Well my missus recorded a tv program during the week about the life of an escort. I knew it might cause a challenge but did not anticipate such an impact on my progress. my reasons for watching were partly to test myself, partly because I can't go the rest of my life avoiding triggers. What followed was a sordid story of 2 poor young girls that had allowed themselves to become escorts and spent much of the program in skimpy or non existent clothing. They were basically hooked on the money and being used by men. Whilst they made a big deal about how they liked it you could tell they were broken inside. There were some scenes straight after "servicing " a customer and these lit up my dopamine receptors. However. Ever since watching a few nights ago I can't seem to get the images out of my head. I am concerned that I'll never be able to just casually watch adult themed stuff without obsessing over the images.
As an aside to this. I'm really looking for a bit of help. I'm getting some pretty tough urges and have more than once closed doan browser windows this week. I've read posts on here and elsewhere where people got to day 90 and then stumbled. I do NOT want to be that statistic. Please, just a kind word offering support goes a long way, be that peoson on a streak of 1, 10 90 or 180 days, they all need our encouragement from time to time.
For the first part : You can't go back to watching adult stuff normally , why? Because your brain has already formed neural pathways for your porn addiction. When you were consuming porn , they were very active and strong. Now after you have gone 3 months in your reboot , they are weakened and will continue to weaken but they , unfortunately , will never vanish.So , you must stay away. Read point 10 in this thread for a more detailed discussion :http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...-rebooting-extremely-long-but-valuable.36668/
Remember that if you go back , you will lose your progress , you will reset your counter back to day zero and will go through this hell again.Keep strong and we are always here for you.
I get that, really I can relate. Yesterday I slipped up and caught myself looking at images that I shouldn't. Between prayer and this forum I somehow managed to look past it but had a hard time getting the images out of my head, especially when I went to bed. All that is to say I understand completely. I'm still a newbie to this so I have little help to offer, all I know is how terrible I feel when I do relapse, and I'm sure you can relate to that. Just think how hard it was in the beginning compared to now. I hope you don't slip up and lose your progress. Also look how good that 89 days looks in your signature, imagine it as a zero, now that wouldn't be as cool would it
Thanks guys. This place rocks. Ever since I posted I was struggling the urges seem to have subsided. It amazing how cathartic it can be to Come on here and post.
WOW! 90 days hard mode - first try! You have done so well and I was just catching up on your previous journals. A wobble. Well, I am sure that guys that haven't experienced a masturbation/porn addiction will also wobble here and there because all of us have a sex drive and we can be distracted by music videos, TV, advertising e.g. lingerie). But as you cross the threshold of 90 days, there will likely still be remnants of your addiction in your mind. Unless by complete coincidence, you were never going to completely rewire your neural pathways and reboot your brain to factory settings at this precise time. 90 days is a very broad estimate of how long this healing would take. However, the indications are you are nearly there. First, you did not watch high-speed internet as a teenager and didn't do untold damage to your brain. Secondly, the post you wrote about recently falling in love with your long-standing girlfriend: http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-little-changes.38373/#post-246457 This is a good indication that you are nearing the final stages of rebooting. So hang on for 10 days, or 2/3 weeks and you will probably feel when that moment comes. But even then, you won't want to be reckless and undisciplined. If you find you are still sensitive to certain things, simply avoid them, lest you should drift back to addiction. I am very pleased for you man. Congratulations!
Wow. Thanks IGY. it's really rewarding to know someone has taken the time to read my back catelogue of posts. It has been a journey. But as I said all those days ago. in the depths of dispait. I found this site and something clicked. I watched the Ted talks. And realised where I had been going wrong All these Years. I get that this 90day is a flexible guideline and the totality of recovery depends on initial starting point, High speed introduction to P and the focus throughout the recovery period. So I'm not beating myself up. I also feel a bit sheepish doing it without relapse first try, but as you say I was introduced to this horrible habit before high speed Internet. I feel for those guys younger than me who describe urges and relapses that seem to physically hurt them. But. It can be done. And it is SO worth it. I have some way to go to repair my relationship to where it should be and I will always need to be cautious. But I do not want to take anything for granted as a slip could be just round the corner. Thanks for reading and helping me achieve what 91 days ago I would have never believed possible.
