Lost and sad

Hey everyone I know this is gonna be a bit odd but I have nowhere else to go to.

I have a gf and we've been together for over 3 years now, we have a really amazing relationship and i really love her and she does the same, i gave up everything just for her, In our early couple of years I used to have friends and I used to go out a lot with either family or friends and our relationship was just like any other relationship and it was full of love and devotion, because i never talked or looked at any other girl because m simply not the player type and i love her for real. As the years past by, we got closer and closer, we began to meet everyday since we are going to the same university and we used to spend the whole days together working and studying or just chilling. I started to go out less with my friends and family and I gave all my time to her, the only time away from her was when i was going to play football with my friends once a week. After a while like that we went to another level and we started to do video calls all dat long in home, even when we spend al day together at the university we come to home and we do a video call all night just talking or watching movies, I became isolated from my family and friends but i did with all my love. Only thing i didn't mention till now is that my gf have a problem, she gets mad, she gets mad at literally everything even if she had no reason, i mean when she gets mad she stops talking at me or days and ignoring me and reusing any type o communications, but i never had problem with that as she was like that even before i knew her, and i accepted her as she is, and with time she became getting mad at me more and more, with reason or with not, and we never have small disagreement she says that we should break up nd i tell her to not do that, and whenever she calms down she apologizes and tell me that she'll never break up with me, but with time she became to get mad at everything, even when i go to play football, even it was my passion, and i stopped playing it just to avoid getting her mad and starting problems, i stopped going out with my family and friends just for her sake and because i love her so much, we became all time in front o each other in home or outside, i stopped watching football or doing anything i like, because she would get mad if i did anything outside the relationship, and when i say that i wanna do something or go somewhere she tells me that if i did that thing, things here will never be the same and we won't be same, and when i tell her why do you do this she tells me that she became like that and if i don't like it i can leave, and she becomes very hateful when she's mad, disrespecting me and insulting me with all kind o words, and she was never like that, then when we get finally fine she apologizes and become super nice, it's like she has two personalities, I never ever got mad at her for anything, because she's faithful as well and she has no one but me and she loves me for real. Even she hurts me a lot when she gets mad and i never reply to her or insult her back and when i did one time because she got me very mad we were on the edge of breaking up. It's like she has all right to get mad and i don't, actually she says that herself, now i don't even have right to go out with my family, and whenever i tell her that i wanna go out she tells me to chose between her and going out or like two hours, while i literally spend all days in front of her. I don't know what to do honestly and i love her so much but i hate being in control, i don't wanna hurt her because i know breaking up would hurt us both very much, and i don't intend to break any promise that i gave her, or to break her heart, i just wish she can be the girl i knew from first time, it's like she doesn't respect anything i do and she considers everything i do is silly, and no matter what i did for her she says that she's better than me in this relation, and that she does for me more than i do for her, i just want to get that off my chest and hear some opinions if anyone actually read all this thing, i just don't know what to do.

Thanks and i'am sorry because it's all messy in my head and i don't know how to express it exactly.

 

I don't think she's mentally unstable, since i lived with her for more than 3 years now i could tell that at least, but i don't know how to describe it as well, it's like whenever we got closer she becomes more obsessed or idk, she's perfect in all ways except this side, It's kinda toxic relationship when we are in a problem, then i feel like it's the best relationship when we are fine, but we don't stay fine like for the smallest silliest reason, and she refuses all kind of communication, and i get all kind of insults, and then all kind o apologies when she calms down, she says that she's ready to end us like i am nothing, then she says that she can't live without me, she says m the wost bf, and then she says m the best for her, i really don't wanna hurt her or leave her, but i also don't want to be controlled like this, can't even watch a football game without getting the hardest cnv from her, and i actually don't watch games anymore, neither do i play football anymore, just or her sake. I am really really lost.

 

Believe me bro I can't even describe what it is like to be in a similar relationship, you are right in what you've said, and i think the same way when she's disrespecting me and insulting me during the argument, but then after that, it's like another person in front of me, she always apologize after our argument, and she says that she means nothing, and it's just mad talk, and i swear this is true as well and she isn't lying, so i just forget all what happened, and she always promises that she'll change and she won't get mad at anything anymore, and she says that it's just the way she is and she doesn't control it and she doesn't like it as well, and that she gets hurt very much when she's insulting me and trying to hurt me, because she confesses that she tries to hurt me on purpose when she's mad, so idk bro she's like very very perfect, until she gets mad, or until i do something outside our relation, so i'm very lost right here.

 

And the problem is she plays victim, telling me that m the one who makes her be that anger, even if i literally did nothing bad, but she tells me that i don't know how to deal with her and that m the worst bf ever, and that i hurt her, while i literally try my best for her when she gets mad, but anything i do is wrong for her, and then when we r fine she confesses that when she's off she searches for any tiny reason to get mad at me, and no matter what i do will be wrong for her, even when i do the right thing!! And then she tells me that i am the best bf wen she calms down and that i am the best one to deal with her, she was afraid that i'll give up on her someday, and i promised that i won't cuz i accept her as she is, but she was never controlling like that or insulting me, it just hurt me so so much to see her getting worse, and i don't wanna leave her because that would break her heart like very much, and she was asking me constatnly to handle her no matter what because she just loves me and can't lice without me as she says. I feel lost man.