I am going to relapse and I am completely fine with it.

Yep, it's a long post but it would be super cool if you'd read it and reply to my question at the bottom. You might learn something as well

So four days ago I had a pretty lengthy makeout session with a girl I'm currently dating. Pants stayed on though and neither of us climaxed. We don't want to rush things and that's absolutely fine with me. However, when I went home at around 5am, I had a pretty bad case of blue balls. Probably the worst I ever experienced. My testicles where so loaded and swollen, I couldn't sleep on my side because I'd accidently squeeze them between my thighs. Also I was so horny, I could barely fall asleep.

During the next day, I couldn't concentrate on anything. All I could think of was the night before. Now being past 100 days without PMO, I'm somewhat experienced with all this. So I tried the usual stuff (get outta bed, cold shower, play guitar, stay in motion, ...) but nothing seemed to work. After 10 minutes of focusing on something, my thoughts would wander off again. Well at least it was just a Sunday and I didn't have anything important to do. I was hoping I'd have a wet dream soon so I'd be back to normal again. When I went to bed that night though, I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I felt such an extremely intense feeling of longing for sex, I was literally twisting and turning in bed. The good thing was, I was longing for sex, not PMO. I didn't want to jerk off at all, I just wanted to be with that girl again.

The next day I had to go to work and that was horrible. I was terribly tired due to the lack of sleep and I was still horny as hell, couldn't focus and barely got anything done. When I went home that day, I told myself, if I couldn't fall asleep again that night, I would MO. I didn't even want to but I cannot spend another day and night feeling like shit and waste another day of work like that. So my night ended up going exactly like the night before but I decided against MOing. I thought, if I do relapse, I want to do it because I carefully thought it over and decided for it. Not because I can't control an urge. Also, I wanted to give this 3 full days and 3 full nights to go away, sounded like a nice even number. At some point I did fall asleep and had a wet dream, too. I woke up to an orgasm but barely any semen came out. It was painful, too. Probably because I had not had an orgasm in a long time and the pipes weren't used to the sudden rush of liquid shooting through. After the orgasm, I noticed I was still horny and still had a rock solid erection. I fell back asleep though.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling better and I was happy this nightmare was over. I went to the bathroom to pee and when I did, pain exploded in my penis. Seriously, just thinking of that now, I'm squeezing my thighs together. It was painful. As. Fuck. I wanna spare you the nasty details but appearantly it was because not all the excess cum hat gotten out during the wet dream and some of it had gotten stuck halway through. Eventually everything was flowing again but eff me, those were 60 seconds of hell. Now something like this had happened to me already in the past but never as painful as today. Not even close.

I'm going to see a doctor about this and ask for his opinion. But if he doesn't have a miracle solution for this, next time I have blue balls, I will MO. There's no way I'm going through three days like that again and end up in such pain. Fuck the days on my counter. I'm doing NoFap for health benefits and this was the exact opposite of healthy. I'm not going back to regular fapping, and sure as hell not back to porn but if I feel like I should MO because my body BADLY needs to release semen, then I will help it out.

So my question here is, has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Back then, I'd sometimes wake up around an hour after I MO'ed with a stinging pain in my urethra or it would hurt similiarly when I peed after MOing. Not always but every now and then. Anybody know that feeling?

I really hope nobody replies with "Your addicted brain is just trying to come up with excuses for you to fap again." cause then I'd have to assume you didn't read what I described here. I don't WANT to MO but I might HAVE to. And hey, if things work out with the girl, I might not have to at all

 

Thanks to everyone for the replies!

Yesterday I did some online research about feeling pain when peeing after ejaculating. Appearently many guys have this problem but noone had an answer to this, not even those who talked to doctors about it. I went to see the doctor this morning and asked him. He said it's just normal because sometimes some sticky residue of semen still stays inside halfway through. It hurts, you can't do anything about it but it's not harmful either.

So I don't know if I like this answer or not Looks like, I'll just have to "man up to it" and deal with it, like IGY said. I have to say this though: When your genitals hurt, frequently and for reasons you don't understand, your first thought should NOT be "Well I guess I'll just have to man up to it.". You should go see a doctor. Honestly, men (including myself) are stupid about this. I talked to a female friend a few weeks ago, whose bf was having trouble with ED but didn't want to go see a doctor. She was totally confused and said "If my vagina didn't work properly or anything like that, I'd rush to a doctor ASAP!" - that really got to me. I had never been to a urologist before and that's stupid. Women see a gynecologist about twice a year, most men don't go to a urologist unless they have prostate cancer. If your arm hurt every time you brushed your teeth you'd ask a doctor about this immediately. But if your dick, which most of us probably value a lot more than an arm, hurts while peeing after you ejaculated, you're like "Nah, it'll go away... I think...". Even though the doc said it's fine, I still feel like an idiot for taking YEARS to ask someone about it.

So much for the medical part of all this.

I still haven't relapsed and I had another wet dream last night, which was painless (I didn't even wake up) but I think I'll keep "my rules" as I described them in my first post. If I get such uncomfortable blue balls again, I will MO. Mostly because the pain is not worth it but also because I'm scared I might try to rush the girl into having sex. I want to enjoy being intimate with her even when I don't get to climax. But if I'm constantly thinking about the pain that might await me if she doesn't make me come, I don't think I'll be able to relax or even feel good about it at all. Maybe I'll try to let her in on this but I'm worried she might feel pressured, like "If you don't make me come now, I will have to choose between breaking my streak or being in terrible pain. Your choice!". I'd much rather be the only one of us having to make a dificult decision. Maybe I'll try something like "I don't like masturbating and only do it if I really have to.".

@dextermorgan: Thanks for the tips. I actually don't have any experience with relapsing so I appreciate your words. I can definitely imagine how one case of M can already make me vulnerable to more, I'll keep it in mind. As for my last release: I had sex 12 days ago with a different girl (yes, I'm a man-whore, yes I'm trying to change my ways ), so I was actually surprised a little makeout session could get me so worked up. I liked that video even though it seemed a bit too esoteric for me. I can identify with most of the ideas though. A balanced frequency of ejaculation seems healthy. It's just hard to keep a balance, so I'm trying to keep that frequency hella low.