I’m relieved to be 2 years removed from indulging my addiction to pmo. I think I joined Nofap in August of 2016, around 37 years after my first experience with pmo. At 24 years old, I realized it had become a problem that was holding me back in a variety of ways. About 90 days after stopping my addictive behaviors with pmo, my life dramatically improved. Unfortunately, I fell back into pornography by becoming hooked on renting videos at the “friendly” neighborhood video store. Bad marital relations drove me to a period of sex addiction, and a downward spiral. Anyway, I got to the point where I knew I was hurting myself, but I didn’t care. Then came an encounter with a woman that made me reconsider what I was doing to myself and sent me on the path of rebuilding my life. But as every addict can tell you, just because you want to quit your addiction doesn’t mean that the addiction wants to quit you. It took a near death experience for me to finally be able to stop, so I can’t take much of the credit. Basically, I’m giving the credit to God. The past two years I’ve been on the cruise control version of rebooting and afraid to go back to my addictive ways. Moving forward, I want to once again commit to improving my life as much as possible. I’ll do all the usual recommended things to further improve my chances of recovering, but I know that I will continue to pray and give my thanks to God for saving me from the hell of my addiction. However you manage to stop pmo’ing, know that it is absolutely possible to live without pmo. Thank you Nofap. I look forward to the day when everyone can be free from this madness. My thoughts and prayers will always be with everyone suffering from the negative effects of pornography, sexual exploitation, and addiction to pmo. We are all in this together. Just say no to pmo.
Great post man. Through confronting my own mortality, I too have started to get to the same place as you. Pmo is worthless, and life is finite, we have to kill it to become our true selves. God Speed brother
Can u elaborate on your relapse? Apparently you were over PMO and were enjoying a PMO-free life and as you said everything dramatically improved. So what caused you to go back to PMO? I think the answer to this might help us a lot along the way.
It was a different time and the explosion of the availability of pornography via vhs tapes was a big driver. The 80’s were a time of extreme hedonistic behavior of all sorts. Strip clubs, steroids, cocaine, and “pretty woman” morality…etc. My ex was also a narcissistic, materialistic, selfish person that personally drove me to lose my faith in love and kindness too. All I wanted was to live love and lead a simple life, but she seduced me and left me hurt and hungry for the “good” life. In retrospect, it would have been helpful to have a supportive group of friends and family to steer me through the dark times, however, I was deeply broken-hearted and confused. I take responsibility for everything and realize that I chose to seek pleasure to cover my pain. The good thing was that I developed a better self image because my insecurities motivated me to chase women and live the life of a successful player. It was a good time, but I became someone I never wanted to be. Ironically, my behavior probably changed the way my ex-wife saw me and regret leaving. She called me wanting to get back together. When I asked her why? She said she was lonely and that kinda pissed me off even more. I still pray that love finds me in the latter stages of my life, and removing pmo is a great step in the right direction.
The 80s were wild! Don't mean to trigger anyone but they literally had no boundaries. They made the best pornos! For any desire or fetish. Many porn categories that are illegal today were allowed and praised upon!!! I see what you mean. Had the same experience with my first love or so I thought! They drive you crazy! Narcissistic people can come off as confident and attractive and that's how they attract others. But they're the true poison. This is interesting. You say your insecurities motivated you to follow women! Did u mean that you kinda sought women's approval?! Cause that's sth I can relate to. But it's hard to find the boundary where it's a genuine attraction or looking for affirmation.
Yeah, I think it was about getting validation. Even today, I wish that I could find someone who truly loves me before I die. But I can’t expect it will happen. Abandonment, rejection, neglect, and abuse are what I feel most of the time. It hurts and makes me wish I was dead. Depression has been a big problem for most of my life and I sometimes wish that I was never born. Never knew my father, and I sort of hate my mother if I am truthful, but because she’s disabled I have a hard time processing my emotions. As I like to say, “I love my mother, but I really don’t like her for what she’s done to me.” I prayed a lot, and feel that God or an angel has been watching over me. Because I am meek, and I know what it’s like to be forsaken by those I loved. :-(
Wow congratulations for being 2 years removed from indulging your addiction to pmo! What you wrote is inspiring & gives me hope. I see we all have our own unique & individual stories & struggles that we're dealing with, I hope love will find you too.
Your honesty and the fact that you are open to admitting these is remarkable. I think one of the main reasons that we all did PMO was because of all the insufficiency we felt in ourselves and all things that we should have but didn't receive in our childhood. This reminds me of one of the classes I attended a few years back. It's about knowing oneself and getting over these problems that we all have. I you ever had enough time, I recommend you study the book "Reinventing Your Life". It's not a yellow book. In fact it being taught to psychologists as one of the first books to diagnose and help people. It won't help you with PMO and nofap but it will help you with your character and image. I also recommend talking to yourself. Stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself about the problems, how you feel and how you can overcome them. Also appreciate and love yourself. This might seem stupid but it really works. I do it a lot. We all lack selflove more or less. Standing in front of the mirror and thanking ourselves and appreciating our efforts in critical. Remember, we are men and men are alone. If we don't appreciate ourselves, no one else will. I can't imagine what you've been through. We've all been through a lot. But the good thing is that there are always ways to improve, to overcome and to feel better.
Thanks for this, I just noticed myself doing this right now, perhaps subconsciously after reading your message earlier. It felt good, I was looking out the window as the light of the sunset shone on the passing clouds. I was thinking about my situation & talking to myself lovingly yet rationally as if I was talking to someone else, it was comforting & I got a bit teary eyed.
You are on the right track. Remember, the only one that's with u from the moment your were born to the moment u die is you. You have to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. I have also experienced this. I sometimes get a bit teary eyed when talking to myself about the path I have come along and I end up admiring myself for trying to do the right thing along the way! I think that's what we should be all doing! We are all alone, with many enemies who try to take us down, use us for their benefits, make us weak, make us their slaves, from media to some people. We are the only people who can help ourselves.
Cant be more happy to hear this bro. Keep it on. Remind yourself constantly to stay away from all triggers in social media and rebuild your life with a series of good habit (e.g. go out for exercise and mindfulness, You will surely rebuild a new life. God will surely guide his children. Your story deserves to let more people to know!
Moving forward with my rebooting from 24 to 25 months has been rather uneventful or flat. Because of my nearly non existent libido, I couldn’t argue with calling it a flatline. Fatigue, tiredness, anhedonia, and brain fog make up the majority of my daily life. It’s worth noting, however, that I am spared from these negative symptoms when I am around people and doing things that distract me from focusing on how shitty I am feeling. Right after the interactions, I usually return to feeling tired and/or unmotivated and unable to shift out of the negative fog clouding my existence. Connection is indeed the opposite of addiction. Success for me is just being able to move forward with hope, knowing that my abstinence from pmo is the best chance I have for a better life; and aside from my occasional in person interactions in real life, Nofap is the most important connection I have when it comes to rebooting. The main reason I made it this far is because of Nofap and everyone here sharing their experiences. Nofap = success. Together we can save ourselves and one another.
