First time Fapstronaut

I'm a thirty year old male and I've have only recently been able to admit to myself that my relationship with porn is an addiction.
I have a good job and live a normal, socially active lifestyle and I'm happy with who I am. However, my compulsion to watching porn is a blight on an otherwise enjoyable life.

I started looking at porn long before I ever had interests in masturbation, which seems odd to me, looking back on it now. It started when I was about nine or ten, with smutty sexploitative late night tv shows that I would quietly watch with my brother, careful not to let our parents hear.
I also remember finding a top shelf, playboy-type magazine from the 70's or 80's in my neighbours shed one summer that opened my eyes to hardcore stuff. As I say, I never masturbated during these times, though I did get some sort of pleasure from it.

Like most people here I assume, my problem really began with the rise of the internet. Suddenly, even with our pathetically slow dial up connection, I had hundreds images of naked celebs a few clicks away and during my teen years my addiction started germinate.
However, it wasn't until I got to college that it truly became an addiction, and it was there that I developed the habits that have stuck with me ever since.
Usually I'll spend 45mins to an hour minimum watching porn but can go 2-3 hours sometimes too. I would say I watch it at least 4 nights a week. I feel I'm wasting valuable hours of life on it when I could be doing so much more productive things, or meeting people.

Porn has certainly had a negative effect on my social outlook. I was never the partying type but porn allowed me to turn away from that sort of lifestyle in college and beyond. When I should have been going out, overcoming the awkwardness of talking to girls or just meeting people, I was content to stay in and surf the net for hours instead.
I will watch it on impulse now, provoked by the slightest sexual desire, but it also provides a relaxation of sorts, as if it is just an itch that needs to be scratched, and like most I love the feeling it gives me whilst I'm doing it, and for those brief few seconds afterwards. Then comes the inevitable shame.

There are 3 reasons I have felt the need to come here to NoFap.
- The first is because of how much of my life I am wasting watching porn.
- The second is because of the effect it has had on my social life; all the times I ditched plans because I'd rather watch it or feel no desire to go out and meet women.
- The third, and probably most significant, is the effect I believe it has had on my sex life. I'm single at the moment but even when I have been in relationships, sex has always been a let down. I have no issues with arousal or maintaining an erection during sex but I feel very little sensation and struggle to ejaculate. I think the condition is called 'delayed ejaculation'. I know very little about it other than I'm a sufferer of it so if anyone else has the same issue I'd appreciating hearing your experiences. What I do know is that it's had a major effect on my relationships and my mental well being.

I'm not setting myself any goals regarding M and O. Maybe after reading others advice and experiences I may feel the need to but for the moment I'm just setting a goal of no P for November.
Wish me luck.

 

So I don't really intend to keep updating my progress (I haven't really thought about it to be honest) but I just felt today that putting my experiences so far down on paper, so to speak, might help me get through my current struggles.
So I had originally planned to go through November without watching any porn and see how I got on. However after reading through some posts on here, particularly ones involving people in similar situations to my own, I decided to do a full no PMO for November and maybe, if I can, continue for another two months. November is the goal though and I am almost there.
I actually started at the end of October and, for the most part, it has not been too difficult. In fact, the benefits of no PMO have been amazing. I have so much more time on my hands, I'm more social and productive and just feel better about myself in general, and I'm really proud that I have been able to go this long without PMO. It's without doubt the longest I've ever gone since the first time I ejaculated.
However, there have been a number of difficult moments and I have had to learn to nip sexual thoughts in the bud, not get distracted by a good looking lady or stare at any potentially arousing material, be it on tv, the internet or a magazine (not porn, but something as common as someone in a bikini or tight dress on instagram). This has not been easy and I have lapsed plenty of times but I realise that each lapse only damages my chances of remaining PMO free as even the smallest stimulation can cause a surge of sexual desire that can prove very difficult to shake.
It is these 'surges' that have caused me the most difficulty. Today feels like one big long surge and its like I've been walking around with a constant erection. The urge to at least MO has been so strong. I convince myself a lot that I need it and I will be better off to just get it out of the way so I can focus on other things but I'm also stubborn and really want to hit my goal so I've held off. Also, I expect I will feel back to normal tomorrow and would be disappointed to have to start from scratch, especially when I was so close.
But my biggest worry (and this goes for after November too) is that once I do MO again, I will get a flood of impulses to do it again, and again. Although the 90 day PMO free challenge I have set myself isn't particularly important to me, I still want to stay away from porn for good and at least reduce how often I MO to as little as possible. Therefore the thought of MO, as liberating and desirable as it seems at times, scares the hell out me. I really like where I've got to but I know that one month isn't enough to make a significant difference to my life. I want to change my habits for good and that is going to take months of abstinence from P, and I'm worried MO could ruin that.