zilean

Fapstronaut, Male, 27, from Texas

Getting ready for church. Another day of travel tomorrow and the day after. May 19, 2024 at 8:30 AM

zilean was last seen:: May 19, 2024 at 10:31 PM

1. zilean
  Pretty urging getting closer to bed. But I'd rather sleep than stay up to try something. Night!
  
  Apr 28, 2020
  1. | Nico |, Fenris the Dread Wolf, Deleted Account and 1 other person like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Be careful of night time bud. That's where it's the most complicated to deal with the urges, so keep your guard up!
    
    Apr 28, 2020
    
    | Nico | and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
  3. zilean
    Chose to go to sleep, not giving in. Slept well.
    
    Apr 28, 2020
    
    | Nico | and Deleted Account like this.
2. zilean
  Caught myself “surfin” testing to find a trap to step into. Not today satan! Gonna limit internet today for another detox. Find a book!
  
  Apr 27, 2020
  1. Symbol of Peace, | Nico |, fg4795 and 2 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Not today - Tiger uppercut!
    
    Apr 27, 2020
    
    Deleted Account likes this.
3. zilean
  Video editing an old project that I've delayed because anxiety. Hoping to finish it up today!
  
  Apr 26, 2020
  1. fg4795, IbrahimViking, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Don't say I hope. Say you will, because you can! Words are very powerful my friend. ;)
    
    Apr 26, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, zilean, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 2 others like this.
  3. zilean
    You right. Finished the first cut, got graphics, coloring, and rendering still to do
    
    Apr 26, 2020
    
    Fenris the Dread Wolf and Deleted Account like this.
4. zilean
  Had a reset, time for some guardrails for success. Check my journal
  
  Apr 23, 2020
  1. Symbol of Peace, Leashed4good, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 3 others like this.
  2. zilean
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/finding-the-living-water.273566/#post-2513543
    
    Apr 23, 2020
    
    Symbol of Peace, Leashed4good, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 3 others like this.
5. zilean
  feeling sharp this morning, well rested. Got the courage to go for a walk this morning for 30+ mins listening to a reading of Acts 19-23
  
  Apr 22, 2020
  1. fg4795, | Nico |, Deleted Account and 2 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Great morning routine man, keep it up! :)
    
    Apr 22, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, Fenris the Dread Wolf, fg4795 and 1 other person like this.
6. zilean
  Crawled across the finish line. Woke up bad, BIG urge in afternoon, napped 3 hrs. Woke a different person, very calmed and collected
  
  Apr 21, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, Deleted Account, !!Ranger!! and 1 other person like this.
7. zilean
  Checkout my feedback post about journal shortcuts links! What do y'all think?
  
  Apr 20, 2020
  1. | Nico |, Deleted Account and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
  2. zilean
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/add-journal-links-to-user-modals-menu-avatar-pop-up.274216/#post-2509570
    
    Apr 20, 2020
    
    | Nico |, Deleted Account and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
8. zilean
  Resting in the victories of today, strengthening me for the battles tomorrow!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, !!Ranger!!, eevahnits and 6 others like this.
9. zilean
  had an urge, chose to wash dishes and see how I felt after. Feeling not the urge anymore. Going to play destiny!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. eevahnits, Deleted Account, !!Ranger!! and 4 others like this.
  2. Mr. Crab
    It is your DESTINY
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico |, zilean and 2 others like this.
  3. !!Ranger!!
    Super
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico | and Mr. Crab like this.
  4. zilean
    Good one @Mr. Crab !
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico | and Mr. Crab like this.
10. zilean
  Ready for this day 2! Setting my sights to get to my first 7!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, | Nico | and 4 others like this.
  2. BigBadWolf_27
    Congratulations! You will achieve this. Focus on each single day. One step at a time.
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, zilean and 4 others like this.
  3. zilean
    It's rainy outside, so i'll be filling time with some indoor push ups and Yoga to activate my muscles
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, | Nico | and 1 other person like this.
11. zilean
  Staying offline this morning allowed me to set the pace of the day. Feeling mellow. & clean!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. eevahnits, | Nico |, Deleted Account and 2 others like this.
12. zilean
  A Success: looked away when a Netflix scene decided to show a lady bare! I look forward to regaining my self control
  
  Apr 17, 2020
  1. Leashed4good, Deleted Account, fg4795 and 2 others like this.
13. zilean
  In a more peaceful state after taking a media fast. Did laundry, cleaned room, read bible and magazine. My mind feels clearer than I left it
  
  Apr 17, 2020
  1. Leashed4good, Deleted Account, fg4795 and 4 others like this.
14. zilean
  After a reset, taking a break from media to go offline for the day. Going to find joy in the normal things!
  
  Apr 17, 2020
  1. Blessedboy❤️, eevahnits, Master Chips and 2 others like this.
  2. Blessedboy❤️
    This is just a little message to remind in case you have forgotten how much you are loved and know that all that you are- every sparkle + scar is forever + always- enough, sweet pea
    
    Apr 17, 2020
    
    zilean likes this.
15. zilean
  These thirst traps are everywhere today. I was slightly triggered by show on HBO. otherwise, I'm increasing in my self image. Keeping Clean!
  
  Apr 17, 2020
  1. Deleted Account, fg4795, Wanderingalbatross and 3 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Yeah, stay safe bro. Sex is everywhere in this fucking society...
    
    Apr 17, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy and zilean like this.
16. zilean
  Yesterday, Recorded a solid message on video and hung out with friends! My mind stuttered a bit after seeing an attractive dude, still clean
  
  Apr 16, 2020
  1. Leashed4good, | Nico | and Deleted Account like this.
17. zilean
  Yesterday was productive & clean. I've been working on accomplishing small tasks that I've put off around the house. One step at a time!
  
  Apr 15, 2020
  1. Coffee Candy, !!Ranger!!, fg4795 and 6 others like this.
  2. reconditioned mind
    Nice!
    
    Apr 15, 2020
    
    !!Ranger!!, fg4795, Leashed4good and 3 others like this.
18. zilean
  Finally beginning to count the cost of staying in PMO.
  
  Apr 14, 2020
  1. Coffee Candy, Leashed4good, ....... and 2 others like this.
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About

Gender:

Male

Birthday:

Aug 21, 1996 (Age: 27)

Location:

Texas

Journal Thread Link:

View my Journal

It began in 5th or 6th grade, about age 11-12 and has followed me many many years till now at age 25.

I grew up in a Christian home without father, who left before i was born. I found the Lord at a young age at 6 and committed my life to Christ, and loved to follow him.

Once this shackle attached itself to me, I was truly serving two masters. I desired all my life to be freed from this hinderance. I faithfully continue walking with the Lord to this day, but the reality of what that means only began to start hitting.

Self Control. I have thought that I had been exhibiting this fruit of the spirit, i was easily angered as a kid when an injustice was done to me in a game, but grew out of that stage. But it has been in these past couple of years that I realized that I lack self-control in denying my self the temporal pleasures of PMO and choosing life that can be had abundantly.

For a while I was focused on modifying my behavior while neglecting the heart and reason for these things. My anxiety to engage with girls after being told not to have a girlfriend till I graduate college. My longing to be in an intitmate relationship with another while my friends all began to move that direction (as much a middle schooler could do). Wishing I could just be held by someone.

And so, I begin my documented NoFap Journey on April 14, 2020 to have daily checkins and just have a place to write out what I have been feeling and the healing that can come.
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zilean

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