Broke up with my girlfriend over fears over future, worried now that porn could have contributed

Triggers are already covered man, for me its all phone related, never really watch or peek on anything else, occasionally ill see something on TV (I have an annoyingly common, non porn induced fetish, and im very one track minded) but it never progresses to anything as long as im not on my phone, which now never goes anywhere near my bed. When I'm in the house I just shove my phone in a wireless dock and do something else. I go to the gym with my mate for like 2 hours a night so I just gotta keep busy till then.

I had to get creatine anyways so I had an excuse to go out for a couple of hours. Had a coffee at a coffee shop I used to work at, went down to the local warhammer shop for some nuln oil, which of course they were fresh out. My biggest issue is still missing my girlfriend tbh, I used to take her to these places all the time and I see one hundred things a day that make me think of her and really feel her absence. Still, hell of why to quit porn eh?

 

Day 16: Rough day today, started it off with a shouting match with my dad after mass which is great, still on the straight and narrow. Got one of my chaos marines, built paint and magnetised last night and hit deadlifts, least lent is over so I can have chocolate again (within reason, im still on a cut ). Urges were relatively high this morning. Morning wood going crazy atm as well.

 

Day 17: one positive side effect is, while its still hard to get to sleep, ive been sleeping really well when I do, like a rock. Urges still very high but not gonna act on em as id still rather have my loving gf than instant gratification. Going for lunch with a couple friends today so keeping busy, off work for easter monday (Cheers Jesus). You do begin to notice whats porn brain and whats not, its only been like 2 and a bit weeks and my sexual fantasies have just reverted to normal (well normal for me, I have non porn related stuff to contend with) but its a nice feeling. I also notice I've not required as much caffiene as I usually do to prop myself up, possible side effect?

 

Day 17.5 update: have really crashed today, didnt really enjoy the lunch, or much of anything today, my brain has 0 dopamine atm, my head has decided to become very “loud”, havent meditated yet, gonna try that. Gotta push through. Shits rough.

 

I meditated for half an hour heads a bit quieter. Im both at a great time and a horrible time to be quitting. On one hand, great motivation, on the other, it makes the not having my gf around 100 times more painful as it compounds with the emotions from that. I spent too much time gaming today to try and keep my brain quiet and its bitten back in a big way i think.

 

spose your right man, i guess im just greatful for the why. The strength of it is instructive that maybe my relationship is worth fixing.

 

Day 18: Feeling a bit unwell today but otherwise alright. Probably just because of the early rise and the lack of sleep. Throwing myself into a new project at least, getting a voucher from work and my local game store is having a warhammer tourney, so im spending it on a new army to enter as i need a break from my regular purple dudes. Gives me something with a deadline to sweat over. Urges are reduced today, working from home as like all things the government does (im a civil servant), the office move has been a mess. Think ive (mostly?) ridden out the day 10 anxiety wave. Not gonna say its gonna be smooth sailing but the waters have definitly calmed a bit. Noticed quite quick learning on the guitar as well! I use yousician and dont pay for it so only really play for 20 mins a day, even then its doing something, got most of my chords back and will start teaching myself some songs soon. Thanks for the encouragement fellas, hope you are all on the straight and narrow as well

 

18.5 update, bought the world eaters combat patrol, very hyped for this . Bad news is that I found out why im not well, I have bloody shingles. I swear thats one of those illnesses that was wiped out 100 years ago. Having something i need to do is very nice. Time to crank out 20 berserkers.

 

Guilty as charged mate

 

Day 19 update: Still on the straight and narrow, shingles is kicking my arse atm, spoke to my gf last night, was good to hear her voice, filled her in on my situation. We are gonna meet up soon to talk. Need to get some gold spray to start my zerkers. Urges pretty high today, but again, will be fine if my phone stays out my bed. My friend is coming up tonite to watch some movies so staying busy.

 

Practicing too, had a near death experience and long hospital stay around Christmas of ‘22 that brought me back

 

Day 20 update: have assembled 12 berkerkers and a rhino, primer arrived so will get to painting, have set up a date with gf to get things back on track , urges controlled, works got me feeling zombified, gonna get moving to shake it off.