How long to withold sex while rebooting?

I am with you there! That is the reason why I am here: to completely ditch P and M for the rest of my life.

That is fantastic! Sounds like she is a keeper! I am married myself, and my wife is doing her best to support me on this. We haven't been intimate in years, so what's another few more weeks?

I don't think there is a hard-set time frame. I believe it would be between how you feel and how she feels. For me personally, I left my goal of 30/31 days of no PMO and then I have plans to ease off and just abstain from PM and be open to having intimacy with my wife again. For me, this is going to be driven by how she feels and us rebuilding our relationship and the family. I am not going to be pushing for intimacy on her and I would like for her to let me know when she's ready. In my case, I have hidden my addiction for years and she didn't know about it going into the relationship and I only confessed to it a couple of weeks ago; she'll need time to process this and to heal from it. In your situation, I am assuming here, your girlfriend already knows about it and is willing to help you through your journey; that makes things a lot easier.

If you want to aim for 50 days and she is OK with that, then go for it! However, I want to say that you should be flexible about it.

 

Hey man,

Something similar happened to me, daily sometimes twice a day was the usual before my girlfriend found out about my addiction. I’ve found a way to separate both PMO from sex and although I’m not 100% sure how I did it it’s all about mindset. In my case I didn’t want to see my girlfriend like I see people online, during some experiences at the start of our relationship I thought of other people which was a good example of not what you want at all, it brings guilt and frustration into your head on why you even had to think that to get off when the perfect girl is right in front of you.

Timing is key. If you have had a rough week or day and you think you’re horny but for other reasons than her it’s not the time. Genuine connection makes sex good, better than anything PMO can give you, she loves you and you love her, so when you feel that genuine connection I say go for it!

You just have to keep in mind the triggers involved of course, if your mind wanders look into her eyes and stay in the moment, it’s you and her, a connection.

I completely understand your thought process with holding back from sex for a while and I agree that there is no set time you can or can’t wait. It’s up to you two having a conversation about this and letting her know if you need to stop because your mind is wandering, she wants you to get better as much as you do maybe even more.

if you got all the way down here hope your going well man, you got this!

 

Glad it’s not just me in this, do you feel guilty when it happens? I feel almost sick when it happens sometimes like I don’t want to bring that into my relationship any more than it already has been, even if she doesn’t know. It sucks man it truly does, but I’ve been feeling a lot better lately

 

I have been told it's a minimum of 90 days..but impossible for me as I'm married and recently my wife has been discovering her sex drive again, so we have sex most nights again now.

I think the key is just to rewire to sex, don't overdo it and just stay as far away from PMO as you can.

 

We didn't stop sex at all (though we have sex less frequently than you two @Jacky198). It is too important a part of our intimacy. The tricky consequence (as you know) was the chaser effect, but at least I knew when that was coming.

I'm just a data point though, your way out of this addiction may be different from mine.

But I guess what I am saying is that at some point you will need to start having sex again for the sake of your relationship. At that point you will have to learn to deal with the chaser effect. But you will know it's coming. And after 50 or 90 days of success you will have needed working techniques in place, and you'll need them!