Going from p to real life, has it happened to you?

Don't, just don't.

I've been down that road and it leads only downhill. No matter what your fetish is, the longer you had it the less reality can compete with it, which will leave you frustrated on one hand and even more zealous to achieve your fantasy which in turn leads to more and more extreme measures. And that is the point where your partner won't follow you anymore 90% of the time.

To keep it PG, let's say your fetish is girls driving race cars: most girls can be persuaded to sit in the drivers seat, fewer girls to drive the car, some to drive fast but next to no girl, paid or not, will drive in the indy500.

So following your urges will wreak havok on your relationships, your purse and may lead to problems looking into the mirror 'cause the indy500 you thought was so amazing online turns out to be massively terrifying and messed up in real life.

 

For me it was transitioning from viewing voyeuristic images to engaging (very deeply) in voyeurism. I reached a point where I probably got bored with what was available online, figured I could do a better job, or get a result that was better tailored to my requirements, and went out and did it. I wont get specific, but I was most interested in capturing the moment photographically. During the 8 years or so I did this, I probably could have gotten in serious trouble, but never did. I was very careful & calculated, and only had a few very minor brushes. This lack of repercussion may have given me a false sense of security that what I was doing was OK. I am married and have family, and the guilt became a heavy burden. I eventually came out to my wife about it, partially hoping she would be OK with my activities. She was horrified, and I agreed I would stop, but I did not do so right away. After a few more years of it, I became a little bored with it and I guess I outgrew it and eased off. I have up until recently occasionally taken casual voyeuristic videos with my cell phone - not seeking out situation, but when I happen upon something. So I guess one could say I have not fully stopped this behavior, but I don't devote any time or effort to it, so don't feel like it is negatively affecting me. But I haven't been caught (yet), and the more I think about it in light of my new study of fapstronomy, I'm waking up to the reality of the situation. It's time to stop. It just feeds the beast. And it's only a matter of time before my wife or kid discovers something on my phone.

 

Very much so, and the twists and turns that "Porn" addiction can take you to differ to every individual. I suffered and continue from Porn Induced ED before my marriage, during, and after. It took me years to figure out that because of my inability have good sex, like any man should, that took me deeper and deeper into porn and finding other ways to satisfy my basic sexual needs. I began to cheat on my wife, meeting women and couples online; and even that sex was terrible. But it was the excitement of meeting these people that I substituted for not being able to have sex.

I hate to even say this cause I feel it might be not a good idea for others guys who are seduced with porn; but I even lived out of fantasy fulfillment by producing my own porn. I would place online ads and then negotiate with women to do a porn. I mean now I know why there is so much porn; I literally could have made videos multiple times a week for months with the number of girls who replied to my ads wanting to be in a video. Of course I didn't have the money to film so many girls, but I did film some. I won't go into detail. But what I learned was this; this is an overly sexualized society we live in. Sex is everywhere and if you are they type that is weak, have an addiction gene, or low self esteem, being seduced by sex can eat you alive. When I would interview the girls through text/call why they wanted to be in a porn, 9/10 times the answer was "I'm having sex with multiple/random guys anyhow". might as well get paid for it. And these were your regular everyday girls, students, 9-5 working women, etc. I would vet them cause I wanted to make sure they were 18, etc.

I know our issue for being on NoFap is porn, but in reality, the larger issue is the sexual society we live in with sexuality is exposed at every corner and every turn. As "Porn" addicts we need to be aware that we need to confront our porn issues on the computer and in our everyday lives. I have written before of my 10 day no porn/masturbation streak of a couple of months ago. I had a 10 day streak by pure accident, was on top of the world. I just got so busy, had a couple of not great sexual encounters in between, but found myself 10 days free of porn/masturbation. I figured this is it, this is my breakthrough. I felt like Superman.

On the 10th day, went to the gym to work out and this very pretty girl walked in wearing a tight sports bra and the tightest smallest shorts any women can wear to a gym. Now, I'm sure that young lady works very hard to have a body like that and it's her right to wear what she seems appropriate for the gym. But, I literally exploded inside watching her in that outfit. I literally ran out of the gym and went on a 2 days binge, I mean every hour, for two straight days.

After the high of the binge wore off, I really got depressed; kept telling myself how can one woman in tight clothing set me off like that. I mean this is pretty common at most gyms. This is pretty common night clubs. So, am I going to go my whole life going on a porn binge just cause I see a woman exposing her body. I learned much from that gym experience. It taught me that real life "triggers" will exist. That the real world does not care I am a porn addict. It's my job to pick myself off the ground. Cause if I don't I will get beat until a hole of sex/porn/masturbation/depression, that I might not come out of.

 

I've been experiencing thought patterns that relate to this, and I think I ought to share them. I must admit, however, that as a newcomer here I don't yet know how to hide something "behind triggers". I do know of the concept of triggers, and will do my best to avoid them. I'm not sure if what I'll write will be completely free of triggers, so please don't read on if you're feeling vulnerable!

I have fantasies that involve a particular substance, which is ultimately (mildly) harmful when consumed. There are ways to consume it that are less harmful, but the harm seems to demonstrate the power differential that is part of my fetish. I've been around members of the sex I'm attracted to who consume this substance in a harmful way, and most of the time it's very intriguing and arousing. Such behaviour is relatively common. I would never, however, ask my spouse to engage in this sort of behaviour. I've also never asked anyone to engage in this behaviour while pleasuring me (which is part of my fantasy).

The other part of my fantasy is that I (eventually) engage in this behaviour. Now, about two years ago, I began infrequently consuming the particular substance via the least harmful means. This was principally to explore my fetish; perhaps to reduce the fantasized ideas by making it more real/experiential, perhaps to find out if this less harmful method of consumption might suffice as a real-life means of achieving my fantasy. It was exciting and arousing; initially, it did seem to reduce my urges. It did not, seemingly, change my behaviours and fantasy. I still wish to consume the harmful substance that defines my fantasies, and am still attracted to seeing the behaviour on other people.

I guess that's why I'm here; I don't like that my fantasies involve harming others or myself. My next step seems to be a PMO Reboot (did I get the terminology right?). If I don't achieve satisfactory results, I may have to, at last, engage fully in my fantasy.

Does that kind of answer your question, MMNY541? Please let me know if I've been inappropriate here.

-M

 

In addition to the voyeurism I mentioned above: I've also gotten into transexual genres over the last couple years. Initially, I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this turns me on, because I'm happily married, and never felt that I had any degree of latent homosexuality (not that there's anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say). But the T thing became very exciting to me recently, to the point where it is almost the only thing that will get me there with PMO. It was really very strange to me. Alarming at first, but then I went with it. Am I actually a T chaser? Anyway, I had been seriously considering going to a trans strip club, which apparently is a pickup joint for working t girls. I have to admit I have had fantasies about hooking with one. Not sure if I would have taken it so far, but the inkling was there. Now reading these forums, and learning about the progression we go through, it all became crystal clear what is going on, and I've realized just how preposterous the whole thing is! What a journey...