Enough already, I will no longer suffer from ED.

Hey everyone. I'm turning 26 soon and I've been an addict since I was 12 or 13 I believe. I've finally realized that I cannot quit this addiction alone after relapsing today to actual porn, whereas normally it's just instagram girls or tiktok. I don't think I've ever had a streak that is more than 20 days, and its very rare that I ever reach 1 week. This shit has been causing me ED for way too long, and I know that every time I have a successful run, my dick works better. Other than that my life is very good, I've installed good habits like working out and trying to meditate every day, since I was 17ish. Both of these have given me a good foundation for becoming a social man, whereas before these, I was suffering from chronic blushing and retreated into world-of-warcraft from 12-16. I now have great friends and relationships, and I am soon finishing my masters degree in computer science. I just want a functioning dick like any young man deserves.

I've been in the privileged position of having a girlfriend from 19 - 24 with a beautiful girl, but I always had this secret I didn't want to share with her, and explain to her that this is why I cannot get hard. I remember several times the trigger was that she left to go somewhere else, and at really dark times I would see some trigger on my phone, and then before I knew it, I excused myself to the bathroom and fapped. This lasted the entire relationship, and we almost broke it of several times as she didn't feel loved and that I felt like less-of-a-man because I couldn't satisfy my girlfriend.

After we broke up last February, I had some luck with meeting some cute girls and bringing them home, but alas, it didn't work when it came down to have sex. And if it did, my dick would either be semi-hard or quickly go completely soft within seconds of starting. I realized that most girls didn't really care that much and would happily sleep over, or let me sleep over at their place, but that it was enough with meeting me that one time. Safe to say, my confidence took a big hit, but I still kept on trying to meet women. Why? Because there is no other alternative. No matter how fucking embarrassing it is. This also taught me that most women are actually very sweet and understanding. So i kept on persisting and eventually I found myself in a new relationship.

The first 3 months I could not get hard, but I made sure to tell her that it was not her fault, and that 'it's just how I am'. But I don't want it to be 'just who I am' anymore, I want to be a normal functioning man that can have sex, like what the hell.
But then, after not seeing her for a month due to christmas break, something miraculous happened, which just happened sporadically with my ex. I was able to get a full boner. I felt like I was at top of the world. I could do all the things I ever wanted to try, and she was so satisfied and relieved. I remember that I rarely fapped during December, and that this must have helped me in achieving this. But, before I knew it, the fapping sessions came back, and within a week I was back at being mr.limp-dick again. This lasted until beginning of april, where I had another good week and it woke up again and worked like it should!

But now I am back in a rot and I barely get semi-hard when we try again. And since I watched actual porn this time, I am scared that it will escalate, as it has done so often in the past. I am sick and tired of this addiction. I've beaten all other addictions like gaming and weed, but this one is such a tricky one, and it is the final boss I cannot defeat. That's why I am here. Even though I am not a hardcore porn addict, I am addicted to fapping to girls on my phone, even if they are just showing of their body on images or gifs. For many, this would not give them ED, but for me this is not the case. It has stopped me from having a functioning dick, from the first time I tried to have sex (with my ex), until the last time I tried to have sex yesterday, with some exceptions luckily, that has given me hope.

I have so much faith and belief in that stopping fapping will give me a normal dick, and I am now committed to giving this a real try by starting the 30-day challenge. I have seen that this shit works, and that I can be cured, and to prove it to myself, I will journal every single day for the next 30 days. Lets do this