hi guys, post here some difficulties i had in this passing month that i think alot of people can learn from the disscusion about them. i went HARDMODE for a little more than 60 days (about 64) now im 82 days in but there was some incidents on the way: at day 50 i looked at photos of naked porn stars (no in scene..only naked) for about a minute i guess and then closed it. after about a week i read an article of former porn star who explained how much she suffered and that porn is f*cked up. unfortunately she said vagely what extreme things she did and she looked so innocent she she was very young also..so my curiosity rose and i looked for pictures of her in extreme scenes and drifted to pictures of some other hardcore porn stars.. i looked at about 100 photos but didnt touch myself or watched actuall porn movies so i didnt count it as a relapse..than it happened again about 2 weeks later only that time i actually looked for long at every picture and didnt felt so discust anymore..i actually still like hardcore porn more than any normal porn /: none of this was from horniness..only from curiosity..i have enormous curiosity to sexual limits phisically and mentally of peoples and i just like to check what is the craziest thing someone did..did it enjoy it or just for the money..if someone broke that limit..that is the only real reason i watched porn in the past. i felt that my mental state was affected a little from this but not much. the actuall question IS: how should i regard this, is it relapse? is it just hurdle in my way? when i will stop liking extereme fanatic porn? why do i miss porn but not from horniness? and why did all of this came after more than 40 days where i had no problem at all?
Well, whether it is a relapse is defined by your definition of what you were going for. According to your signature you went 82 days since you WATCHED P or MO'd. Now to me, a nude picture by choice is watching, so by that definition you relapsed. That being said, what benefit are you getting from watching any at all? You have gone so far without it, now by watching it you are opening yourself up to temptations that you have no benefit from doing, unless of course you plan to MO. Other wise, you are filling your mind with lusting thoughts that you have worked so hard to get out of your mind. In my opinion I would say you need to be honest with yourself, if you think you failed your counter, your goal, reset it and start over. That can be crushing, but by not acknowledging it than you don't help yourself any. If you are honest with yourself, and you don't feel that you violated your goal and mission, than you are fine. It definitely is a hurdle that If I were you I would run around and not go near. You are playing with fire by going so long and then watching porn again. I had the same issue, went about 80-90 days and then just browsed CL one day, which spiraled me back right to where I was. You might never stop liking extreme porn. But you can definitely get it to be a faint memory so that one day if you are married you are able to have sex and enjoy sex the way that you and your spouse want too. If that includes extreme stuff, then that's your choice. You miss porn it sounds like out of boredom. Which is something many of us can all relate to all to well. Porn during boredom invokes horniness, which invokes a release and also something to do. We are human, and as humans sex is part of our nature. This could have appeared after 40 days for numerous reasons, you may have seen a provocative advertisement, someone mentioned something that put it in the back of your mind, or maybe hormones are just high for you right now. We are humans, we like sex. Everyone has urges, there are numerous triggers.
Tnx for the reply man! My mission was to stop watching porn movies and browse porn sites..i mever ever looked at pictures before..it didnt gave any rush..doesn, matter what was in them..so in that manner i didnt fail. but you are right, that has definetly took me a strp back..the problem was not boredom cause im doing things all the time..but nothing i do is intriguing as porn.. i have high natural curiosity to sexuality and the limits which a human body and soul can get to in that manner..that was the main motive of me watching porn..the sexual feelings just came with it..but actually i most of the time wished it wouldn't trigger me so i could watch it out of coriousity without any sexual behaviour attached.. is it wierd?
Hey @itay A relapse is defined by yourself - but the fact you are asking whether you relapsed, suggests that in your mind, you have done something that would constitute breaking your own boundaries. As for why you're still interested in looking at porn; an addiction as strong and ingrained into your brain, particularly when it's been continually and ritually re-enforced by MO, is going to take an extremely long time to unroot. It's amazing progress that you've gone so long, and your 90 day target is definitely an admirable one... but the reality is, it's going to take years and years to fully remove, and you might never get rid of it completely. Your curiosity around porn is because you have begun to regard it with something similar to nostalgia - your brain still keeps that little bit of hope that it'll get that little hit like it used to in the past. But it's so easy to destroy months of progress with just a little regression. A quick look feeds that part of your brain that wants more - and it's a slippery slope from there. This is why alcoholics can never have a 'social drink' after they've gone dry, or smokers can never just have a 'token cigarette' once they've given up. The good news is, eventually, you will be able to completely resist the urges. I gave up PMO a year ago last June, and haven't looked at porn since. While I occasional get the little twinge to take a peek, my habit of overruling that thought process with a 'nope!' now overrules any habits from my PMO addiction. And the many benefits of being in control of your desires and urges re-enforce that decision. Keep going!
tnx alot for the reply As isaid my problem was with porn movies and never with pictures or mo. so i regard it as a little step backward in the process but not a failure because i didn't looked or searched for actuall porn and didn't masturbate or touched myself in any way so to speak didn't broke my rule.
Get yourself a girl let her bite u and u will be all over her like a horny goat! Your at the point now. No point messing with your mind. As a matter of fact to me it seems like u read the article for CRUELTY that occurred to her. You educated yourself so you dont give someone the harm she received. ... if that makes sense? ? A lot of guys that recover and make videos talk about how porn stars are treared badly. There was a video posted on here with a guy with a funny accent. He talked about how female porn stars are treated like prostitutes - being told what to do how to do it etc etc and theres a lack of sensation and enjoyment in pornos. Your mind is playing games - it's the devil calling do not answer to him. If you're Muslim read Ayat Kursi.
