Amazing work buddy! I’m 62 days into a hard mode reboot and wondering what comes next. I never want to go back - so think after the 90 days I want to remain PMO free as I feel so much better (other than the flatlines!) But I’m married - and although a sexless marriage for five years feel so attracted to my wife since being PMO free… I just want to become intimate with her again. I’m looking at ideas like a Karezza relationship to maintain PMO free. What are your thoughts and how did you manage this buddy?
My thoughts are - don't believe in the 90 days. After clean 90 days, the way is still hard. Second, if you feel much better now it doesn't mean that you'll be feeling better in a week. to maintain PMO free a Karezza relationship is neutral - that is - it won't help and it won't disturb. What really helps are ways to change one's life - that is - we should really try to be a better man for our family, other people, to be helpful, to forgive etc. - it can be done on a religious way (so do I) or on a secular way. But if we don't do anything to be better (better choices, better deeds, acts etc.) then nothing will help because any addiction is based on our selfishness, on our thinking only about ourselves. This produces lots of negative emotions plus focus on ourselves, on our own inner world (thoughts, plans , emotions, our past) and then we search for some means to relieve, to relax because we can't stand the inner and outer pressure .... and we find the relief in pmo. Thanks to better choices, decisions we become less and less focused on ourselves and more and more focused on others - this attitude produses in us less and less tensions - as a result we need less and less pmo relief and we learn to find another relief - good relief (sport, prayer - talking to God, hobbies, talking to a friend etc.). If the new good relief is strong enough then we give up pmo relief. But we should have some life rules, we cannot live as egoists. Any addiction is a punishment for being an egoist thinking about himself.
makes sense buddy! I’m finding that I’ve become a much more thoughtful less selfish and more caring doteing hubby in these last weeks - and that’s how I want to remain! I actually like myself again! that’s why i was thinking karezza would help me retain this
I’m looking forward to the practice!! And hoping will be enjoyable for my wife!! Post menopause… I’m not sure “normal” sex would be anymore… so hoping a change like this may work well for both of us!!
yep! I’m sure! Hoping kerezza makes some of that a little better for her (and me!) and we can find opportunities to become intimate again! Now I’m learning how to be a good boy again after my bad years of PMO and being useless!!
Brilliantly said! For me I had to utilize all tools, therapeutic, practical, and spiritual. Because the disease is so insidious, it finds ways to overcome, convince or overpower one of those areas. For example, let's say I'm deep in a spiritual practice, but sometimes I get this thing called "spiritual amnesia" and that's when the addict comes in full force, but then, I have to say to myself okay time to schedule a therapy session or get out of the house. With a combination of all the tools, the addict can't get in. This is why I've been free from it for years.
@Mr Eko, Awesome post, amazing 9-years, and the best part is that you realized you had to change in order for this to happen. For me, the change is coming slowly. My goal now is to avoid PMO, and soon to avoid MO. I'm working on ways to make positive secular changes and hope that I will put the actions into place to make these changes and speed the recovery along.
Yes, it seems that the best working solution is to combine religious and secular means - therapies etc. I feel that on such a way I could have got rid off pmo much earlier. And what do you do when you're sad, angry, afraid, depressed, jealous, .... I mean all the possible bad emotions, memories, thoughts etc.? It's because this is a mechanism how we fall in pmo trap. First we feel bad, then we cannot stand the state and finally we must relieve ... and fall in pmo - our best proven relief. If one has no working enough ways to reduce, avoid or change the bad emotions, memories, thoughts then to give in to pmo is not to avoid.
I know deep down this is true, but I guess it means there is a possibiilty at my age (58) I will never have sex in any way again. I have to come to terms with that. I dont know why that is so hard, and yet I do. I cannot imagine being married to woman, and living with her, and not having sex unless I was not attracted to her at all, and then I cant imagine being married to her, Id rather be single. Thats probably my hedonistic selfish self talking though. I also know Im really in no position to be in a relationship with a woman, all it would do is cause pain with all my issues. I guess if a priest or a monk can go a lifetime with knowing a woman I can also for the last few decades (maybe) of my life. there would be a certain amount of relief if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness for this and other reasons also sexually related.
I think the problem lies in Western culture. It says sex is as much needed as eating, breathing etc. If one has no partner one is in need of pmo. There is no life outside of sex life. The only tolerated exception are Hinduist yogas or Buddhist monks, plus zen masters. If somebody believes in the above they must feel being outcasts, mentally ill or weirdos. I reject the Western belief.
You mentioned you are Christian yet recognized good ideas from other beliefs. Jesus did not have sex since, according to your faith, he was up to save humanity. It is a childish thought to think the son of God himself would falter to make a child for the very world he made, like some say. Buddha advocated and followed monk celibacy since his liberation during a full moon. Hanuman was chaste for life. Though sex is no evil, at least for me, such paths are not to be shamed upon. I am open to have a girlfriend, but can’t accept someone who avoids to follow my values. Until then, I prefer to remain single.
Impressive. Thanks for sharing. Some personal questions, (if too personal please dm or ignore) - what religion do u follow? - Why did u choose celibacy for that long? - What are the benefits? -what are the side effects? -what is your plan for the future? -how old are you?
Hi, Roman Catholic I didn't choose it. I'm married. The celibacy comes from some issues I have had with my wife. The next thing - I'm almost 54 so I don't care. If I were 20 or 30 - 40 I would care and would try hard to change this and end the "forced" celibacy. The benefits of no pmo are many. I'm interested in many things , I'm very active in sport - Brasilian jujitsu, I have time, energy and motivation for my hobbys. I try to be involved in family life ( before I was mostly isolated because of the pmo addiction ). In brief - I feel distinctly I have the second life and opportunities. Side effects of celibacy or of no pmo? If of celibacy then it's not good for my marriage. We are not so close. Only a general plan. I'm more focused on today. Tomorrow I may be dead so why to plan something in details is my motto. My general plan is to try to listen to and obey God more and more. 53
Yes, I read. It could be very good if I was much younger. Now, as I said, I can find lots of exciting things in life outside of sex life.
