Goodbye to online friends.

One should refrain from extreme, definitive statements. One should also hold beliefs lightly. For example, it could be said “Porn is bad for men and should be banned.” This could be true, but it can be dialed back and modified in a variety of ways, to make it more acceptable for a mod. And also to help our own thought process to be more cautious and thorough, so we don’t over commit to an idea that doesn’t stand to pressure.

First, you can tack “I believe,” or “From what I have seen” to the beginning. This amendment lets your statement stand, with your full conviction, but implies you can be persuaded otherwise with sufficient evidence to the contrary. Now it’s “I believe porn is bad for men. In my experience, it should be banned.” If you want to give it full protection, you can make it personal, and leave off the universal judgement. “I have found porn is bad for me. I have found I have a better life experience when I don’t use it.” This turns the statement from a personal attack, accusing people of self harm by using porn, into a quiet invitation to consider the possibility that porn may also be bad for them.

You can further protect your statement by considering perspectives other than your own. Personalizing your statement cracks open that possibility for a followup; “I have found porn is bad for me, and I don’t believe it is good for men in general.” It’s fully possible to add, “Neither do I believe it is good for women.” It’s not hard to find evidence to support this argument.

Finally, calling for a ban is different from declaring personal responsibility, and inviting others to be similarly responsible. Instead of asking for top down authoritarian enforcement of your values upon the masses, you demonstrate commitment to your ideal by holding yourself publicly accountable. It is easier to respect a person announcing their self control, rather than a person asking for external control to be universally applied.

I’m not saying you did any of these things. I just know anti-porn guys can be as obnoxious as vegans, or… other groups who intolerantly demand perfect adherence to their own moral code, and demean, ostracize, and humiliate anyone who transgresses against them. I’m not talking about any group specifically, obviously. It’s easy for people to get into intellectual ruts, though, and lump you in with others, not suspecting opinions can be more reasoned and nuanced than the sound bytes of modern life typically allow.

 

If u die now, nobody of your online friends are going to come in your funeral, remember that.