This is insane

@RUNDMC
I'm sorry to say my friends that you're responses have been delusional. The funny part is I actually sort of agree with you with the p being technically misogynistic after reviewing the definitions, and beyond that we are on NoFap, so OBVIOUSLY I agree that porn is bad and I never said it wasn't. But I must deliver a philippic, the hypocrisy, disrespect, and intellectual dishonesty you have brought here is something to be ashamed about and I don't say that lightly as I've never seen such an apotheosis of these traits. Despite that, you shall ignore this, ignore the fact that I agree, and reply you shall, in the manners of those who only live to create derision and strife whose outcomes are completely opposite of there goals. That being the only thing to have been proven this whole time. I pray for your health, both physical and certainly mental, and

God have mercy on your souls.

 

As others have stated , they KNOW . Most of the PA have done work to understand, they KNOW the effects and they still use .
As for everything you wrote about the SO , it’s disheartening actually. The faith , hope , loving blindly ? All of it is unfair . All of it is insane what a PA can do to a woman’s worth as a human being . But we let them , over and over . THAT is insanity . If they aren’t actively seeking recovery, still lying , still hiding , then it’s they that are unworthy of US . But we LOVE . We do everything we can to create a loving safe space and they demolish the house brick by painful brick

 

First, every single person on this forum believes P is addictive and bad. This is a male majority forum. Think about it. Right here in front of you are hundreds of men who know P is destructive and painful. It’s not a question of degree, either. It’s not like guys here are thinking P is less than ideal, like one too many beers or that slice of cheesecake we really shouldn’t have, but just so damn tempting. There are men here who have had their souls absolutely wrecked by porn. There are men here who have transformed from cis-het in a loving relationship, to only getting hard from sissy trans humiliation, sunk thousands of dollars into findom, violating themselves in ways they never imagined, and they are terrified. And they still do it. There are boys and men who have been so ruined by porn, and so incapable of stopping, that they have sent a last post on this forum and then killed themselves. Think about that, too. Porn made them so miserable they found existence intolerable, but they still couldn’t stop.

This narrative that men, your addict, simply doesn’t care about you, doesn’t make any sense. They still do it when it hurts themselves, too. It’s not a question of willpower, it’s not a question of how bad they want it, it’s not that they love porn more than they love you. It’s that they can’t stop, no matter what.

When a person desperately wants something, like freedom from addiction, that they can’t have no matter how hard they try, they get cognitive dissonance. Their mind goes to weird places. They rationalize, they blame, they lash out. They feel crazy, but also sane, and they gaslight because they have been gaslit because please, please don’t forget, the greater culture out there is on addiction’s side. Health experts defend porn, feminists defend porn, psychologists defend porn. Everybody knows you can get addicted to alcohol, how many alcoholics claim they don’t have a problem? How much worse if every credible expert on the planet scoffed at the idea that alcohol was dangerous? That’s what your addict is up against.

Your pain is legitimate. So is your addict’s. I may be projecting myself in here, but these claims that we do this out of indifference or malice toward women in general and you specifically are absurd and harmful to you as much as to the relationship and your addict. Please stop. Porn is the villain, not him, not me, not us.

 

Yes even those on this forum still downplay the matter by shifting the axe of attention and to put their own struggle to the fore. Nevertheless, it doesn't change how they feed an industry that mostly relies on misogyny, and dehumanizes us to the extreme. It goes beyond pure erotic viewing and leans more and more toward violence, sadism, humiliation.

But keep in mind the P industry only produces what would sell, it customizes it's content in order for the consumer to easily project themselves into it's fabricated scenarios.

And in order to do that successfully, it needs to incorporate the target population's own common views about the opposite sex. And that's the reason for why the P industry portrays sex the way it does.

These are things all SO of P addicts needs to be aware of. So they might understand the origin of their partners' attitude, and possibly even figure out what to expect from them later.

 

I hope you are aware of the physiological effects of such stressful lifestyle. Chronic stress and anxiety makes your health deteriorate gradually and painfully, some day you might end up having a heart attack.

 

As so what ? If that was the only explanation to why anyone might use P, you would find as much women as they are men who excessively consume P. Some, mainly male, users like to argue that it's because men are more 'visual', and that's why they are mostly prone to using P.

But the true reason for that lack of restraint is that they aren't conditioned to heavily associate any amount of their sexual expression with shame with the same unhealthy degree that we were since childhood.

We are visually attracted as well, as they are hundreds of females who give details about how they are visually drawn to the opposite sex, and there are women who occasionally consume soft P mostly without slipping into the pattern of their male counterparts. In fact, the most recent studies confirms this as well.

It's not 'being visual' what explains the stark contrast in numbers as the majority of men like to portray. The true reason for this aversion on the female side is mostly the portrayal of their gender within the realm of internet P, and how we mostly feel attacked instead of aroused because of this very blunt reason. Yet men love to insist that it's only because they are 'visual' and that if we were like them we'll easily digest the borderline scary and dehumanising sexual depiction with the same ease as they do.

It's not a coincidence that men chose to give us those responses over and over again, it's a carefully made choice. By denying that we are visual, they close the road to any criticism of the content they consume, and at the same time they lay the groundwork for future apologism in their favour.

 

I at least have learned over the years his PA has nothing to do with sex . Not for his need for it . He specifically uses it to escape . Just like any other drug , so he will never look at it as anything other than porn

 

Yes , all too well . I am done

 

Good luck to you. Trust me life is worth being lived and enjoyed.

 

I 100% agree . And I wanted that WITH him . He’s the one blocking all of this not me . I’m too grown to think anything will profoundly change .

 

There are other factors that explain the reasons most men don't feel repulsed at all by how sociopathic P is, other than the basic need for sex.

It's not wise to dismiss the psychological factors, it's not like they are the ones reduced under the objectifying gaze of the opposite sex, they also aren't the ones mostly denigrated by the portrayal of P.

So it's only logical they wouldn't feel targeted in the same way we do, quite the opposite they will feel elevated by the advocacy for male dominance P usually provides. This is what lays the base for their proneness to P addiction and it goes way beyond the basic sexual desire.

 

I feel like this is a bit inaccurate. The "storyline" of most porn scenes is this: A woman is immediately overcome with lust upon seeing a man. The woman wants to please the man sexually with great haste. The act of pleasing the man gives her enormous pleasure. Any way that they interact sexually translates into multiple orgasms for the woman. The woman has great enthusiasm during the entire "encounter".

The porn marketing is "look at all the sexual stuff this lust filled woman wants to do" not "look at this worthless woman degrading herself".

That said, is there misogyny in porn? Definitley.

 

@Queenie%Bee another mistake women make in these situations is to fool themselves and only acknowledge the superficial aspect of their SO's P use, in this case, the basic need for sex. But the motives are much more rooted than that, and dismissing this is choosing to stay blind to the core of the matter at hand. This can never be beneficial to you as their partners.

 

I don't know what kind of alternative world you live in, but maybe I should visit someday since the grass seems greener on your side.

 

I understand perfectly what you mean. I hope to have given you useful information, maybe now you'll feel much better.