understand i need to validate my partners feelings, reiterate her thoughts, concerns back to her and be accountable for the pain and the hurt i have caused in our lives. I need help in ways to be stronger to the shame and guilt i feel, nearly every single day is difficult for us now and me and our dog are clinging on to the roof over our heads by a fingernail. Im lucky my partner is even angry as most people would have been out the door. Needed to voice something today. Any body been here and survived it care to shed some hope or share any helpful resources, thank you.