46 year old male loser :(

Welcome @curadh. Glad you are here.

Taking some time to learn about this problem will really help in your recovery. Plus, it will take you away from Porn for a while. Read the reboot material (available here => http://www.nofap.com/getting-started) and then come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good information and good advice, so don't skip it!

Also, this is a great post from a nofap veteran about what kind of things could help you during your reboot => https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/time-to-be-done-with-this.140257/page-25#post-1442099

As you start your recovery, perhaps start writing a journal? If you feel comfortable telling people about happened and what's going on now, you will start to feel accountable to them. You may even inspire others. It's a nice feeling! This will help your recovery.

Also, stopping bad behaviours is only half the battle. This fight will probably also involve a lifestyle change. So try to add things into your life that makes you the kind of person who doesn't want to engage in PMO. Think about doing:

• Something you enjoy
• Something you're good at
• Something important
• Something for somebody else, without thought of reward (and if you DO get an unintended reward, do something ELSE, perhaps for a different person or group).

Read the journals of others - we all learn from each other, and you may find very useful insights from someone outside your age group or part of the world.

Look around the forums, get to know people. Be kind to others and others will be kind to you, both here and IRL.

I wish you a successful reboot.

~Orf

 

Hi Curadh,

Welcome here on nofap between hundreds of fellow sufferers.
You're definitely not alone in your situation.

It's time to dismantle the self-destructing habit completely.
Check out other journals, you can learn so much from it.
Also consider to start meeting a recovery group or counselor.
Overcoming an addiction is not something you can do alone!

 

You can make porn inaccessible on your computer. Look up the windows blocker thread on this site.
I recommend a combination of host file editing and blocking + pluckeye + coldblocker.
Then on your phone, it depends on which os you have but on android you can make it inaccessible aswell (andoff etc.), and only allow a safe browser.

 

I want to do more praying, like you definitely.
I'm Saul

 

It will help to stop thinking of yourself as a loser!

 

Welcome, and be encouraged--there is hope. Addiction doesn't have to be your destiny.

First, I hope you find some comfort in the fact that this isn't purely a moral issue. It's primarily an issue of brain chemistry. Your brain has gotten addicted to cheap, easy, potent surges of dopamine. No matter how hard you might try to "be good," your brain is going to kick and scream for that dopamine hit.

Watch this video and you'll learn all about the brain chemistry behind porn addiction.

Second--and I can't encourage this strongly enough--you need to install filters on your devices that block porn and hold you accountable. Covenant Eyes is amazing for that, but I'd say any filter is better than no filter at all. It won't solve the problem for you, but it can be a very important speed-bump that interrupts the "trigger-to-PMO" chain of events. Without a filter, you're like an alcoholic trying to get sober while sitting in a bar where every drink is free. You can imagine how well that would go.

Third, start looking at positive behaviors you can use to push back on the triggers that have brought you to porn in the past. You've already mentioned a few of them--

So maybe instead of getting in front of the computer at night, you come up with a bedtime routine that involves zero screen time. You sleep with your phone across the room, and not right next to you on the nightstand.

Fourth, start to develop just ONE healthy habit you can do every day. It can be exercise, meditation, prayer, reading recovery literature, reading self-development books, cooking yourself something nutritious--whatever seems most fitting to you, start doing it, and schedule it for the same time every day. And, come hell or high water, make sure you do it. You'll be doing something good for yourself, and that helps build your self-confidence. And when you're feeling good about yourself, you won't want to resort to pathetic PMO.

Fifth, keep sharing your story and your progress here. This addiction thrives in isolation, so keep us updated on how you're doing. This will be a difficult battle, friend, but it's absolutely worth it, and you can do it.