I'm 31I don't think I'm weathly enough to afford getting married I just didn't want to be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I in love? Yes. Am I married? Not yet. We're finishing some things up in our own lives before that can happen.
If you really like/love someone, you don't need to get married to certify the union. You're free to move in with your partner without the marriage certificate. However, I would argue that most women no matter how much they professed they loved you would leave you if you took too long to marry them, or refused to marry them, because marriage provides an upgraded status and economic security. And with all due respect, a person is a fool if they marry someone and don't expect some kind of benefits. For example, if I'm required to provide economic security, then it's only fair that I get home cooked meals and regular sex. Guys, there is no free love... There is no romance without any finance and it gets more truer as you get older...
So they are just high priced prostitutes wives and the benefits is sex and cooked meals she get half of your money and home and car plus child support
Why put yourself in harm's way when you don't have to? Divorce Court, alimony, child support and attorney bills are no joke. It's worse then dealing with the IRS by a long shot.
Sounds like an exchange of goods and services. You treat people like businesses then you're sure to fail. Your outlook is a product of cynicism which I'm sure you'll laud yourself as being a realist. Plus no one said love was free. Sheesh.
Ok. There is only one current benefit that I can think of and that is a married man is taken more seriously then a bachelor. So if you want to run for office, or you're a pro athlete and you want to make yourself as marketable as possible to land multi million dollar contracts (ie, Nike, Timex, ect) you get married to appear that you're "Mr. Family man" so people will vote for you and buy your products.
First question really is what do you think marriage is and what is it for? There is indeed no reason to get married out of self interest, it's not a way to get stuff... Even the notion that it is mainly to commit to a romantic relationship I also find rather confused... But sure those two statements pretty much describes how a lot of people define / look at marriage and why there is so much divorce
Yes, I suppose I'll let my heart guide me over my brain. Love does, after all, come from the heart yes? I don't know something you don't, I believe something you don't - that unconditional love has no limit. Of course, I won't be able to love my wife completely unconditionally, only God can do that. But I will do my damn best. I don't think this is insanity. To enter marriage with the mindset 'we can divorce if it gets too hard', or to swear off of marriage for fear of divorce and heartbreak, sounds closer to insanity. Yeah good point. I can't make her love me through thick and thin, I can't make her totally commit. But I get the feeling that when I am about to marry her, I will know that she will commit herself. I have no idea what difficult things will happen during marriage, but I will do everything I can to protect our commitment, for it is precious. Another lyric from the same song is 'We are not a strand of two but three' This means that in a christian marriage, a husband and wife are not there alone. The third strand is in fact God. This is so beautiful... For with God nothing is impossible. If we hit a rough patch, we won't be the only ones holding it together. Insane, right?
No. Only partly, not fully. The way I define love is, it's a choice. It's a mix of feelings. Mainly compassion, acceptance and respect that constitutes love. All the things that can be consciously chosen and committed to no matter what, by brain (otherwise there would be no choice, would there). But of course you might have different definition of love. But I think we are on a same page when you say that you KNOW that YOU will love her. What I have a problem with is not you, it's you blindly trusting that SHE will. Heart is like a wild horse and brain is like a smart rider. The way I see it they both need to work in unison. Otherwise if one just lets the wild horse to run whenever it wants one is just gambling with his life. Which is what blind trust does. That is letting heart, or wild horse, to lead you. So just to be clear, what I was saying is not that you should not involve heart in your decision making. What I was calling insanity is to let ONLY heart do that by discarding any rational thinking (which is what from my perspective it appears you are doing). I believe that too. Well, maybe in a way, cos I'm not fully sure what you mean by it. But what I mean is: if she wants to divorce you, because she does not love you anymore, you think you can love her into changing her mind? Just clench your fists, clench your abs like you would be pushing a crap out, close your eyes and focus on love? And then something will pop into her brain and suddenly everything will be fine, she will change her mind? If that's what you believe so then I guess you are right, I do not believe that love has no limits. That's apparently another thing we disagree on. I believe everybody is able to love completely unconditionally, not only God, if they unlock that state of consciousness from which it is possible. It's a very highly advanced spiritual state tho. But if we truly commit and devote our selves with time it's possible for everyone. Insanity. People change. Their beliefs change. Or rather, CAN change. Or can not, gambling. Commitment at altar might fade 10 years from now. Her values and believes might change so that she may not want to commit. Now this is what makes more sense. I could see how commitment to God and faith could hold your marriage together even if there is no love anymore from one of you, or both of you to each other. But in that case, is it really a marriage worth having? I don't know. Either way, if you both would be true believers that the only way how you could lose the marriage is by losing faith. Which CAN happen ya know, happened before for millions of people. To be honest I missed the fact that you're Christian. It appears that your whole outlook at life is based on letting the wild horse to run wherever it god damn pleases lol. I'm sure you see my reliance on logic and rational thinking as a wrong path that leads me to hell? Eh? Do you? Also, I guess you're screwed. Because due to your faith you have no choice but to marry, if you believe in Bible, to have deeper intimacy and children with a woman. Even if you would not believe the marriage as a concept yourself.
Yes, you're right That's the essence of my whole argument; you don't have to divorce because you can choose to love even when it's hard, and it will pull you through. But, I don't think this is because love is (partly) in the brain. When times are tough in a marriage, my brain would be saying something like: 'I don't want to do this or this or this, I don't want to talk to her, it's too hard. If I divorced It would free up my finances' etc. I.e. not positive things. Yes, my commitment would be in my mind, but the strength I needed to uphold it would come from the heart. I can't love her into changing her mind by clenching my fists, clenching my abs like i'm pushing a crap out, close my eyes and focusing on love. LOL The secret would be to take action early in a crisis, before she (or I) wants a divorce. Get counselling - go for a holiday, something like that. Sit down together and talk and talk about our problems and how to solve them. Deliberately do something you wouldn't normally do everyday to show your love. Acts of sacrifice and even romance. This is the brain working here, but the drive to do it comes from the heart. K I'm a bit confused. I can't love perfectly because I am human, I have selfishness. May I ask what religion or faith exactly do you follow? Yes people change but they get richer. In character I mean. Every year we grow we are better equipped to deal with a problem. Maybe she will change and lose commitment and everything will go to total shit and there will be nothing I can do, but I believe that won't happen. Honestly I don't care if anyone thinks I'm näive cheers Well, it wouldn't seem like it at the time, but, rediscovering our original love would be so much fun. We won't be stuck in a rut forever. For example, PMO disconnected me from God and life sucked. I had no purpose. Breaking the chains of addiction and shame allowed me to reconnect with God and it's really good. I am actually a deep thinker, like you. Thanks for challenging my viewpoint, I like to be challenged to think about what I already believe. I'm confused I have a choice to marry or not, but I really want to?
