Day 4 A mental block I think I've had for a long time is having resentment over how people give me respect with how young I look. Even 31 now, people still think that I just got out of high school. And even when I was a kid I felt like I didn't get the same respect, or recognition that other people my age got because I looked like the most young and inexperienced person in the room. I think unfortunately I have focused so much on thinking about not getting recognition from people that it became the way I think about myself, rather than focusing on myself without peoples opinion. I think over the years I let myself down by forgetting to live for myself. My feelings of resentment come from that. Consequently I didn't focus on improving myself where I would have gotten recognition from people. But in that I let myself down rather than letting other people down. The problem though is that I've still wanted respect and recognition from other people, and that its just unhealthy. I need to move on from that and to give myself respect. That's the difficult thing. That all relates to my nofap journey because I haven't lived a life that I could feel proud about because I chased to get respect from other people. And living a life you feel proud about I think is an antidote to porn addiction. It sucks that I didn't have parents who were proud of the way that they live and that they pushed their psychological problems onto me. But now the only way I can get better is to let go of wanting their respect and to give it to myself.
Day 36 & 37. Checking in. Day 37 - Jedi Knight @JEDI KNIGHT @-Angel- and the rest. I have created a Semen Retention Challenge of the Jedi Temple if you want to join. Not to replace The Jedi Temple (open) since this is a Hard Mode Challenge here. Any way, I am glad this is still here. If you want to participate then you can if you want. Here Jedi out
Back to day 1 I'm reading "Letters From A Stoic" again and it's Seneca's writing. One thing that grabbed me this time reading it is that he talks about being a friend to yourself. Seneca also has those phrases of being tested through fire, being broken down and built up again. But in his mind self improvement is impossible if you are not a friend to yourself. It's not self torture to him. Stoicism can easily become self torture I think taken from the wrong context, from the context of shame and guilt. And that its a requirement to befriend yourself if you want to see any improvement in your condition. You would find it very difficult to help your enemy, or even someone that you disliked.
Day 0 - Youngling Same deal as last streak. Technical reset to P. Now enduring the effects of the dark side for the time being. The Angel. is back. I'm behind you again. Let's go buddy. And the rest I think some fell or restarted like I did. Jedi out
