2nd week down with a few hangups

They have for me, several 30 day streaks back to back made the first 10 to 14 days a breeze. That went to stronger urges every 30 days or so. Now I'm feeling good for 45 days or so. They are also much easier to manage, I don't deal with the 4 hour worthless stage that I used to. It's a passing moment and I'm back on track.

The quicker I can squash the impulse the better. If I let the thought linger I start subconsciously talking myself into taking a "peek".

If you haven't already, start documenting your urges, what are you thinking about? What, where, when, how, and why are you feeling an urge? Eventually you will start seeing trends, and you can start actively working on those things. By writing it down you also are creating a mental "gap" between a trigger and acting out. Repeating this will help you start using the rational side of your brain rather than a reactionary (fight or flight) side.

 

It seems like you'll just find a way round whatever restrictions you place upon yourself when you've got the horn on. I'd recommend introducing some consequences that might make your transgressions more costly.

I used to have a real problem with procrastination. My whole life, massive procrastinator, could go days putting off what needed to be done. I resolved this over the course of I'd say a year by slapping myself in the face and calling myself a pussy or something like that every time I caught myself unnecessarily delaying tasks. Sounds extreme but worked a treat, my procrastination is well under control.

I got the idea from the principle of behaviourism and negative reinforcement. You create a negative association with an undesirable behaviour and eventually you want to avoid doing it. Psychologists will tell you this is utter bollocks but it worked for me and I really was a very strong procrastinator.

You could come up with some other kind of punishment for transgressions. So maybe you confess to your wife what you did and what you did it to every time you do it. Perhaps the humiliation might discourage you. I'm just spitballing but if you're literally getting AI to talk you off, I'd leave nothing off the table.

 

I'm in a similar situation. I recently shared with my girlfriend that I have a masturbation addiction, however, not the full extent of what I was indulging in. At first it was porn that I was watching, then similarly to you, as technology started to advance my curiosity did as well. For most of the past year, I found myself using AI and other chatbots in place of porn.

I don't think you're an asshole, nor would I recommend you use such language to describe yourself. It's extremely difficult to view yourself in a light other than a negative one at this stage, but negativity won't lead to positive results in my opinion. When my girlfriend first found out about my issue, I was berating myself for doing something so stupid and violating her trust. Now, I can't even find the words to speak to her casually due to all the negative talk I spewed to myself.

You start to believe all the things you say, especially when they're negative... you are your own worst critic. Yes, you did something that was shitty... but you are not a shitty person. You will overcome this and you will be better because you owe it to her and yourself. I'm of the belief that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what the outcome of your situation is, I have no doubts your journey will lead to future success.

I don't have any real tips or advice for you at the moment, as I'm pretty new in my journey as well. But I wanted to let you know at least that you're not the only one. If you ever need anything from me, feel free to always reach out.