NoFap

Age 41 – After 30 days of quitting porn

Gentlemen and ladies,

I’m obligated to give a 30-day report, for reasons I will explain. Also, I know it will help me feel awesome.

With regard to superpowers, I’m not running my own company (yet) or making fashion models drop their shopping bags in awe, but I am having consistent small successes and victories in my life which, taken together, do add up to the miraculous, especially relative to how I was living and felt 31 days ago.

Most days, I don’t feel my life has changed that much (other than no PMO). But I have a sense that a seed is planted and swelling to life, that a tide has turned, and that massive, massive change is afoot. I glimpse it in small (yet huge) ways almost every day.

I think the foundation for all of this higher self-esteem. Not arrogance, or even confidence much of the time, but a stronger sense at my core that I am valuable and that I can handle life. You feel it too, because you’ve made the same decision I have.

The result of this feeling is small-but-better decisions throughout the day, which are rapidly adding up to a better experience of life.

I “find myself” doing the following:

  • Getting up in the morning
  • Exercising every day
  • Looking women in the eye and speaking more confidently with them
  • Opening small conversations with strangers
  • Turning off video games in favor of something more productive
  • Closing internet tabs that are a time sink (YouTube, news sites, etc.)
  • Choosing to make that phone call to a friend, or answer the call that’s coming in
  • Choosing to go to that hobbyist meeting I’d been considering
  • Choosing to come clean with my therapist that I have a porn problem
  • Taking small steps on a half-dozen projects that I’ve intended to start for a long time but never have
  • Standing up straighter, holding my chest out a little more
  • Generally choosing, moment-to-moment, to move toward healthy/positive things and away from unhealthy/negative ones

Before, I would stay in bed all morning, or read internet bullshit for hours (often leading to PMO). Now my brain says, “You’re better than this,” and I get up, get out, and take positive action.

Then, immediately, my brain witnesses this change, and thinks, “Whoa, that’s new, that’s good” and my self-esteem gets another little uptick. Ultimately, I seem to be in a POSITIVE FEEDBACK LOOP, rather than the negative one that PMO created and gradually wore me down, down, down for, well, decades.

To be clear, this does not happen all day every day! Last night I wasted lots of time playing Plants v. Zombies! And I felt shitty about it. But I also did a shitload of productive things yesterday. And it’s the latter that resonates in my consciousness, which is what got me up this morning and writing this post to help you guys/gals (and to help myself!).

I have had a few external things that are inexplicable, but real:

  • I have had men at events/gatherings introduce themselves to me
  • I have had attractive women start conversations with me, and even blush at their own awkwardness (bizarre!)

Sexually, I’m basically dead. I’ve been more or less flatline since Day One, with only a hand full of half-mast erections. (Not literally a hand full, fuckers. I meant “a few”.) Actually this morning I had some wood coming and going that was stronger than I’ve felt yet. Mentally, I’ve very attracted to hot women, and check them out (not creepy tho), but I have zero physical response and no sense that I could perform if I got the opportunity.

But I don’t care! I mean I do, but I’m being patient. I’m actually grateful for the serenity and quiet, when so many of you are struggling every day to fight urges. My willpower has historically sucked, so I’m not sure I could stop myself.

So….so far, so good. I’m enjoying the slow awakening of my positive self, and hopefully, a new sexual self eventually. I feel hope for the first time in a long time. I’m sensing the early tremors of a massive life shift, and I hope it’s real.

Now, let me close with this:

The MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your recovery is to GIVE to others in recovery, and I’ve found no place better than here. YOUR opinion and experiences are valuable to others here, no matter how freaky or “unique.” In fact, the more oddball your experience, the more likely you will help that other oddball that is just like you and feels totally alone. YOUR support matters to someone else here, no matter how small or weird you feel on any given day.

If you take nothing else from this post, take this: Comment regularly on NoFap, especially a little deeper on the New pages on posts with zero comments. Also, post your own experience regularly on NoFap, both your victories and your struggles, ESPECIALLY as you get into longer streaks. There is a high percentage of Week 1 people here, and they need the insight, support, and inspiration of longer-streak folks.

Go support someone in the New section right now. I mean it!

Stay frosty, Faptains.

NoFap results originally posted by NoFap user iampowerlessover (source)

Comments

  1. D W says:

    I stumbled upon this site randomly, and am so thankful. I have been in a viscous cycle since I was 16 and now 35. Masturbation has been a part of my life almost every day. Ever year for lent I’ve given it up only to usually make it 2 days. My record is 11 but that was a strange accomplishment that wasn’t close to being copied again. I would say I am addicted to porn. I say that because when I try and stop, I can’t. The urge overtakes me and my will power evaporates. This website will be my key to breaking the cycle. I’m on day one but want to stop
    Until I get a wet dream. I’ve never had one. Hopefully during this pursuit I can break my porn addiction and regain power over my life. One day…many to go…

  2. BF109 says:

    Thanks for sharing. My PB is 36 days and you just inspired me to get back on it and reach 60 this time. Your right; it gradually wears one down over the years, but the self esteem does return. Just need to keep the healthy habits and stay on the right path.

  3. dp singh says:

    This first day of quitting porn and masturbation.

  4. Austine says:

    I have been a porn and masturbation addict since 2007. Before then, i used to be an ‘A’ student. Since i got addicted to porn, my relationships with a lot of good friends have suffered. And now i can barely pass my exams. Infact, i couldn’t graduate from the university cos of this. I had to quit after 5 years. Well, I decided to quit porn and started the Convenant eyes 10-day RecoverED challenge.

  5. Austine says:

    I have been a porn and masturbation addict since 2007. Before then, i used to be an ‘A’ student. Since i got addicted to porn, my relationships with a lot of good friends have suffered. And now i can barely pass my exams. Infact, i couldn’t graduate from the university cos of this. I had to quit after 5 years. Well, I decided to quit porn and started the Convenant eyes 10-day RecoverED challenge. I was referred to this site and I must confess that the stories I’ve read have been nothing short of inspirational. I used to go through the cycle of stop-start, but now I’m motivated more than ever to see this through. May God help me.

  6. niconico says:

    I have been a porn and masturbation addict since 2006. i have try many times to stop it but i always relapse. hope nofap will help do it now. this the first time i write in a forum i have always think i will be able to stop it by myself.

  7. Boss says:

    First night bit worried that I will fail.

  8. Emman says:

    i’ve been addicted to both porn and masturbation but want to break out and nofap seems to help out

  9. True friend says:

    😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀🎻🎼🎶🎵🎺✋✋✋✋✋✋

  10. Jay says:

    I was forced into this due to my circumstances. I started watching porn since 2009. Now I am addicted to this. most of the Time I intended to quit it but I failed miserably. I’m back to square one.Till 2010 I was brilliant student, but today I even fail to stand in front of anybody. There is a feeling of guilt all the time. I realize my mistake but again same mistake happen. My thought process has been completely distorted. One day I strongly criticize the porn and the very next day I find myself indulged in the same habit again and again.

  11. nadeem says:

    this help me a lot.

    This is my 3rd day without PM hope it will not done in future forever

  12. Beathemeatking says:

    Wow just stimbled across this website and although it’s my very first day just going thorough other people’s comments has been really helpful. I’ve been struggling with masturbation since 2015. I masturbate every day, am tired of feeling guilty hopefully me joining this platform will really help me

  13. Cephar says:

    I joined Yesterday and started my PM yesterday also. i want to reach 90days, i will get there

  14. Sadyoungman says:

    I’m so thankful for this place. I was on a dark path. I couldn’t see the light. Only darkness and lack of power to make things bright. I live in fear of the unknown because I simply didn’t understand how something could blind side me so hard! Being weak and not in control is no way to live. I’m glad I was lead here so that I can understand, the first step to healing. I have a long way to forgive myself for all the damage I caused myself and the ones close to me. I’m full of regret but I still choose to build. With everyday I choose to stay away from anything not inperson sexual I heal. If you let your autopilot run the show all the time you will regret it, head my warning and stay on top of your life. Thank you all for making this place a reality, it’s the help I needed.

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