I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

I m femdom free for about month+

How are you people doing? I started to feel some minor arousal about vanilla stuff, besides porn in real life also.

 

You approach to this and your advice is very nice. That was always in my mind, once i gain just a bit of desire for normal sex i will gave up femdom forever.

I can tell you that i m finaly getting desire for normal sex or at least something like that.

TRIGGER WARNING: I m not big fan of BJ or pu**y lic but i m finaly started to like idea of normal sex. There is a thing that may have help me most, it is self awareness, what i mean by that is this.
In last two months i m keep telling myself over and over that femdom is wrong, it is painful, that is not what i deserve, it is awful, why i like these things, i m just confused etc... Something like that with similar meaning, besides i still have urges to femdom they are way smaller that before. Meanwhile my desire for normal sex can be noticed.

When orgasm reconditioning is done properly without relapses it can be very powerfull. But just few relapses can really reset you, at least me, with one relapse it is not scary but if circle of relapses happen it seems like i lost all of desire for normal sex, just currently until i get away from femdom for some time like a week or two. And to keep in mind i never in my life had any desire for normal sex before this, i had some long streaks of hardmode before, i still have threads in my profile it was like 3 or 4 years ago, longest i have gone without PMO was around 270 days and i didn't gain any desire for normal sex. After that i have come face to face with truth i need to find another way to cure myself and it seems like i have found it.

I would also rather die than to watch femdom again, i can't go back to old. In past that have maked me depressed and sad, i was always low confident. At one point in my life when i was 18 and 19 that was darkest time of my life i didn't want to die but ain't keen on living either. After that dark period has pass i m pretty sure i will never take my life away.

I have found one song and that song really helps me, song name is One Step Closer, you may don't like Nu-Metal but lyrics of song is like my relation to myself ,relation with my problems such as femdom, insecuties , if you understand me.

How about you? Do you have a girlfriend? I m still virgin, i would like to wait a bit longer to try. I had a girlfriend year ago but we never had sex, we just have seen each other we kissed each other bla bla and that would be about it.
From tomorrow i will do only MO no more P vanilla. I m almost 40 days clean from femdom.

 

No i didn't tell her and i didn't plan to tell her. To be honest i was very afraid of that i could not perform sex, but anyway i have given chance to myself to try. Anyway we were not together long enough to get a chance for that. But in past i was always afraid to approach girls. Now i m less afraid because majority of my mental problems are mostly solved. I still doubt in myself if i could perform regular sex. My solution was if i could not perform it them i would tell her that i m nervous or have PIED problem. But i would never told her real problem, i don't think she will understand that so well. But as a last resort i could always think of femdom during intercourse, but i would try to avoid that cheap trick.
I just need one time to try it and later i will know the feeling and also i will know could i or not perform it in future.
Why i don't want to told her my problem? Not only because she(i thought so) could not understand, but me as myself having hard time to understand why i having any liking toward those awful things. I m having way less desire for femdom, mostly comes as just urge for my release but it's not desire for me anymore to happen just a empty thought, maybe my way of escaping the problems and stress.

Why i don't want it anymore?

- Because i don't want to destroy my body, explained at page first of this thread what was my worst addiction which in past have replaced my whole sexuallity. That behavior can cause great damage to body.
- I don't want to hurt my spirit anymore addiction itself has done enough damage.
- I would not be happier even if i found girlfriend who would 100% accept it and me how it is, it will create even greater problems in future. More femdom addiction means more depression, less confidence, less happiness over all but just some satisfaction which in my opinion is just not worth it, because i have did so several times and believe me after that i was addicted more than ever. Still after 2 years from that i have to fight sometimes with it as a urge to escape relapsing. First 3 months after i stoped seeing that girl was disaster to me i was lost but in the end i have finally come to health sense and break the bond ( she was not my girlfriend).
- I did not deserve to be treated like a insect, as a man i need to have self respect and i need to separate dangerous and fantasy from reality and what is good for me. Because otherwise i will suffer same as before or possibly even worst.
- I will not go back to old because i know why i m doing this right now.
- I will give myself time and space to heal and adapt.
- After all those years of addiction ( 10 years) my humble opinion about femdom is that it leads to doom of both mind and body and nothing good will ever come out of femdom. Some people who have fetish(s) and can perform sex or do both can have some benefit, but people like me who have kinks which make great wall of blocade in mind and create a lot of insecurities as i have mentioned above it is just wrong for me to go back to old ways.

When i was 12 years old boy finding femdom porn was like a treasure for me, but little did i know how wrong i was, but i m not blaming myself i was a kid back then.

Hope you are doing well my friend and thank you.

 

I m getting close to 50 days femdom free. I did MO once without porn and it went fine, i m feeling a bit of more desire for normal body parts.

 

For me also, if i didn't know i m only one who has problem like this i would thought much different and worse.

 

Few more days and i will be 2 months femdom free.
I will do 7 days no pmo hardmode just to clean myself a bit and to see where i m more clearly.
I don't have any problem to O to vanilla P and i can even O to just vanilla thoughts/fantasies.
I don't have problems with femdom in last time but neither real desire to have sex. I mean i can get aroused if i think about it, but it still doesn't come naturally.
I really need to force myself in order to get habit. What i want to say is if i see girl on street since i have said goodboy to femdom i will not look in that way to her and i will not think about that in that way. But mostly it will happen that i will not even look at her(in sexual way). And point is there's almost no connection to normal sex.Which is why i will do hardmode now for at least 1 week.

After that i will not use porn anymore, only MO and vanilla fantasies.

 

Currently on day 5 hardmode no p no fantasies no edging pure nofap, two days left and week of hardmode is completed also 2+ month femdom free.
Had some temptation but i have resist it. Not much of femdom urges since i work in big store and there are much girls there, it happens to sometime trigger me but besides that i don't have problems inside of my head and need to fantasies about femdom or watch femdom p. It's not like i m addicted to it anymore because it for me right now just looks nice but i m aware it feels awful and leave you damaged, and in first place i know why i have started this.

 

7 days of hard mode is done. I have done MO to just pictures with fantasies both yesterday and today once it went fine.

 

Almost 3 months femdom free just few more days.

 

I have completed 3 months but i have watched femdom porn yesterday didn't O to it but i have watched it, i got triggered and i didn't resist temptation.

 

I relapsed several times from my last post here, for now i m about week femdom free.

Atleast i did quit smoking tobaco and cigars, didn't smoke for bit longer than month and a half.

 

Hi mate yeah feel free to message me, i would also like to talk about it.