Finding Joy

Frustration rises if we don't know if we can ever quit for good. Here is one idea about how to chart your current progress. Many chart their progress by how many days clean they have. That is good. But... instead of hearing that one has 18 days clean, I would rather hear:

I have 10 days clean and I now have the habit of other new activities.

I have 11 days clean and I am working daily on the habit of turning from lust.

I have 12 days clean and I am working daily on the habit of thinking new thoughts.

We should track our days clean, but we should also track the habits we are fighting to now have.

If you have 12 days clean and 12 days with 3 new habits implemented every day... you have accomplished something great.

Finally, I am busy trying to do things God's way. I am busy trying to fulfill my purpose. People are trying to say things that should frustrate me. But I don't have time to think about the silly things (that are the opposite of what the Bible says) that other people say to me. Consider praying:

“Father, I will count my frustrations as all joy. I will trust in You and I will keep my joy.”

New good habits give us power over bad habits. What good habits would be good for you?

Note: I removed 5 links to articles in the Christian group. Please contact me if you want the article with links.

 

I wrote that life is a grand illusion, and when we get wrong habits the price we pay is destruction.

To break free of the grand illusion start making it a habit to “list” what is destroyed, or dies, or starts to die, or partially dies when we give in to lust.

Here is my list. Over the last week I did not stare at any female at the beach or on TV, but, we all have our silly games to get around the rules. We need to check clearly that female over there, to make sure whether she is someone we need to turn away from. Or, we need to stop forward fasting early to make sure we don't miss something from the show.

I did bend the rules this week so I will try to list what was affected. #1 I always pray for boldness. When I slip into lust my boldness quickly fades. #2 I always pray to increase in love. When I slip into lust, my ability to love starts to die, and sometimes is completely dead (temporarily). #3 When I slip into lust or sin, relationships become a struggle. #4 When I bend the rules, anger starts to rule again. #5 When I bend the rules, I am running from joy. When I fight to repent rapidly and fight to stay clean, I begin running toward joy again.

Second, the list becomes filled with a lot of really destructive things if we continue in lust. But, it is still wise to have a list because your list is teaching you exactly what the results of lust are.

Today, start your list of what happens when you fall into lust. It will help inspire you to act differently next time. These are the types of actions that start to put you on the road away from bad habits, on a road toward freedom, success, and joy.

 

John in the Bible says to abide in the Word (the Bible).

Thomasnelsonbibles.com noted: “Words the Bible uses besides “abide” (1 John 2:14) include “meditate” (Psalm 1:2, Joshua 1:8), “dwell” (Colossians 3:16), “bind” (Deuteronomy 6:7), “receive” and “search” (Acts 17:11), “hide” (Ps. 119:11), and, “hold fast” (1 Corinthians 15:2).”

We start to abide in God's Word by reading His Word daily. It is a vital daily habit for quitting. Second, we meditate on His Word. Today I meditated on Bible verses about strength, and love. I have several one-page printouts of key topics that I keep with my Bible.

Third, we dwell on certain passages to achieve goals. I have spent a lot of time dwelling on Psalm One. It tells us how to start being blessed. I have dwelled on a lot of passages that tell us what we need to do to be blessed.

Fourth, to bind is to make a full obligation to doing things God's way. This full commitment leads to freedom.

Fifth, to receive and search. We commit to solving today's problems (and every days problems) by searching for Spiritual answers. We search here at this site, we search for Bible verses on the problem, and, we search at Google. For example, if anger is todays issue, you can search in Google, “anger, Christian.” You will get a bunch of ideas about how to solve “Todays” problem in a Godly way. Or better yet, search “verses, anger.”

When you “always” abide in the Word, you will “always” make progress. When you abide in the Word you will always be learning how to improve relationships and how to fight loneliness.

Make the Bible your consistent guide. It always leads to freedom.

 

Many activities can become positive addictions, but they will all differ in terms of how much they help you stay clean permanently. Let's look at 5 activities: Playing the guitar, reading, vigorous exercise, teaching at church, and teaching others how to quit addictions.

Things like playing music, reading, and exercising rank high as distraction activities because they tend to take our minds to a new place. But things like teaching at church and helping others to quit addictions have several other benefits. Firstly, people who are teaching have to develop more expertise and more skills. Secondly, God empowers those who are helping others. Because they need to be empowered.

But whichever activity you choose you will know if it becomes a positive addiction when the following occur. You start to do it daily, you love it, and now you are almost compelled to do this good activity.

Positive addictions lower temptation. If in a few months, you have developed a bunch of them – you will be on the road to real success.

 

Wikihow wrote: “Build a support network for yourself. Overcoming your addiction will be easier if you have lots of support. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who will be there for you.”

Consider praying: “Father, help me to turn from lust, and fill me with Your love.”

There are two reasons to increase in love. First, the Bible says to do that. Second, when we increase in love the support network (that we need) will be stronger for us.

Wikihow added: “Additionally, join a support group to help you get through the tough times and celebrate your successes. To give yourself the best chances, start seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you create a treatment plan and work through the issues that led to your addiction.

• Choose a support group that shares your core beliefs. Some programs are based around religion, so you might prefer a group that speaks to your beliefs.”
  Even in my tiny town, one can see a Christian counselor at a reasonable price. If that is not available see if you can find a pastor or a priest.

Second, realize who can help you. Many of us have a family member or friend who could give us all kinds of advice about quitting habits. Even if you can't tell them what you are quitting, just tell them you keep slipping into bad habits. Who knows, they may, or may not have advice, but they may be willing to do “activities” with you. We need alternative activities.

If you always slip up when you get bored tell your support network that. Then they will better know how to support you.

Third, be highly intentional in setting up time to spend with family and friends. If you are lonely pray every day about “trying” to be intentional in spending time with people. My brother is single and he “always” tries to make friends with a bunch of people. He is grumpy and opinionated, but sooner or later, he makes friends. Keep trying!

Last, pick a new activity and try it every day this week for 10 minutes. Keep trying things until you find activities that you enjoy doing. Note: always make your new activity a Spiritual experience. You are not doing that activity for a 5-star thrilling experience. You are doing it to try to implement activities that are healthy. To find activities that will distract you. To form habits of “clean” activities.

So pray a prayer before you start. Say “Praise the Lord” after you wreck a pop song while trying to learn how to play the guitar.

Finally, realize that doing the new activity is the win. Finding something you really love at some point is better, but one way or the other... celebrate the win. You did an alternative activity. You are starting to do things God's way.

 

I bought a used top-quality (A2000) baseball glove from my buddy. It was not very well broken in, but I knew that over time I could break it in and make it a good glove. I used it in every warm-up to every game, I put glove oil on it all the time, but it was still too tough to be flexible enough to use in a game. It is now over 2 decades later, and it is still too tough to be used in a competitive game. That must have been some tough cow.

Second, I have a window that is the opposite of the glove. One day it was stuck. I pushed up on the windowsill with all my strength. The glass broke.

Often life punches us in the jaw. In boxing, if a fighter has a “glass jaw” it means they get knocked down fast. For people fighting addiction, if our reaction to life punching us, is to break. Then, we will always struggle.

We need to react to life punching us the way my leather glove reacts. Over my whole life, that glove has stayed tough and resilient. Consider praying:

“Father, help me to react to life's problems like leather, tough, and resilient.”

James 1:2-8 ESV Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Increase your toughness by counting it all joy when life punches you in the face. When my new worker crashed my other website this week I prayed:

“Father, I rejoice that my website is crashed.”

I had to pray it 5 times before I really started to shake it off.

Finally, our weapons for fighting when life runs us over #1 Rejoice. #2 Give thanks. #3 Pray often about reacting like “leather” when life punches you in the face.

We must endure trials, pressures, and blows in life. Always be ready, always have a plan. Be like leather.

 

Thank you my friend.

 

Yesterday, I had a really rotten day. Today started out just as poorly. As an emergency measure, I made scripture a huge priority. I had 6 printouts of Bible verses on my bed and I read every one of them. Then I put on the audio Bible of the Psalms and listened to 7 of them.

One of the verses was 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Today I was strongly insulted. Paul said to delight in insults so that Christ's power may rest on me. Today I delighted in the insults. Today I had hardships, I rejoiced so that I would not deny Christ's power. Today I had persecutions, and difficulties. I tried to use a completely Biblical route to solve them.

The results were not what I expected. I thought this solution would help me survive the hurricane. Instead, some of the verses came to life for me and my day started to turn around (which was completely impossible). Quickly, solutions came to me about very complex problems.

Second, even if the other person is 90% wrong, we are usually not perfect either. When we dig into scripture we start to realize our lack of perfection, and the scripture prompts us to change. And when we humbly are willing to do things God's way, we make a vital connection to God. Reading His Word is a vital connection. Straining to do what it says causes a vital connection. Praying about doing what It says causes a vital connection.

Finally, all of that scripture caused me to focus on this verse:

“2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Getting into scripture is my success story. In the past, I did everything my way. I had every success but zero joy. Now I follow a different way, and I am on the path to joy.

When our minds are right, we can quit.

 

People try the drug Oxy and think, “That felt good, I want to do that as often as possible.” Instead, if they were thinking “Long-term” they would think: I don't want to be homeless, broke, and broken.

Consider writing Long-term at the top of a piece of paper. Then as you read a bunch of articles write down the dates and titles of articles that push long-term thinking (I have a ton of articles in the Christian group). We work because, in the long-term, it is good for us. We eat fruits and vegetables because, in the long term, it is good for us. We read the Bible, pray, forgive, and love because, in the long term, it is good for us.

Second, addiction is thinking... “Nothing in the universe can help me right now except _______.” Never say that. Instead say: “Other things can help me and I am going to “Try” them.” Consider memorizing that quote. If your world is falling apart, a bike ride with your buddy, followed by digging into scripture will be a bit slower at first, but it will help you.

Third, consider memorizing this question for use when tempted: “Why do I have to fall.” There are 12-20 common reasons for falling. Most of the solutions to fight back against these reasons are covered on this site. Consider noting the articles and dates written for your top reasons.

Finally, consider saying 5 times per day: “I will keep fighting for a solution.” When we put in the work, life gets good again faster.

 

God told Adam and Eve: “If you eat from the fruit of “that” tree, you will certainly die. The question is... What did God mean by that? They kept breathing.

What died when they ate the fruit? Their being allowed to live in paradise died. Their being allowed to live in a full blessing died (There were curses as a result of eating the fruit). But I think that the biggest thing that died (or partially died) was their closeness to God. Before the fall They walked in the garden with God. They talked all the time. They had this great perfect relationship.

When I first got saved I had this great, perfect relationship with God. Then I made a big mess of it. Now I am always trying to get back to that great perfect relationship. The closer we get to a personal relationship, the easier it is to have long-term success.

When we go to war with lust and sin, we start to make progress toward that. In my experience, we can make a ton of progress, and when we do, joy starts to increase.

 

We have problems with work, relationships, school, finances, and a million other things, and that is okay.

Our problems are not the problem, our reactions to the problems are the problem.

Brian Tracey at success.com noted the following:

1. Focus on the future.
“Whatever challenges you face, focus on the future rather than on the past. Instead of worrying about who did what and who is to blame, focus on where you want to be and what you want to do. Get a clear mental image of your ideal successful future, and then take whatever action you can to begin moving in that direction. Get your mind, your thoughts and your mental images on the future.

2. Think about the solution.
Whenever you’re faced with a difficulty, focus on the solution rather than on the problem. Think and talk about the ideal solution to the obstacle or setback, rather than wasting time rehashing and reflecting on the problem. Solutions are inherently positive, whereas problems are inherently negative.

Take some time to write out every detail of the problem, and then take the most logical next step to solve it. The instant that you begin thinking in terms of solutions, you become a positive and constructive human being.

3. Look for the good.
Assume that something good is hidden within each difficulty or challenge. Norman Vincent Peale, a major proponent of positive thinking, once said, “Whenever God wants to give us a gift, he wraps it up in a problem.” The bigger the gift you have coming, the bigger the problem you will receive. But the wonderful thing is that if you look for the gift, you will always find it.

4. Seek the lesson.
Assume that whatever situation you are facing at the moment is exactly the right situation you need to ultimately be successful. This situation has been sent to you to help you learn something, to help you become better, to help you expand and grow.

So seek for the valuable lesson in every adversity. Make a list of every idea or insight you can gain from every setback or difficulty.

A positive mental attitude is indispensable to your success. You can be as positive as you want to be if you will simply think about the future and look for the good. If you do what other successful people do, if you use your mind to exert mental control over the situation, you will be positive and cheerful most of the time. And you will reap the benefits enjoyed by all successful people.”

Based on this article I bet Brian Tracey's books are pretty helpful.

When problems rise up say: I will solve these problems. If you are a Christian say: We will solve these problems. Then reread this article. Then work on techniques for quitting addiction like you normally would.

Pray: “Father, help me to stay calm, and allow You to help me work through problems.” Do I need to pray this 100 times or 10,000 times?

Memorize 1st Timothy 6:6: "But Godliness with contentment is great gain."

Working on solutions to problems allows God enough space to turn on His light on us, and to begin to dispense His joy in us.

 

Pursuing the character of Christ helps us quit. Jesus always prayed. Always be prepared to pray. Take prayers with you everywhere on 3 by 5 cards, or on a printout. At some point you will have a bunch of them memorized.

Righteousness is desiring living right over fleshly indulgence. Study blessings, and do what it takes to get them. Living right is “knowing” that short-term pleasure with added destruction is never worth it. That thinking long-term (God's way) starts to lead to joy. Consider praying:

“Father, show me what living in Your continual presence would be like.”

Tip: The more we live in it, the more joy we start to have.

Second, if you have 200 lustful thoughts per day, 90% of them are from satan. When you fight back every time with prayer, or especially with scripture, how discouraged will he be? Answer, quite a bit. If you fight back every time you might be shocked that those thoughts drop to only 10-20 per day. That is just the start, but it is progress.

Proverbs 10:2 Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death.

It is easy to see death in an Oxy overdose. It is easy to see something starting to die when a person drinks round the clock. It is easy to see something partially dying when a gambler gambles every penny and begins to ruin every relationship.

But it is harder to see it when it is me. I am an expert at ignoring the destruction I cause myself. I do everything to convince others it is not happening. Consider praying:

“Father, show me exactly what my consequences are.”

“Father, help me to flee my lusts, and help me to pursue living right.”

It is hard to think about pursuing living right too often. Consider praying this often and pursue it hourly. It will light up your life.

 

When the Lord's prayer says: “Hallowed be Thy Name, it has a number of meanings. When I was young I thought, “There is this far-away God who made up a bunch of rules for us.” But God's commands are not arbitrary at all. He knows exactly what is best for us. When He tells us not to look with lust, it is the smartest thing in the world to realize that our life is better if we stop lusting. So when you say great is Thy Name, consider adding: “Father, You are right, lust messes me up. You are right, lust causes destruction, You are right, sin leads to darkness, and darkness leads to depression. You are right, lust kills my joy, kills my purpose, and it starts to kill everything else that is fun when I focus on lust incessantly. Your laws are wise and perfect for me. God knows exactly how I should act so that I can live a great life.

Second, since lust leads to fears, anger, and other negative emotions, consider becoming obsessed with planning to fight lust for a block of time every day. What time will you block off for this fight? How long will you commit to the fight every day?

Third, some don't quite believe the long lists of the negatives of lust that I write about constantly. If that is you, consider copying and pasting all the negative things that you read, that are a result of habitual lust, into a Google doc or Word file. Then study that list over the course of the year to see if your consequences are similar to mine.

Or... you could consider printing out the above-underlined paragraph. God knows exactly how mixed up I am. But when I humbly tell Him that He is right, wise, great, and correct about lust, He will very likely start to lead me into greater wisdom concerning my folly.

Finally, telling God how “right” He is about lust is a great way of emphasizing the words “Hallowed be Thy Name.” It can be a habit that helps you break “The habit.”

 

In the South, wild hogs eat and wreck everything. So, farmers and landowners are always trying to trap them, just like satan is always trying to trap us. The farmers set giant metal cages on their property. Then they put food inside them so that someday they will slam the door shut and get about 18 of them.

The traps are set up and the young hogs run right into the trap because inside of the trap is something they (think they) want. There is food everywhere on the farm, but the food they want is inside the trap.

Satan sets his trap for us. We have a dozen clean pleasures available, but he puts exactly what we want inside the cage. We are not sure it is a trap. It is very beautiful and exciting looking. All we have to do is look, or click, or even just think “his way” for a while.

Often the older hogs hesitate to go into the cage. They are one of the smartest animals. But... some of them stare at the easy food inside. They walk up to it to see if it is really what they want. When you watch them you can tell that they know it might be a trap. It might be someone trying to kill them.

A few of the hogs just never go in the cage. They don't stare at it, or walk up to it. They turn from it and find other food.

After about 10 days of free food, the farmer starts watching the trap. They wait until 14-18 pigs are in the trap. Then they hit the remote and the door slams shut. They are trapped... it's all over.

Only a few hogs knew the consequences of eating in that cage. Only a few avoided going into the trap. Only a few had a great life.

Today, consider getting busy loving God and increasing in love for people. Consider praying:

“Father, show me the consequences of this lust.”

“Father, show me Your will, and help me to do Your will.”

Remember, it's a trap. Don't go near it.

 

Your mind is a stronghold. It is either a stronghold for good or for bad. 50% of those reading grew up in churches that didn’t teach praising the Lord. But most of the people in the Bible wrote about and practiced praising the Lord. Here is some truth. If your mind is a stronghold for wrong thoughts, you need to start doing things that will change that, or things will not change. Consider praying:
“Father, help me to make it a habit to praise You 10 times or more per day.”
I consistently praise the Lord when good things happen. Everyone who knows me knows… good things happen to me a lot. Is that a coincidence, or does God like it when I praise Him?
I try to praise the Lord when bad things happen. I sometimes pray to God: “Father, I will really praise You if You help me with this.” Then I add: “I will also praise You if You choose to let me go through the problem with Your help.”
Second, prayer will start to change your mind from a stronghold for bad thoughts into a stronghold for God. Look on this site for prayers. Consider copying them into your phone and setting an alarm for every 30 minutes. This system would encourage you to pray up to 30 prayers per day.
Even if you are at work you can quickly pray your “Go to” prayer, something quick like: “Father, teach me to turn from lust.”
God 100% knows, even if you only pray for 11 seconds if you were completely sincere. So pause reverently at work or school, and pray that short prayer.
Finally, be totally aware of who your mind is a stronghold for. I fight daily to make mine a stronghold for God.

 

We are controlled by what we feed. If we feed the T-Rex, it will control us. If we feed the Lion, it will teach us self-control. We feed the T-Rex by focusing on 3 categories. The first category is things like looking at clean TV or stuff on your phone. But if the entertainment includes females (or males if u are on the other side) it still feeds the T-Rex, but only a little. Category two involves looking at fairly clean stuff, but taking it right to the edge of lust. This action feeds the T-Rex and strengthens him. Category three involves high-risk looking. This action makes the T-Rex a powerhouse.

We feed the Lion with prayer, Bible study, and a focus on purpose. We need to figure out how to feed the Lion more often. To learn how to turn off the TV or phone and put on a good sermon about overcoming sin.

First, we need to stay content. Consider praying this often:

“Father, take away this spirit of lust, and help me to be content.”

When you are spiraling into heavy temptation, changing to Bible study, prayer, or a good sermon is difficult. But if you have a daily goal of increasing in love or contentment, we see temptation building, and we are content to do the things that will bring us purpose and a great life.

Today, consider having a goal of increasing in one of the fruits of the Spirit or some other spiritual goal. If you do that temptation starts to become a math problem. Did you feed the T-Rex too much so far today? If so, panic, stop, start feeding the Lion. If you are increasing in love, contentment, or another fruit of the Spirit... You will be able to make the change. Able to feed the Spirit who will make your life great. Able to fight temptation.

 

Why did God show us how satan talked to Adam and Eve? One of the reasons was to show us that satan tempts us just like he tempted them.

I was a newby loan officer. People would call our office and I would tell them our mortgage rate. But then they would thank me and not set up an appointment. But then one day another loan officer told me: After you tell them our rate, give them 5 benefits to doing the loan today. On my very next call that was what I did. I got the appointment. To succeed I needed to know exactly what to say.

When we are tempted we need to know exactly what to say. Satan tells us what to think about, what to look at and what to do. And if our answer is a weak... no, or, I can't. We are going to lose. But when we are prepared we can win.

Every one of us has 3-5 specific reasons why we want to quit and why we should quit. Even more importantly we all have 5 benefits to quitting. Things like: Better relationships, being a better parent, improved finances when I get my self-control back, being able to do my job better, and most importantly having a great relationship with Jesus Christ again.

Here is what we didn't learn from Genesis, but we did learn it from Joseph. We learned how to do it right. A beautiful woman tried to seduce him. I guarantee you that he had 5 reasons why he wouldn't give in. And he was the wisest man in Egypt. He could likely list 10 benefits to himself if he did not give in.

Being completely prepared, he immediately fled the scene.

We can be completely prepared as well. We can write out 5 reasons on a note card of why we want to quit. We can write out 5 benefits to quitting. We can write out our goals for quitting.

Then when satan comes around and tempts us we read him a couple of lines from our card. When he doesn't give up – we start reading again.

Be ready to give your reasons for quitting when tempted. It helps.